I recently started playing a couple of games of suduko before I go to bed at night. I often get sleepy and feel like quitting the game and going to bed. For some reason because the games are randomly assembled I feel a strange compulsion that I have to finish the game no matter how tired I am. I get this overwhelming feeling that something was randomly created and may never be created again and I just wasted it. I realize it is irrational but it still bothers me.
As a kid I had one of those kaleidascopes I think they are called where they produce random patterns each time you shake them up. I had the same feeling then if I didn’t take the time to appreciate the new design even though it bored me stiff. I have a feeling, at least I hope that this is not a unique feeling I get. Does anyone else relate to a feeling of obligation to something randomly produced.
Yes, very much so. But I’ve never experienced a sense of anxiety about it. For instance, cloud formations or the pattern fish or birds make in their travel.
Even a stone that has been upturned by a spade. Or a dead leaf. I think, “No one has ever seen this exact same thing before and its a gift to my senses.” And I have a sense of appreciation for that.
My husband described a similar thing back in the day when he worked a construction crew and they’d dig deeply into the earth and uncover a rock. He’d wonder if anyone had ever seen it before him and how old it might be. Seeing the commonplace with new eyes.
You may be talking about OCD. I don’t know. If it’s disrupting your life in unpleasant ways it may be.
Or you may be talking about what I think of as a facet of spirituality - the way we fit into the time and space of our existence and how we feel about it.
Exactly, I experience all the things you described. It has no real bearing on my life beyond a slight sense of uneasiness if I don’t somehow recognise it.
My shrink told me everyone has OCD to some degree but it’s not a problem unless it disrupts your daily life in a serious way. Troublesome OCD has negative consequences if the behavior isn’t followed through. Like fear you will die, or someone you know will. Or your spouse will be in a car accident or have a heart attack. Or you’ll flunk out of school or get fired.
