Heh. Did you see that farm-girl-looking lesbian on Comedy Central, too? She was hilarious. And right.
Sabrina Matthews. And yeah, she was very funny.
It’s a dumb lyric, but I think Bernie Taupin wrote it.
As far as Only the Good Die Young goes, well, Billy Joel is still around, drinking and driving and marrying girls in their 20s. 
Maybe I’m being whooshed here but last I checked that was the point of the song. Its supposed to be just a quick little ditty he wrote up for the one he loved.
And let me just second Lightning Striking Again. I hope his girl handed him back his teeth in a bag.
Girl, you’ll be a woman soon.
Yecchy. I can’t hear that song without thinking of a lecherous, dirty old man who’s about to rape a young girl to “make her a woman.”
Granted, I haven’t listened to the other lyrics closely to see what they say - it could be very innocuous. But I doubt it. No way I want to listen to the rest when the chorus skeeves me so.
I was just thinking of that one.
Second line: Soon, you’ll need a man.
If I can just wait until she hits puberty, then I can pounce! Because she’s going to need a man.
Except that it wasn’t Sir Elton; it was Mr. Taupin. And I like the lyric. It’s aw-shucks, toe-shuffling, and boyishly clumsy. Great for a song of young love.
And if he’s supposed to be the same person in This Girl is a Woman Now.
Not paedophilic, but strange, and somewhat intreguing.
From “Never been to Me” these lyrics …
I’ve been undressed by kings and I’ve seen some things
That a woman ain’t s’posed to see
I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me
What is it exactly that a woman ain’t s’posed to see, that she has seen?
Especially since he ripped it off.
There was the creepy Benny Mardones’ tune, “Into the Night”:
“She’s just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don’t know what love is yet
But I want you to know -”
This isn’t scary-wrongy (to use pasunejen’s elegant phrase), but literally factually wrong. It’s an annoying early-'90s ballad that Vanessa Williams sang that goes,
“Sometimes the snow comes down in June
Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon …”
I have no quarrel with that first line, but the second? Vanessa, honey, no. It doesn’t. At least, it really shouldn’t. That would be BAD.
This one is stupid, but it has annoyed me for years:
“Thunder only happens when it’s raining.” Even Garth Brooks knows better than that!
I’m sure nobody has any illusions about that song that couldn’t be shattered by a couple listens to Frank Zappa’s Live at the Fillmore East, wherein Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman of the Turtles perform it as the conclusion to a skit about a groupie who won’t have sex with them until they sing her their big hit single.
I read somewhere (no cite, I know I know…) that John actually detested that song, which to me makes it perfectly okay to like it. I just can’t help it.
And I think any song by Gary Puckett is wrong.
You mean with some guys it isn’t?
I may faint from this revelation.
Egad, some of these songs are just horrible. Including several of the ones I like.
Any votes for
Bang-bang Maxwell’s silver hammer
came down on her head,
Bang-bang Maxwell’s silver hammer
made sure that she was dead…?
I may have missed it, but did anyone point out to the OP that Only the Good Die Young is actually about losing virginity? It’s about a guy trying to wheedle his uptight catholic girlfriend to jump into the sack with him:
Come out Virginia, don’t let me me wait
You Catholic girls start much too late
But sooner or later it comes down to fate
I might as well be the one
They showed you a statue and told you to pray
They built you a temple and locked you away
But they never told you the price that you pay
For things that you might have done…
Only the good die young
*
One of the funniest comedy bits I ever saw was a deconstruction of the song Cecelia by Simon and Garfunkle:
Comedian: Like, what kind of wimp is this guy?
Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom
I got up to wash my face,
Comedian: He got up to wash his face? Just what was he doing?
When I come back to bed
Someone’s taken my place
Comedian: Someone’s taken his place!
Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart
You’re shaking my confidence…
Comedian: Let’s get this straight. The guy goes to the bathroom, and when he comes back, she’s sleeping with someone else. This ‘shakes his confidence’.
…daily
Comedian: Daily! This happens EVERY DAY.
LOL! Heh-he-he-heeeee!
Ah, that cracked me up! Thanks for sharing that.
Paul Anka:
Havin’ my baby,
What a lovely way of saying how much you love me.
Havin’ my baby,
What a lovely way of saying that you’re thinking of me.
What, these people never heard of Hallmark cards?
Goodbye England’s rose,
may you ever grow in our hearts.
You were the grace that placed itself
where lives were torn apart.
You called out to our country,
and you whispered to those in pain.
Now you belong to heaven,
and the stars spell out your name.
So wrong on so many levels.
You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain (you’re so vain)
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you, don’t you
Well, if he does think the song is about him … then he’s right, isn’t he?