Songs that are just plain wrong

Pearl Jam’s “Dirty Frank” is about a crazy tour bus driver who also happens to be a cannibal.

“Dirty Frank Dahmer he’s a gourmet cook, yeah.
Got a recipe for anglo-saxon soup, yeah.
Wanted a pass. So she relaxed. Now the little groupie’s getting chopped up in the back.
I got a cupboard full of fleshy fresh ingredients
A very careful at the same time quite expedient.
Eats meat. A release.
Bus driving’s harder on your head than on your feet.”

“Oh, middle of the night we’re stopped the freeway shoulder.
Frank’s shoveling to bury the leftovers.
They’re sunk. He’s drunk.
Now he’s gonna drive, I’m hiding in my bunk.
The band all knows, we’re too afraid to mention.
Don’t want to be part of Frank’s luncheon.
Lose weight. Be safe. Where’s Mike McCready? My god he’s been ate!”

Yes, in the fourth post of this thread. Please tell me you accidentally missed that and are not simply throwing on your response to the OP without actually reading the whole thread?

No, specific to the song, Billy Joel is trying to encourage his Catholic girlfriend to throw her religious morals and her hesitancy to have sex out the window so that he can fuck her.

Live for today, indeed. It’s more like live for ME, the selfish prick.

Which, by the way, was what the original ‘carpe diem’ sentiment was all about… convincing a young maiden to do you.

Peace.

And since everyone on board dies when the ship went down, and communication with the ship had been out for some time, all these lines are just something Gordon Lightfoot made up – no one alive knows what the sailors were saying before they died.

Doesn’t matter anyway, though, because the song is not about hooking up. It’s about an older gay man counseling a younger one who has presumably just been slung out of his homophobic parents’ house. He’s just telling him it’s not the end of the world, and there’s “a place you can go” where “you can get yourself clean; you can have a good meal”. Hooking up is a secondary concern when you’ve just been made homeless.

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips

Hmm, I always thought it was about an abused woman, not a child. I apologize to Luka for being misinformed.

Perhaps she ought to seek out the services of Tommy from “Coward of the County.” See Tommy’s father was an ex-con who died when Tommy was 11. He advised his son to “walk away from trouble” lest he end up in jail like his old man.

Anywho, years later despite being the “coward of the county” for never fighting back, Tommy manages to land himself a girlfriend, Becky. While he’s away one day, the Gatlin Boys go to Becky’s house and take turns raping her (“there were 3 of them”). When Tommy comes home to find Becky all crumbled in a heap, he is suddenly spurred into action and single-handedly whups on the Gatlin Boys. Rogers sums it all up nicely when he croons, “…sometimes you’ve got to fight when you’re a man.”

And that, apparently, is the point of the song. Forget the implications of Tommy’s girlfriend being gang raped. *He licked those Gatlin boys good. * :rolleyes:

Nitpick: Luka’s actually a boy. “Luka” is traditionally a boy’s name, and the music video makes it clear that the song’s about a boy. :slight_smile:

But yeah, you’re right about Luka being a kid. “They only hit until you cry” - they being the parents.

Not so much WRONG, per se, but a line that’s always stuck in my head.

Country artist Faith Hill has a song called “The Way You Love Me.”

The opening line is “If I could grant you one wish, I wish you could see the way you kiss.”

WTF? Out of ALL the things one could wish for (health, wealth, etc), this blonde bimbo wishes for a fucking camcorder.

:smack:
That’s right. I completely forgot about the video b/c (strange but true) the year after that song came out I moved back to Europe for a while, and there was a little girl named Luca who lived upstairs from me, on the 2nd floor! (Granted, it would have been the 3rd floor in the States, but there it was the 2nd floor.) Every time one of her little friends stood under the balcony and called for her, that song started playing in my head, so Luka became forever in my mind a little girl.

…not unless you’re a rock, or an island maybe.

Walk a million miles? Don’t think so…if you walked 20 miles a day for 100 years, you’d still be 270,000 miles short, unless of course you plan on stretching it out over the aforementioned million years, which would only be a mile a year. How hard can that be?

Cry a million tears? I don’t know how many tears a human is capable of crying, but I do know that no chick wants some dude who’s always crying.

Swimming the deepest sea and climbng the highest hill are vague enough to get a pass.

*The Grass Roots song

[nitpick] Not an ex con - daddy died in prison. [/nitpick]

Well, I dunno, you could say he’s an “ex con” in the same sense that John Cleese’s bird was an “ex parrot”.

Or maybe he was just pining for the fjords…

Yeah, but you have to be out of prison to be an “ex”-con.

As far as wrongness, IMHO, “My Heart Will Go On” is a horrible choice for a prom theme song. An elegy to a loved one who died? :rolleyes:

I sense a country song coming on …

Don’t cry, baby
Your tears will just warp them boards
Your Daddy’s not dead
He’s just pinin’ for the fjords …

Gives new meaning to the line about “this bird wouldn’t ‘VOOM’ if you put four thousand volts through him!”

But Lou Bega’s version (with the words) is just the most recent. It’s been an instrumental number for many many years. The earliest version i have (and it’s a cover) is on a Ska album by Bad Manners from the early 90’s. I know it’s waaaay older than that.

I think it was written by Perez Prado in the 50s, but can’t be sure. Anyone know?

Ok, this is gonna drive me crazy.

A male singer-songwriter did a great tune simply called “Wrong”, in which he sings about all these things he used to believe, follwed by a pause, then “Wrong!”

It’s a great song, and I can hear parts of it in my head, but can’t summon up enough of the lyrics to find it on a Web search. It’s got a country kind of feel to it. There are so many songs with “wrong” in the titles that Googling doesn’t help.

Any dopers out there can save me?

How about that Dave Matthews Band song called “Crash Into Me” or whatever? I forget how it goes because all of their songs sound like tapioca to me. But I just realized that I wouldn’t want to crash into Dave Matthews or any of his fans, because I’m sure we’d both spontaneously annihilate in a burst of energy.

What’s wrong with the Faith Hill song ‘The Way You Love Me’ was that she’d already used that collection of words in that exact order extensively in the far superior ‘This Kiss