Top o’ the heap here indisputably belongs to “Sylvia’s Mother” by Doctor Hook and the Medicine Show. Mr. Creepy Loser Ex-BF is in tears by the end and never does get past mom to actually speak with Sylvia.
Second Place goes to “I Ain’t Missing You” by John Waite. The loser in this song is not only whiney, but is also doing a half-assed job, utterly unconvincing job of denying his loserhood.
Your nominees?
Hail to the Victors
I’m Not in Love by 10cc.
I’m not in love, so don’t forget it
It’s just a silly phase I’m going through
And just because I call you up
Don’t get me wrong, don’t think you’ve got it made
/////
I keep your picture upon the wall
It hides a nasty stain that’s lyin’ there
So don’t you ask me to give it back
I know you know it doesn’t mean that much to me
Except that “Sylvia’s Mother” is a parody. The song is hilarious.
Warren Zevon’s “Poor Poor Pitiful Me” is about a whiner, but since his problem is that women throw themselves at him, I doubt he’d a loser.
There is Elton John’s “I Think I’m Gonna Kill Myself.” Not to make light of teen suicide, but killing yourself because you’re bored is pretty self-centered and whiny.
Being a paraody does not preclude it from being the greatest whiney loser song, ever. Why would it?
I used to like Janis Ian’s “At Seventeen,” but now…
When I give it a listen, I’m like “Geez that girl was such a pathetic whinger, that she probably deserved what she got.”
I nominate Gilbert O’Sullivan’s Alone Again (Naturally)
In a little while from now
If I’m not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to who
Ever what it’s like when you’re shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying: “My God, that’s tough
She’s stood him up”
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally
Here’s the thing, though. At the time, those tortured souls were sexy to me. Although, my stepmom said I used to have a bad case of “lost puppy syndrome” (Dating guys who strongly resembled sad, lost puppies)
After the BCS game, the whiney loser song will be “Texas Fight”, which my sources tell me is not to be freestyled.
ROLL TIDE!, soon to be the SEC’s 4th consecutive BCS Champ.
Creep - Radiohead
Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus
“Loser” by 3 Doors Down or “Loser” by Beck.
Take your pick.
The Great Richard Thompson wrote “Hard Luck Stories” about whiney losers. But not from the Whiny Loser’s viewpoint.
Isn’t this the point of the Smiths and Morrissey’s entire discography? Some of my favorites from it are: “I Know It’s Over,” “Last Night I Dreamt,” “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now,” and “King Leer.”
Most of the Patsy Cline corpus, too. “I’m crazy, crazy for feeling so lonely …”, “I fall to pieces, every time I see you again …”
Of course, the classic song bashing whiny types is the Eagles’ “Get Over It”
Yeah you drag it around like a ball and chain
You wallow in the guilt; you wallow in the pain
You wave it like a flag; you wear it like a crown
Got your mind in the gutter, bringing everybody down
You bitch about the present and blame it on the past
I’d like to find your inner child and kick its little ass
Well I know his girl died and all, but Honey has to be the sappiest, whiniest crap out.
“I’m a Loser” by the Beatles.
So is Zevon’s “Bad Karma.” But since it’s on Sentimental Hygine, his post-rehab album, I think Warren has his tongue planted firmly in cheek:
It´s a dog’s life
And it´s not my fault
Ought to hang my picture
In the All-Time Losers’
Hall of Fame
Bad Karma
it´s a low-down dirty shame
Big boys don’t cry…Big boys don’t cry…
One day while I was not at home,
While she was there and all alone
The Angels came…
I keep telling people. She didn’t die…she was just traded to Anaheim.