Because I live in a downtown Chicago highrise, in the summer I relocate several spiders each week from the inside of the apartment to the treetops outside by means of defenestration. If they’re in webs along the ceiling, a broom works fine. If they’re on the floor or in the bathtub, I’d like to have some simple way to pick them up without harming them, but also without risking a bite. Perhaps something along the lines of a paper-towel tube closed at the upper end—but what would motivate the spider to crawl inside such a thing? What say the inventors and arachnopsychologists among us?
Put a cup or glass jar over him and then slowly slide a sheet of paper under the cup, giving him time to hop up so as not to break his legs with the paper, then lift the paper and cup all at once.
I’ve seen a few tools online that would accomplish this. One that seemed most effective (but I can’t seem to find it right now) had a long handle and a kind of closable brush that would capture the bug but not harm it, allowing you to carry it outside and release it without getting close to it.
Other tools I’ve seen are here and here.
Oh yay I found the brush tool! It’s here.
The mechanical tools run a bigger risk of killing or injuring the spider in a missed attempt than the old fashioned jar and piece of paper way. But, for 7 bucks you can’t go wrong if you just want the spider out with minimal effort and at least a decent chance of survival with most of his legs.
I just use a jar and a lid.
Here’s one I caught about three weeks ago (and linked to in the Giant House Spider! thread).
I’m flabbergasted that there is a device for sale to do exactly what the OP wants.
I used to have a bug-grabber slightly different from the one linked to upthread. In “catch” position it had a tangled mess of light nylon mesh, which you placed against the traget critter, then compressed slightly by partly retracting the material with bug into the long tube handle.
In theory it was simple and effective, but in practice it seriously injured the catchee far more often than not. We threw it out and switched to the jar & paper method. On a scale of one to ten I’d say I’m a level 7 arachnophobe, but I can’t see maiming/killing them just because I have an irrational phobia.
Full disclosure: I’m okay doing jar and paper defenstration to the smaller ones; the not-so-small guys are handled by my wife, who serves with distinction as our home’s Designated Spider Getter. On the rare occasions when there’s a size H* Spider and wifey isn’t home, I run in place screaming like a chicken until a grownup finds me.
(* “Horrible”)
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Don’t click on my link.
I always click on your spider pictures. My phobia doesn’t extend to illustrations and photo’s, THANK GOD, so I can look at them with a kind of creeped-out fascination. The thing is, I honestly think spiders are interesting and remarkable creatures-- my phobia has always embarassed and aggravated me.
Also, I’m only about 300 miles east of you (I think), my wife and I spend a lot of time visiting her family in Seattle, and we’re considering relocating there eventually. Gazing at your pictures helps me get used to the idea of living in an area with spiders the size of ottomans.
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Meh. It’s not like they’re on the endangered species list, I generally resort to the Garfield* method of ‘spider relocation’. 
- Rolled up section of newspaper or a fly swatter.
(Usually the first one, 'cause I can’t find the second one. ;))