Sperm (blush) sample.

Factual Questions
21

Turned in my sample last week. I thought I was going to have to use the “pre-humanity” line. I collected my “specimen” at home, then drove to the hospital. Knowing that I only had an hour to get there, I got more and more nuts over each traffic delay (and there were LOTS!). At one point I thought I was going to have to drive on the sidewalk to get around the slow traffic.

I’m sure you’ll all be relieved to hear that the boys and I made it with 20 minutes to spare. Nothing like working under pressure.

22

ROFL&L&L!!!

Guys, this has got to be the funniest thread I’ve seen in this forum.

Bravo!
Bravo!

23

FTR, a college educated woman 21-30 (or thereabout ) who donates her eggs, receives about $2000-2,500. The reason it is so much is because the woman has to have daily injections of fertility medicine and has to moniter her cycle and temps religiously. Also, the extraction of the egg involves some level of discomfort too. I saw an article in the Detroit News about it and considered donating a little part of me to humanity, but the hubby weirded out…that and the fact that I do not possess a degree and am over the age bracket. (Hey, I don’t live in a trailer park and posess all my own teeth!)

24

If the egg were donated, the woman would get a tax deduction for the value of the egg.
And the recipient would only pay for the medical costs of removing the egg.
I watched a program about this very subject, on “Dateline” I think it was, last night.
Shirley Ujest;
Re: Egg donation.
The whole thing makes me uneasy. I’m not really sure why. There’s no obvious harm done, but it seems like money can buy anything.
The cost of this procedure, just once, could easily pay for the adoption of several unwanted children.
Oh, well. We’re kinda off the subject anyway.
Peace,
mangeorge

25

Now how’d THAT happen?
Sorry, the salutation belongs at the top.
mangeorge

26

OK, I have to contribute my sperm sample story…

My wife and I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 months without success. I made the suggestions that having sex more often might work, she took the scientific approach, trying to detect when she was going to ovulate and saying “YOU! COME HERE!” at the right moment.

Since the scientific method wasn’t getting us anywhere, it was time to get our fertility tested. My wife brought home one of those helpful medical information pamphlets, this one outlining the steps involved in testing fertility. Step 1 for the man was getting a sperm sample tested, step 2 was getting a testicular biopsy. I was REALLY not interested in step 2 (ouch!).

The place where I went to give my sample was not a fertility clinic, but a general medical laboratory. The receptionist there was a hard-of-hearing grandmotherly woman, who asked why I was there (in front of a very crowded waiting room), and I mumbled “to give a sample”. She just had to ask what kind of sample, and asked me to speak up. I had to announce to her and the whole room “I’M HERE TO GIVE A SPERM SAMPLE”.

I was called back to the front desk again by a different much younger woman (with better hearing) to give all my insurance information. I asked her the procedure for giving a sperm sample, and she told me that I could either give it there or bring in my own sample in a sterile container, as long as it wasn’t more that 15 minutes old.

As I waited to perform my medical procedure (whacking off), I contemplated the mechanics of bringing in a fresh sample vs. doing it there, especially since in my area it takes 15 minutes to go down the street. Would I have to do it at a stop light? Do it out in the parking lot? Just WHAT would I say to the police if I were caught - I’m sorry I can’t stop, this is a medical emergency?

My sterile container was now ready, basically a BIG clear plastic cup with a snap-on lid, with my name on a lable on the side, brought to me my Nurse Ratchet herself. I had hoped that this place would have a designated whack-off room, tastefully appointed with a variety of pornographic magazines and lubricants to aid me in my medical duty. No such luck.

What I got was a sterile hospital-type bathroom with louvers in the door, so she could hear every sound as waited outside. Given the circumstances, it was not a lot of fun. When I was done, I handed the sealed container to Nurse Ratchet, who held it out at arms length like it was radioactive. Thankfully, she didn’t march through the waiting room with with my sperm in plain view.

As it turned out, my sperm was just fine. My wife and I tried my approach, i.e. just have sex more often. We were pregnant the next month…

27

There are some pamphlets in the gym where I go, advertising for donors. The company is in California and my gym is in Boston, so there must be some kind of national coordination. I’m yet to hear of a truck accident where frozen human sperm gets spilled all over the road, but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen! Something for you to think about while driving home tonight.

Anyway, the requirements were strict: you had to be over a height of…I forget; 5’11" I think it was. You had to have a college degree or be enrolled and working your way towards one. And you had to have a sperm count in the top third of all men; a sperm motility in the top third; and whatever the idiosyncracies are that make some men’s sperm easier than others to freeze and thaw successfully, you had to have.

So we’re talking a rather limited pool of really top-of-the-line sperm donors here (at least by this company’s standards). They pay for it too; I remember figuring out that if I could do it (I wouldn’t know without a sperm count, etc.), and I donated the maximum amount of times they allow (which was something like every two days), I could just about pay my rent every month. Here in Boston, that’s about $500.

Of course, bone marrow donations pay even more, and this being Boston there’s always a zillion research programs looking for volunteers; they pay a small fee, usually, and some of them feed you (one of them was a nutritional study which included free meals for an entire year!). With luck I could quit my job altogether!

28

One egg, $5000.
Millions of sperm, (one er, squirt) $50.
Sheesh.
Peace,
mangeorge

29

What the hell does height have to do with anything? I assume all sperms are the same LENGTH.

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

30

Rilchiam, that sperm bank was probably soliciting donors for artificial insemination. I’d guess they apply those restrictions because tall men with college degrees are more likely to be selected from their catalog.

31

[[One egg, $5000. Millions of sperm, (one er, squirt) $50. Sheesh.
Peace,
mangeorge]]

Come on. You really can’t figure out why?

32

Aura: I figured as much, but the AI brokers don’t have to play to heightist snobbery.

Remember, I’m pulling for you; we’re all in this together.
—Red Green

33

“Come on. You really can’t figure out why?”
—Cher3

I’m not suffering from confusion here.
I’m suffering from “ovum envy”. :slight_smile:
Peace,
mangeorge

34

I heard a news story on the radio once about a farmer who was upset because someone had stolen his thermos out of his pickup truck. The thermos had been full of bull semen. Boy, I bet that thief had a nasty surprise!

35

A friend of a friend of a friend (you get the picture) once claimed that a nurse asked if he would be alright making his “donation” or if he needed a hand. Of course he suddenly forgot how to do the one thing he had probably spent his whole life since puberty doing and needed the assistance. Well it wasn’t as he had hoped; the nurse attached some wires to his, erm, nads, and gave him a little shock, resulting in the desired donation and no doubt quite some disappointment. Now my question is, has anybody ever heard of this or is it a UL, I’ve heard that story several times now? It sounds too pat to be true, and I imagine it would be a littel uncomfortable to say the least, but you never know what those guys in the white lab coats are going to come up with next. Anybody?

It only hurts when I laugh.

36

My own sperm sample stories:

The first time was to verify that I was producing. I ended up at the only lab my insurance was associated with. It was on the western edge of Fairfax Co., VA, so there was no way I could donate at home and get it there before it was too late. I was pointed to the unisex bathroom with no material. (Had I thought about it, I would’ve picked up some “literature”.) As I was approaching ejaculation, I realized I had a problem. My erection points up at about 80 degrees, so I had to bend over to get it to dip into the sample cup.

The second time was at a fertility clinic in preparation for an IUI. This place had a little room with a comfy chair and about 6 Playboys. The worse part was when I was flipping through an issue and two pages stuck together.