Sorry, folks! One more bed bug thread: Noah's Ark.

Okay , so were there bed bugs aboard Noah’s Ark? Huh? Huh?

This is a serious question.

No derails allowed. I’m serious. You are forbidden to derail this fine discussion theme. I don’t need to tel you what I’ll pray for you to be hit with if you try to derail.

And, no, this is not a parody thread or satire thread. Not in the least. No, no, no. Definitely not.

Just itching for your input.

Before we get to the bedbugs, is your username meant to be read **Trans Fat **“zero grams” or **Trans Fat **“Og,” as in the god-substitute featured on this board?

The Bureau of Screen Name Truth in Labeling wants to know.

Taek all kinds of teh birdz, An ov teh moocows, An ov teh creepy crawlyz on teh urf, 2 ov evry kind.
-Genesis 6:20

Bedbugs count as “creepy crawlyz”, don’t they?

Yes. But not on purpose.

I’ve always read it as the latter. Anybody (including the OP) who suggests it’s the former probably puts the toilet paper on the wrong way and is on the wrong side of the shoes on/off in the house debate.

Not only that, but they probably move their lips while reading the never-ending FX blog thread, pronounce the main subject wrongly, and keep helping bump it from time to time.

However, they do drink Scotch properly, so I’ll give them that.

Shenanigans! I call Shenanigans!

The latter, and yes, you have the correct motif.

Hic. :wink:

Again the issue of what a ‘kind’ is? I suspect that it was a representative for many similar species. I suspect Noah may have been voted off the Ark if he tried to take all the nasty ones too.

THANK YOU!!! This thread would not have been complete without your input.

ETA: “Voted off the Ark” – I was not aware that the ancient PATRIARCHIES were democracies. :smiley:

Remember that footage of Noah on deck, where he’s looking at the horizon? Notice him scratching (maybe at 1:58, but definitely at 4:07)? Yep, bed bugs.

And his kids had head lice.

Are you questioning Ceiling Cat? Doez u want 2 get pwn3d?

This one is a no-brainer. If Noah had not included them then we would not have them today. Same with the 70,000 species of annelids.

Obviously the premise that Noah’s Ark actually happened is faulty.

But if you accept it, considering that the ancients (and apparently, their gods) knew nothing about germs, viruses and teeny-weeny beasties, it’s most likely that whatever was hitching a ride on the animal came along, too. Noah certainly didn’t dip each in disinfectant (and that wouldn’t do much to internal parasites anyway).

Unless you dip very thoroughly.

No. They didn’t have small enough PFDs.

So I guess that also means that the Noah family was totally clapped up with the gleet, leprosy, malaria, herpes, cholera and cooties.

And if you count viruses among the things God made in the first six days of creation add hepatitus C HPV and AIDs.

I bet dinner-time conversations were interesting

Fuck that ! Who was the one with Ebola ?

Bed bugs originated in Germany shorty before the outbreak of WWI. The original bedbug was smaller, slower and was only attracted to females. It wasn’t until WWII that the bedbug was improved by Nazi scientists and became bisexual. The improved version, called the Wunderinsekt, was secretly exported to the Americas. So, there were no bedbugs on the ark.

I’d be happy to help Cecil do a feature on this if he’s interested.

They had bedding, why not bedbugs?

Um, should this even be in the Pit? There isn’t even all that much cursing …