Someone tried to scam me today

It’s useful if you’ve done tech support. Have trouble hearing, be slow, be ignorant. Basic idea is to be courteous and compliant (with fake info), but dense.

I kept one of those “I’m calling from Window” callers on the phone almost an hour one day. They tried everything to get me to download Teamviewer or a similar program to remotely control my computer. I had trouble finding icons, I had trouble clicking, I had trouble with the browser, I had trouble typing the address. I kept dropping hints that I had an Apple computer but they never caught on to that. Finally after almost an hour I said something like “I don’t have internet, do I need internet for this to work?” The previously patient and polite person went silent for like 10 seconds and then put me on with his supervisor, who started pressuring me for a timeline on if/when I was getting internet.

Unfortunately I don’t usually have the time/patience to keep them going that long.

Ah, OK, I’ll try that next time.

When someone successfully scammed my MIL, i lost patience, and stopped taking with them. Now i saw, “does your mother know you scam people for a living?”, and they curse and hang up on me.

One thing I do to string them along by telling them what I am doing. For example:

Scammer: What is the name on the remote control?

Me: Let me go into the next room and look for it…Hmm… I thought I left it on the table…it should be right next to the TV…
I don’t see it here…Sorry to keep you waiting…one moment…I’m sure it was right
here…Ah, there it is…it fell on the floor. OK, where will I find the name?

Scammer: I think it should be on the front.

Me: Hmm I don’t see it… there is just a bunch on buttons…wait a sec, let me turn it over…OK, I see the name now. It’s on the back of the remote.

Scammer: And what is the name?

Me: [gives name of random cable company]

Etc. Etc.

The trick is to make the scammer think that he is about to get some important
information and then string him along for a minute or two. Giving them an appology
or two while you are “searching” for the remote/checkbook/credit card
will make them think that you are sincerely looking for the item. Just don’t
overdo it or they will end the call early.

Another thing I would like to try in the future is to mess around with the fake account numbers I give them:

Scammer: Please give me your checking account number

Me after pretending for 1 or 2 minutes to look for my check book: OK, I found it.
You want the number on the bottom of the check, right?

Scammer: Yes, please.

Me: Ok it’s [speaking slowly as if I want to help the scammer] 314159265359. Can you repeat that back to me so we can make sure that it is right?

Scammer: Sure. 314159265359. Is that correct?

Me: No that’s not right. You reversed a couple of digits. The number is [speaking
slowly again] 314159265395. Can you repeat that back to me, please?

Scammer: OK it’s 314159265395, correct?

Me: No, sorry, the 6 should be a seven. [speaking
slowly again] 314159275395

Scammer: It’s 314159275395, right?

Me: Yes that’s right. You got it.

I would guess from that point the could check to see if the number was valid.
Once they figure out that the number is false would give up and end the call.

One time I manage to string the scammer along almost to the end of his scam
when all of a sudden he yelled “Sir, you are a very good liar!!” and hung up.

I will do my best next time! Mostly, I get calls for scam solar panels these days, though.

Guess they never took high school math either.

I one time did that with “my” social security number. Every time I’d give them a number and they’d read it back to me, I’d change it. And I’d get exasperated that he wasn’t listening carefully enough.

The guy hung up after about 20 seconds of this, but it was fun while it lasted,

I had someone call once who needed to verify my Medicare number - this was after they changed from not using Social Security claim numbers. I made him wait while I got my card, and then gave him a letter-number sequence that matched the pattern of mine, but with completely different digits. Apparently there’s some some of checksum or something built in, because he said that wasn’t a valid number. So I played the “change/transpose” game until he gave up in disgust.

They may or may not have been innocent initially, but they quickly find out that their “job” is not on the level.

I know a guy named Richard, a real slimeball, who got into that. He knew what he was doing and kept on going.

Many people in the town used to drop off their UPS and FedEx packages at our office. When that started, we shipped so much that UPS came by every day. Naturally, when they brought the packages by, they had to have the shipping labels on the packages.

One day I walked up to the front of the office and there were two boxes on the table of hand scrawled addresses but not shipping labels. The addresses were to some place in Africa.

A few minutes later, my niece walked in. When I asked about Richard, she said that she saw his car down at the Dairy Queen. So I got in my car and went to confront him. He was there with his wife/girlfriend and her mother. He stayed with his wife/girlfriend until he burned through all of her money and left her destitute. Then he split.

I chewed Richard out in front of the few other people at the Dairy Queen. I told him that he had involved himself in a criminal organization and that he was involved with credit card fraud, identity theft, receiving stolen merchandise, and anything else I could think of. I told him that if he didn’t come get those packages in five minutes, he could pick them up from the sheriff’s office. He showed up immediately and picked up the packages. (I don’t think that he stayed long enough to eat.)

I’m told that one box had two Apple laptops and the other had a pair of roller blades. One of the employees at the Dairy Queen, the daughter of Tom (not his real hame), an old drinking buddy of mine from back in the 1970s, told me that he came up and tried to sell the laptops for half price, but everyone there had heard me chew him out and didn’t want to receive stolen property.

A month later, Tom told me that Richard had then got involved in receiving money orders, taking out his cut, and then sending the rest to his overlords in Africa. It didn’t take Richard long before he was persona non grata at the Western Union office at the grocery store at the county seat and was banned. After that, he tried to get others to do it from them, offering them a couple hundred dollars for the trouble. He had approached Tom about it, but Tom wisely refused.

After that, Richard started driving to Western Union offices at other places in the area, some a hundred or more miles away.

Soon after that our local Sheriff (an old family friend) retired and went on a long deserved vacation. Shortly after he returned, he told me that he had seen Richard’s car going the other way on a highway in the next state over, about 150 miles away. I started laughing and said that Richard must be having to branch out into other states to find a Western Union office that hadn’t banned him.

One of Richard’s neighbors asked me once why the Sheriff’s deputies were conducting surveillance on Richard. She said that they were out there many evenings, watching.

I don’t know if Richard knew he was becoming involved with scammers on day 1, but he definitely knew it before long and that didn’t stop him from continuing to assist them.

I just lie to them. I say I am retired now, string them along for a while with meaningless old guy stuff, then I tell them what I did when I was still employed was a fraud investigator for the FBI. You may not be surprised just how fast the convesation ends and you don’t get another call.

Putting my hand over the mic loosely and saying very fast “I’ve got him on the line how long will the trace take…great!” Has worked for me in the past.

“Does your mother know you’re a crook?” is my retort.

I’ve asked scammers to hold on for a moment, then got on with my life. After a few minutes, they hang up.
Also if a scammer says they are from Microsoft Support, I reply “Microsoft Support - how can I help you?” This can lead to them insisting they are Microsoft Support whilst I politely offer to help them…

A problem we’ve been having in the UK is people using students to launder money.

Imagine that you are a new student, certainly short of cash, and you get a message that offers a modest (say, £50) amount of cash if you will help out by depositing money in your account and then paying it to someone else. This is sold with a plausible story of frozen bank accounts and other difficulties.

After the first transaction, the amounts get larger, but not large enough to draw attention from the bank. The student realises that it’s illegal and worries that they will get caught but are afraid to go to the authorities. In any case, the perpetrator is well shielded from discovery and doesn’t stand to lose much anyway.

Once I had a call from “Microsoft Support” and had some time to play along. I played dumb (actually, I played incredibly stupid), but appreciative that they were trying to help me and that I would do what they wanted. Eventually they got to the part where I was to give them remote access, and this entailed that I pressed some key combination that included the windows key. I told them that I didn’t have a windows key, and then told them a long story about how one day I was watching a cat video on YouTube and laughed so hard that I spilled coffee on my keyboard, so I was using a cheap replacement keyboard that, alas, didn’t have a windows key. At his point he brought his “supervisor” on the call. They went on a different approach to get me to give them access, and asked that I click on the start button on the bottom of the screen. I then said I didn’t have a start button on the bottom of my screen (which was true, as it was Windows 10 which allowed me to put the task bar on the top of the screen as God intended). The caller’s frustration was growing, and he asked me what I saw on my screen. So I did as he asked and started to describe the desktop background. “I see a cat. My wife loves cats.”

Finally he asked “Are you fucking with me?”

I replied “I don’t know, are you fucking with me?”

He got the last “fuck you” in before he hung up.

I usually ask them for a credit card before we can get started. That usually ends the call.

Or I might try to recite Liam Neeson’s monologue from the movie Taken, but I can’t ever remember my lines.