Not sure which one is more wierd. Could they be related to one another?
Item the first; Vending machine bag of Orville Redenbacher’s left fully popped in the microwave. Someone needed to use the mic so they took out the bag and placed it on top of the appliance where it then remained for the rest of the day.
Item the latter; A very large (bodily excrement that rhymes with dupe) in one of the men’s room crappers with no sign of tissue in the bowl (and there was plenty on the roll). I chose a different stall and left it there for the next guy(s) to admire.
Question: Who did this and could the two be related?
Is it possibe that the same person placed the bag of popcorn in the microwave thinking they could quick pinch one off and then return to enjoy the tasty delight that is microwave popcorn? But why no sign of tissue in the bowl? And howcome the guy never retrieved his morning snack?
Did he get called to some task that required such extreme expediency that he had niether the time to properly wipe and grab his popcorn?
(I certainly would have at least made time for one or the other.)
If you wish to claim the bag of popcorn you must first explain the bathroom ‘incident’. I am currently holding the popcorn hostage.
Maybe he was so proud of his fece that he waddled over to the next stall to wipe and left the fat kid in the pool for others to admire (which apparently they did).
Feeling peckish, I placed the popcorn in the microwave and then I felt the need to go depth charge Pearl Harbor. Having successfully discharged two bombs, I wiped and flushed but one of them, unstead of going down for the count, just circled the bowl and refused to cry uncle. Defeated, I left it to take its victory lap and forgot my hunger and popcorn.
The fece popped that popcorn, and you, sir, walked in on him during a private moment. Tsk tsk. Next time, put an “Occupied” sign on the door for the poor fellow.
[grammatical tangent]
Such words are called “mass nouns”, as opposed to “count nouns”, which can be either plural or singular. A mass noun may be quantified using a count noun as a unit: e.g., one can have “a grain of rice”, but it makes no sense to speak of eating “a rice”. A mass noun may be used as a count noun when referring to types of the thing in question: e.g., one could opine that brown rice is a better rice than white rice. Some words may function both as mass nouns and count nouns: e.g., “a beer” and “a salad” mean the same thing as “a can (or glass) of beer” and “a bowl of salad” - the mass noun senses of the words are used in the former cases and the mass noun senses in the latter. Similarly, inserting “piece of” into “a very large (bodily excrement that rhymes with dupe)” after “large” would change “(bodily excrement that rhymes with dupe)” from a count noun to a mass noun by using a different count noun to specify the unit of measure.
I’m pretty sure that “feces” really only functions as a mass noun, not a plural count noun, despite the fact that it ends with an “s”.
(I may have only gotten a D+ in my Intro to Natural Language Processing course, but at least now I understand a few of the subtle intricacies of English, instead of just C!)
[/grammatical tangent]
Did you think that using tiny text would spare you from nitpicking? You fool.
