Not sure this really fits (jehan nailed the one that always jumps out at me) but:
Styx – Too Much Time on My Hands
Wouldn’t it make more sense if you were a criminal? If you were in jail? I’ve never heard anyone claim that having too much free time kept them out of trouble.
There’s a song called I’m a Jewish Nazi that’s full of these, but damn if I can find the lyrics.
So I’ll go with Tennessee Waltz.
I was dancin’ with my darlin’
To the Tennessee Waltz
So you were – in the past – dancing to a song that you’re just now writing?
Along the same lines, the opening of Lee Michaels’ “Do You Know What I Mean”: “Been forty days since I don’t know when.” Here’s a hint Lee: ‘when’ was 40 days ago.
Just heard one this weekend that reminded me of this thread.
It’s a bit obscure, but the song is “Come On Joe” by the great Cajun/Country singer Jo-El Sonnier.
It begins:
It’s a long hot night
The stars are shinin’ kinda extra-bright…
But the chorus goes:
It’s muggy in the shack
And the back woods are black
'Cause the clouds hid the moon away…
But the clouds couldn’t hide those extra-bright stars, I guess.
The Billy Joel threads made me think of another one:
Just the Way You Are - Billy Joel
I don’t want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to…
OK, hold it right there. You say you don’t want clever conversation, but you do want someone you can talk to? So you want what…stupid conversation?
OK, maybe not necessarily contradictory, but it sure sets the bar low.
How about words that are from the heart, rather than, say, adroit cocktail party chatter?
That’s what I always figured Billy meant, at least.
In the Kinks’ “Alcohol”, Ray sings about “sad memories I can’t recall”, but it’s pretty clear that he’s being intentionally ironic or something.
The Friends theme song starts with “No-one told you life was going to be this way…” but a later line in the extended-version’s second verse declares: “Your mother warned you there’d be days like these…”
In "Leaves that are Green by Simon and Garfunkel, they sing “i was 21 years when I wrote this song. I’m 22 now, but I won’t be for long”. But, you must have sung that line while you were writing it, and you weren’t 22 then.
I’d rather rip out my intestines with a fork
Than watch you going out with other men
And later:
I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station with my tongue
Than spend one more minute with you
Hey, Weird Al, you’re not being real clear here about where this girl should be, or just how far away from you you want her to stay. Maybe you should just get a restraining order and let it go at that…
The ones that annoy me the most are songs that are internally inconsistent (which creates contradiction) with the object of the song. The one that leaps most immediately to mind is Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You.” The song bounces back and forth between being directed at the girl who left him and the guy she’s with now. The chorus begins directed at the guy:
but then immediately transitions to being directed at the girl:
and then goes ambiguous by ending:
In fairness, the verses are all directed at the girl.
It’s a damn catchy song, and I really like it, but I find the changes in perspective jarring. I know there are other songs out there that do that, but this is the only one immediately coming to mind.
“Date Rape” by Sublime, which starts the first vere with;
And the second with;
*The next morning she went to the phone
And called her local attorney at law *
Either Brad Nowell is confused about how long ago she had a drink, or he can see the future.