Sperm (blush) sample.

This question is inspired by the vasectomy thread. Something I’ve always wondered about, having never had the “pleasure” myself.
Two of my friends have had to give a sperm sample in the doctors office (a long time ago) and I wondered exactly what you do. I mean, do you just go into a room and, er, whack off? I’m really not all that modest, but with at least two people waiting outside for me to finish? Talk about performance anxiety!
Same for a sperm donation?
Is there any kind of encouragement?
not mangeorge, somebody else.

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything” Mark Twain 1894

That’s pretty much it. Sperm banks also offer appropriate reading material to help things along.


A friend of mine had a vasectomy and was told to bring in his sample. He asked what he was supposed to do and the doc said “Use your imagination.” He thot for another second and said, “Does it matter if there’s saliva in it?” The nurse broke up on the spot and the doc admitted that no one had asked him that before.

My husband had to bring in samples several times before they “cleared” him for his vasectomy. He was allowed to do it at home. Just had to make sure he got it to the doctor’s within a certain time frame.

My husband had to bring in samples several times before they “cleared” him for his vasectomy. He was allowed to do it at home. Just had to make sure he got it to the doctor’s within a certain time frame.

Wow, my first double post. Today I am a woman. :o

My husband had his vasectomy at Naval Hospital, Portsmouth, VA in 1987. He had to produce the samples (2 of 'em, several weeks apart, IIRC)on-site. They gave him a screw-top beaker and sent him into a private room. He wasn’t provided with any reading (or viewing) material to help him along – possibly because the Navy didn’t want to be accused of promoting pornography.


Full of 'satiable curtiosity

When I went to UCSD in the late 70’s there was always an ad on the job board for sperm donors. It paid $25 per umm shot.

I wonder if the going rate is higher today?

Also, how big a vial does one get? Cause one would have to keep ones eyes open during orgasm to make sure it umm gets in that vial.

I’ve recently heard that $25-$75 is the going rate. I assume it depends on supply and demand in your area.

“Do you want cash? Or should we just go spank the monkey again?” Butt-Head

ROFL. I’m gonna get snippied just so’s I can steal that line.

In “The Right Stuff”, Tom Wolfe describes the wannabe Mercury astronauts having to submit sperm samples. It’s suggested that they use ‘fatisization, followed by stimulation, followed by ejaculation’. I’d assume it would be the same for sperm banks and such.

Of course, if you needed any help they could always ask for a show of hands.

Handy, your name takes on a whole new meaning with this thread. :slight_smile:

Leslie, you rascal. :slight_smile:

Anyway, I seem to remember something that a doctor can palpate a man’s prostate to obtain a sample?
Can I do this myself?

I don’t believe I’m posting this… :0

Try your “'tain’t” mangeorge.
And if you think someone is watching you?.. :wink:

Since I’m getting ready to give a sperm sample (for fertility testing), I can answer one of these questions. The collection container is about 3" high and less than 3" across. It has a screwtop lid. If you choose to give at home (or the office, I suppose), you have one hour to get the sample to the doctor’s office.

This sounds like a bigger source of anxiety than “performance anxiety.” I can see it now–me, driving like a maniac, trying to get to the doctor before my sample goes bad, getting pulled over by a cop. “Officer, please, I’m trying to have a baby!”

Guy - should you get stopped, try this line:

“My sperm are dying! Oh, the pre-humanity!”

The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average (mean) number of legs. – E. Grebenik

Well, zyada, I finally found my taint. Now what do I do with it (to it) ? :slight_smile:


Try pressing on it firmly. Experimentation should tell you how firmly. Assuming we’re talking about the same taint.

This does NOT work on women. (Had a boyfriend who would do this. I didn’t realize what was wrong until someone explained how it affected male anatomy)

Did you realize that blushes only occur on exposed skin (Stops at your clothes).

Mastery is not perfection but a journey, and the true master must be willing to try and fail and try again

Man and a woman on elevator at research hospital. Woman strikes up conversation; she donated egg, got $50. Man is med student, donated sperm, got $100.

Next month, same elevator, same two. Man says, “So, here to donate egg again?” Woman says, “Mmm, mmmmm, mm, MMMMmmm, mmm, mmm.”

ROFL! I promise that I will use this phrase sometime in the next week!