In my opinion, a truly bitchy song is about an actual person or incident.
Carly Simon’s is probably the most famous with You’re So Vain, particularly with its clever logical trap, as there are several contenders who must have thought that song was about them…
But I nominate Ben Folds as the biggest bitch of all, for at least three efforts:
Song for the Dumped - simple and direct, lyrics apparently penned by the drummer after being given the elbow:
Battle of Who Could Care Less (not sure if this is really about a real person, but it’s so obscure that it must be):
But the bitchiest and most passive-aggressive of the lot is Stephen’s Last Night in Town which, I read on a fan site, he wrote for an English guy who kept on having leaving parties but never actually left - then played it to the poor guy (who then did leave):
Steve Harley having a go at his Cockney Rebel (ex) bandmates in ‘Make me smile (Come up and see me)’
*You’ve done it all, you’ve broken every code
And pulled the rebel to the floor
You spoilt the game, no matter what you say
For only metal - what a bore!
Blue eyes, blue eyes, how come you tell so many lies?
Come up and see me, make me smile
Or do what you want, run on wild*
I’ve thought of another one: You Little Thief popularised by Feargal Sharkey, which was written by Benmont Tench for Maria McKee, in response to her A Good Heart, which was written for him:
*And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know
You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me when you f*** her?*
Jilted John by Jilted John is a personal favourite. Lyrics don’t get much rawer than this…
*Oh, she is cruel and heartless
To pack me for Gordon
Just cos he’s better looking than me
Just cos he’s cool and trendy
But I know he’s a moron, Gordon is a moron
Gordon is a moron, Gordon is a moron
Here we go, two three four
Oh she’s a slag and he’s a creep
She’s a tart, he’s very cheap
She is a slut, he thinks he’s tough
She is a bitch, he is a puff
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair
Yeah yeah, it’s not fair*
No song has ever made me want to bitch slap the “narrator” as much as Carrie Underwood’s “Before he Cheats”.
For anyone who hasn’t heard it it’s a revenge song sung from the point of view of a woman who’s been cheated on, whereby she goes into detail about how she trashed his truck.
The funniest part is when she sings about how her rival is probably at that moment singing “some white trash version of Shania karaoke”.
Briefly, Turn the Page is Seger singing about hard it is to be a rock star on the road. It’s actually a good song, but when I really listen to the lyrics I can’t help thinking “Then WTF are you up there on stage?”
It’s available on Youtube and the various lyrics sites.
Well, besides the Stones song and a couple mentioned, “bitch” specifically makes me think of the opening line of Spin Doctors’ “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong.” The bitchiest lyric, though, might be,
I hope those cigarettes gonna make you cough
I hope you heard this song and it pissed you off
Of course Chris Barron never actually sounded real upset, and the next/last lines undercut the theme.
From the self-described bitches of L7, “Shitlist” isn’t their best songwriting, but it is credibly spiteful, I guess.
Classic, of course. I like the Garcia/Saunders/Kahn/Vitt version. Hearing it from gentle Jerry makes the bitter especially biting.
Don’t know the name of the song (and don’t feel like looking) but the lyrics are some thing like “it rayeeains on your wedding day”. Please make her stop.
