Sometimes I pretend everyone else is incompetent and unskilled

You know how everyone has fantasies about being the best in the world at something? The best golfer or the best speller or the fastest runner or whatever? Often, I picture it like I just hit home runs left and right, or I never pick a losing stock. I imagine that I’m just impeccably talented at whatever the skill is.

But sometimes I imagine the reverse, where I’m #1 not because I’m so good, but because everyone else is so bad. I can hold my breath for a whole 20 seconds, whereas even professional breath-holders can only manage 17, 17.5 tops. I can run a mile at a lighting pace of 15 minutes, 12 seconds, which is an easy improvement over the former world record, 17:56. I once threw a ball really high and caught it on the way down, becoming a world famous juggler, and OH MAN, the Earth has never seen a cook like me. My boiled spaghetti noodles never fall apart.

I dunno. It’s just something stupid I do.

I’m curious – what do you score on this test? I got an 18.

With the advent of the Internet and Facebook, most days, I don’t have to pretend.

  1. What’s that scene from Caddyshack where Bill Murray does his own color commentary as he putts? Do you ever do that?
  1. Sigh.

Wow! What a high score! You must be an extraordinary person with amazing qualities.

I got a 33!

OK, I cheated and answered for my 5-year-old daughter, so she got a 33.

  1. What do I win?

You’ll get nothing and like it!

Sounds good to me! I’m used to it.

Enough about narcissism, let’s talk about me. Am I alone in doing this?

I got a 6, having been raised by a narcissist, I am terrified at the thought of being one as well

I got a 1. Is that good?

Why pretend?


What is this “pretend” thou speaketh of?

Sometimes I pretend everyone else is incompetent and unskilled

Yeah, be careful what you pretend. You might be right!

I want to say I got a 4 but then I don’t want to make a big deal out of it…

Or a complete asshole. Depends on the day.

That is hilarious.

On rare occasions I’ll do the Bill Murray golf thing, but it will actually be about golf. I never thought of doing what you do. Seems pretty harmless to me, unless you start believing your own nonsense.