The undisputed champeen IMO is The Violent Femmes’ Please Do Not Go.
I love it, but sometimes I’m embarrassed to play it when other people are around, just because it’s so damned pathetic, and I don’t want them to know (Think! I meant think! mutter mutter mutter) that I am too.
Pearl Jam’s Black and The Cure’s Pictures Of You are others.
What other songs are good for nothing except a really solid self-pity session?
Well, okay. But don’t tell anyone I said this.
Lay me Down and Roll Me Out to Sea by Barry Manilow.
Got dust on my piano
and dishes in the sink.
Your side of the bed is cold.
I haven’t slept a wink.
So I read your goodbye letter
To the face inside my drink.
Lay me down and roll me out to see.
And then it just gets worse, but I’ll spare ya.
Well, okay. But don’t tell anyone I said this.
Lay me Down and Roll Me Out to Sea by Barry Manilow.
Got dust on my piano
and dishes in the sink.
Your side of the bed is cold.
I haven’t slept a wink.
So I read your goodbye letter
To the face inside my drink.
Lay me down and roll me out to sea.
And then it just gets worse, but I’ll spare ya.
Crap. Just the mere confession of my dirty secret got me so flustered I posted twice.
See what I go through for you, Joe_Cool? 
Well, I COULD list wimpy “she broke my heart” love songs, but that wouldn’t be fair. Truth is, ALL of us get weepy and depressed when dumped by someone we loved. When I was newly divorced, I listened to whiny Roy Orbison songs over and over. So… knowing how much breakups hurt, I’m inclined to forgive whiny songs about how “my baby left me.”
However… I will NEVER forgive wussies like Jackson Browne, who write whiny songs about how sad and lonely it is being a rock star! EVERY song on “Running on Empty” is sickeningly self-pitying… “Oh, it’s miserable playing songs in front of 20,000 screaming fans who shelled out $35 to see my show…”
During that entire, pathetic album, I never felt sorry for Jackson BRowne. I DID feel sorry for the poor kids in the audience who worked at McDOnald’s for minimum wage, to make the money to go to his concert, and listen to him bellyache about how rough a millionaire’s life is.
“I’ve been to paradise … but I’ve never been to me”
Pardon me while I puke my guts out heartily now.
Oh I never thought of the Jackson Browne song quite like that. I could always relate to it. I don’t think he’s whining…he seems to embrace the rock star lifestyle. I guess at times I think it’s a bit pretentious, but mostly, I find it kind of…I don’t know, romantic. Just my spin.
Songs I truly find whiny? Er, that song, what’s it called…“Why Does It Always Rain on Me?”- by Travis, I believe. It’s not that the lyrics are bad, just the way the lead singer vocalizes sort of prevents me from really liking it. In the case of this song, whine factor is not good.
I’ll think of some others later. Wait before I go. “You Ought to Know.”
I guess I was unclear…I’m not against or above sitting in a dark room listening to whiny music. I’ve done it plenty of times. I enjoy, in a sick sort of way, savoring a rotten mood.
I agree with you on this. Poor Kurt Cobain…couldn’t handle being famous and successful and rich. Waah.
And thank you! I’ve never had a double post just for me before.
How Will I Live Without You? (aka "The Co-dependency Song). Also, the aptly-titled Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me.
What about that “Eve of Destruction” by Barry somebody? He gets pretty whiney in it.
The Politics of Dancing.
And I’m never going to dance again
The way I danced with you
Since Dr_Pap sawed my legs off with a chisel
The tastily seasoned good doctor’s little ditty reminded me of Flagpole Sitta in which the singer whines incessently about being crazy. And being dumped. I really like it, though.
It’s gotta be “At 17” by Janice Ian.
Aaarrrgh!
I don’t know, but every song on Stabbing Westward’s “Wither, Blister, Burn + Peel” is about some loser pining away for some girl. Great album, but if I ever start whining like that give me a good kick in the head.
Goodness, and we still haven’t gotten to Morrissey yet?
*i’ve come to wish you an unhappy birthday
because you’re evil
and you lie
and if you should die
i may feel slightly sad
(but i won’t cry)
love and lost
some people say
when usually its nothing
surely you’re happy
it should be this way?
i said, “no”
and then i shot myself
so, drink, drink, drink
and be ill tonight
from the one you left behind*
Honey by Bobby Goldsboro. I win.
A small sample? Sure:
Yeah, Bob. We’re laughing alright. Sheesh.
'Scuse me while I go make a call on the Great White Telephone.
…would somebody kill me please? *
somebody kill me pleeeaaasee? *
I’m on my kneees, pretty pretty please, *
kiiiiiiiillll me, *
I wan’t to diiiieeeeeee,*
put a bullet in my heeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaadd! *
-Adam Sandler, The Wedding Singer
I second that ‘Aaaaargh!’
‘Last Christmas’ by Wham! also comes to mind. Mostly because they play it ad nauseum come Christmas. EVERY year.
Didn’t Jermaine, Frito or one of the other unter-Jacksons make a song that basically boiled down to: If you died in your sleep (“received your calling” was the term I believe he used), it would be a real downer for me, so don’t do it.
Gee, real romantic priorities, bub.
–sublight.