The Magnetic Fields’ Yeah! Oh Yeah! is a comic duet between a (somewhat clueless and annoying) woman and her totally evil dick of a husband.
The Decemberists’ Mariner’s Revenge Song and Cautionary Song both have total dicks for narrators, though I guess the in the latter case the total dick isn’t exactly the protagonist.
I haven’t read the whole thread, but searching indicates that no one has mentioned Randy Newman so far. I’d conservatively estimate that about nine-tenths of his non-Disney songs are told from the perspective of a dick. Okay, 90% is a slight exaggeration, but I’d seriously wager there’s no other songwriter alive or dead with a higher percentage of protagonists who are dicks.
Speaking of Newman’s second album, 12 Songs, “AllMusic’s Mark Deming said although his sense of humor seemed more caustic than on his self-titled debut album, Newman’s ‘most mordant character studies’ on 12 Songs ‘boast a recognizable humanity, which often make his subjects both pitiable and all the more loathsome.’” Cite.
Short People:
Short People got no reason
To live
They got little hands
Little eyes
They walk around
Tellin’ great big lies
They got little noses
And tiny little teeth
They wear platform shoes
On their nasty little feet
Rednecks:
Last night I saw Lester Maddox on a TV show
With some smart-ass New York Jew
And the Jew laughed at Lester Maddox
And the audience laughed at Lester Maddox too
Well, he may be a fool but he’s our fool
If they think they’re better than him they’re wrong
So I went to the park and I took some paper along
And that’s where I made this song
Political Science:
Asia’s crowded and Europe’s too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada’s too cold
And South America stole our name
Let’s drop the big one
There’ll be no one left to blame us
God’s Song (That’s Why I Love Mankind):
I burn down your cities-how blind you must be
I take from you your children and you say how blessed are we
You all must be crazy to put your faith in me
That’s why I love mankind.
(Yes, the dick is God.)
Back on My Feet Again:
Doctor, let me tell you something about myself
I’m a college man and I’m very wealthy
I’ve got no time to trifle with trash like you
Cause I must be 'bout my business
One of the most poignant songs I know, Marie:
Sometimes I’m crazy
But I guess you know
And I’m weak and I’m lazy
And I’ve hurt you so
And I don’t listen to a word you say
When you’re in trouble I just turn away
But I love you and I loved you the first time I saw you
And I always will love you Marie
I could go on, but you get the idea.
Without boring you with the Spanish selection (which would be be pretty large), I’d like to submit I Don’t Like Mondays.
Paradise by the Dashboard Light is quite dickish but also reflects a quite common situation and I’ll admit I want to bitchslap both of them. Alternating frozen trout strokes, as it were.
Misery Business by Paramore, though I can’t tell who’s the bigger dick in the song, since she brags about “stealing” a guy and sticking it to the ex, but the ex apparently is a manipulative bitch as well.
Torn Between Two Lovers, by Mary MacGregor. I heard it the other day and was laughing out loud at what an asshole this person is.
I have a harder time with this one. He’s made some mistakes, but he didn’t realize how serious they were until it was too late. That’s a step back from dickitude as I would reckon it.
I went through a relationship like this a while back. Of all the breakups I’ve had, this one hurt the most. By far.
Then again, maybe I was a dick. Perhaps I still am.
So, the guy ignored the girl when she said she was thinking of leaving, and he was shocked that she actually did it, and that makes him a dick? Okay.
But there’s a song that turns the scenario around. In “By the Time I Get to Phoenix,” Glen Campbell is leaving a woman who ignored HIM all the times he said he was thinking of leaving, and who’ll be shocked when she realizes he actually did it.
So, is Glen’s girl a dick?
Or is the man always the dick, whether he’s the dumper OR the dumpee?
Working my Way Back To You.
Yeah, I was abusive, but it was only to feel like a man. Now I realize the error of my ways (yeah, right) and I’ve changed and I’m going to get you back.
Classic abusive behavior. I told a relative that was facing this dilemma that she’d be a fool if she took him back.
Heart’s “All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You.”
A woman picks up a stranger with the intention of getting knocked up, and apparently never plans to tell him.
I just read the song lyrics, and I don’t think abuse figures into it here. The guy cheats on his girlfriend, she leaves him. He knows he was wrong, regrets it, and wants her back.
The real dicks of the world aren’t people like the guy in the song. At least he knows he’s done something wrong. The REAL dicks are the people who do something wrong, won’t acknowledge it and have no regret or remorse.
One of my favorite quotes was made by (IIRC) John F. Kennedy: “A mistake isn’t a mistake unless you fail to correct it”.
So… If a man is abandoned suddenly by his wife or girlfriend, he’s supposed to forget about her instantly or he’s a stalker???
“I used to love to make you cry/It made me feel like a man inside” isn’t abusive? In what universe?
And every abuser apologizes and says “I won’t do it again.” And everyone who believes that is an idiot.
Good Morning Little Schoolgirl, Sonny Boy Williamson, Muddy Waters, many others.
Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind, The Lovin’ Spoonful.
Look At That Stupid Girl, the Rolling Stones.
If you think smoking weed and getting laid, like plenty of other genres, is being a dick. Then, yeah.
“Song For Whoever” by The Beautiful South: sung from the POV of a songwriter whose only real interest is the money he can make out of the songs inspired by easily forgotten girls:
"Deep so deep, the number one I hope to reap
Depends upon the tears you weep, so cry, lovey cry, cry, cry, cry.
Oh Cathy, oh Alison, oh Phillipa, oh Sue
You made me so much money, I wrote this song for you
I wrote this song for you
Jennifer, Alison, Phillipa, Sue, Deborah, Annabel, too
I wrote this song for you…"
I haven’t thought about that song in years. Thanks for the BFTP.
Harry Nilsson “Cuddly Toy” (also covered by The Monkees) is pretty brutal:
“You’re not only cuddly toy that was ever enjoyed by any boy
You’re not the only choo-choo train that was left out in the rain
The day after Santa came”
Alfie.
So, in other words, the entire discography of Taylor Swift, then? 
Worse than “dick”: I heard once that the song is about a gang rape by Hells Angels. Even if that isn’t actually Nilsson’s genesis for the song, now that I’ve heard that it sure puts a damper on my enjoyment of the song.
The Lily Allen one? Jeez, I’m glad she’s not my sister!