Son of the Return of More Things that Don't Make Sense, reboot IVb

  1. Japanese Cat Girl’s Ears: think about it for a second. Their cat ears are on top of their heads, because cat’s ears are on the top of their heads. But that’s because cats don’t have a huge cerebrum ballooning way above their eyes. Both cats and humans have ears about the same level as their eyes; for cats that’s at the top of their heads and for humans its on the sides of their heads. So do Japanese Cat Girls have their ear canals coming down from the tops of their heads? Are the cat ears purely cosmetic and their functional ears are hidden by their hair at the sides of their heads?

  2. Beneath the Planet of the Apes. So the apes lived in about the only habitable area around, surrounded by the barren and probably toxic Forbidden Zone. We see a scene in the movie where the ape leaders are debating breaking the ancient prohibition against entering the Forbidden Zone, each for their own reasons: Zaius’s fear that Taylor is proof that a colony of intelligent humans survives, General Urso responding to a garbled report from an outlying patrol of encountering something deep in the Zone. Both are concerned about the burgeoning ape population’s need for food, and they come to the conclusion that if something is living out in the Forbidden Zone, then whatever it is, it has to eat. Indeed. In the midst of the Forbidden Zone, underneath the slagged remnants of a nuked city, live the Mutants. Only just what exactly do they eat- two thousand year old stores of K-rations?

This gets even worse when you consider the size of the eyes (funny fact to look for: in a lot of Japanese-animated western cartoons, even ones that use American-style character designs, check out any skulls that appear…often, the eye sockets are abnormally large, as would be appropriate for most anime-style characters!).

I’m only to the end of Season 3 of Lost, so perhaps some things start to make sense later. But for now: whooo, boy.

(Please don’t spoil anything for me.)

Why do horrible actors like Jack Black and Lindsey Lohan keep getting work?

In Total Recall, up on Mars, where you really really don’t want to break a window, why is there a fire axe in the room of the last scene?

Oh wait … maybe he never went to mars in the first place and it was a hallucination after all.

Why did they cancel Arrested Development?

As I’ve complained before, none of the Planet of the Apes movies make a lick of sense. Having Food problems? Shut down the damned museum and stop the Chimp research subsidies!

What do the Mutants eat? Heck, what do the Mutants do all day? Who washes and irons their perfect robes? Howcum the well-preserved sections of New York City haven’t been long ago picked over for usable parts? Why aren’t there paths worn through well-traveled areas?

Or, in the first movie, imagine if they’d found a slightly different talking toy at the Dig.

Taylor: There’s your proof, Dr. Zaius! If apes hadn’t descended from fish, would they have made a Singing Billy Bass that TALKS??

Lindsay Lohan is “getting work”? Does this work involve climbing into strange men’s cars?

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen an anime skull, but actual human skulls do have eye sockets much bigger than the part of the eye that’s visible when someone still has skin on their face.

The thing that always bothered me about the Ape movies was the fact that in a primative agrarian society the soldiers carried automatic weapons. Where did they get them? If you stop to think about it, it requires a fairly sophisticated industrial base to manufacture such weapons.

The same thing bothered me about the Terminator movies. Where in the future did the human survivors get their sophisticated weapons?

Eactly the kind of thing that I complained about in the earlier thread I mention above.
The real reason, of course, is that, in Rod Serling’s original script, the Ape society was essentially like Earth society circa 1968, with the same technological level. But they wanted an eerie atmosphere (and didn’t have the really big bucks or technology to create a truly big urban society), so they created a much smaller society, not worrying about the fact that it made nary a bit of sense. Bothered me, though, even as a kid. Where the hell did they get the bucks and space for a modern-looking museum? Who the hell made all that glass? Who, for that matter, made the metal bars for the cages – he never saw an iron mill or a forge.

I dare you to name any cartoon that makes sense.

Many years ago there was a complaint about the fact that Omaha the Cat Dancer wore what looked like ear rings. The artist explained that they were actually decorations that clipped onto her hair.

They got their weapons from the Terminators. And from stuff the Connors stashed in preparation for Judgement Day. If you mean the plasma rifles and so on, well, they were built by SkyNet. Probably from plans that SkyNet sent back in time, so that the earlier version of SkyNet would know how to build plasma rifles.

Lohan was a great actor before her trainwreck. Her performances in Freaky Friday and Mean Girls were really good.

Jack Black is funny, I think, but he also has to be controlled. He’s never going to be a character actor who loses himself in a part, but a good director with a good script could possibly keep him focused.

What are sitcom husbands all fat and stupid and their wives sexy?

Because a lot of those couples exist in real life?

Yes. Especially when the man is a TV producer.

No it doesn’t. There are plenty of AK-47’s made in tiny Mom-and-Pop gun shops in Afghanistan, using only hand tools.

The weapons the apes were carrying around were not made in a mom and pop gun shop. (And in any case, those mom and pop gun shops couldn’t assemble an AK-47 with out getting the component pieces from a more industrial economy.)

Hey! We resemble that remark!

Incredibly Advanced Lost Scifi Colonies with Ridiculously Small Populations.

So…After being lost for 200 years, there’s still only a couple of hundred of them.

But they have all manner of different clothes, tools, new equipment, a wide variety of food stuffs, working computers, et al.

So who is making this stuff or where are they buying it from? Because a colony of a couple of hundred people all off on their own just doesn’t have the manpower for all this crap. Nor are they going to have all the different required elements and resources immediately available and readily convertible for their needs.

Villains who want to blow up/destroy the world.

They’ve finally realized this is stupid. As Lex Luthor says, “I live there and all my stuff is there.”