Jokes aside, why DID they file a claim? I’m thinking about how much exterminators cost, and how much my deductible is, and wondering how this made sense. Is the treatment for a brown recluse infestation thousands of dollars or something?
I think in cases like this, it’s best to refer to the classification that Jorge Luis Borges attributes to The Celestial Emporium of Benevolent Knowledge.
- those that belong to the Emperor,
- embalmed ones,
- those that are trained,
- suckling pigs,
- mermaids,
- fabulous ones,
- stray dogs,
- those included in the present classification,
- those that tremble as if they were mad,
- innumerable ones,
- those drawn with a very fine camelhair brush,
- others,
- those that have just broken a flower vase,
- those that from a long way off look like flies.
Spiders, and insects, too, should be placed in category 11, 12, or 14, I believe.
Bugs are a specific subclass of insects (the “true bugs”). Lady bugs are beetles (cute, but smelly, if you ever let one walk on your hand).
I hope you are kidding. Spiders aren’t attracted to human mouths, and have no reason to be attracted to that.
I don’t know how much it would cost to get rid of the spideys, but I can say I’d be prepared, and happy, to write a very large check if I were facing the same problem. I think tenting and fumigating for termites is like $2-3,000, maybe similar for spiders? And then you’d have a bunch of dead spiders, and whatever drew them to you in the first place is still going on. Nope. Fire.
The opossum claim was back in 1998 when homeowners deductible was often $500, and sometimes as low as $250. As I recall they had to replace the ducts and adjacent drywall because they couldn’t guarantee some blood hadn’t dripped into the ceiling/walls.
Well, they think I got a real purty mouth.
Of course spiders/mouths is an old wives’ tale.
Well, the spiders wouldn’t stay in their mouth. They’d just download the NOC list and then rappel back out.
If you’re referring to insurance companies and their lawyers, I fully agree. 
Quite. It is true that birds are dinosaurs, and also true that birds are not dinosaurs. It’s seems like a fairly basic point to grasp that words can mean different things in different contexts.
Spiders aren’t insects, but I’d surely classify them as “vermin”. Especially deadly ones.
Yeah, I’m surprised, too. I would have thought
- it’s not worth it
- reading the policy would make it clear that extermination isn’t covered.
I have consulted my hard drive. It has a folder named “Saved Photos”. There is a sub-folder named “Larson”. In the Larson sub-folder is a sub-sub-folder named “Bugs”. In “Bugs” are cartoons of insects, arachnids, and worms. The cartoons are all living together in harmony.
banging gavel
Next case!
They did not get spiders legally defined as insects. Previous case law says that for the purposes of insurance contracts, terms have the meaning “a reasonably prudent person applying for insurance would have understood the term[s] to mean.” and that they do “not define words . . . based on technical or legal terms.”
So, “insect” as it appears in an insurance contract is not to be interpreted as a technical or legal term, but rather just in an ordinary, everyday way. Probably most people would lump any kind of creepy-crawly animal as an insect for insurance purposes.
If I buy a fishing license to catch crab, that doesn’t mean crabs are legally fish.
I’m guessing brown recluse spiders are considered vermin, but not all spiders are vermin. They eat other bugs! That’s a good thing to me, and I have a deal with (non-poisonous) spiders – they don’t bug (hur dur) me, and I don’t bug them.
Sounds like a case of letter of the law vs. spirit of the law.
This would be like a restaurant or food manufacturer trying to win a lawsuit based off of some claim that tomatoes are fruits, not vegetables (tomatoes are indeed technically fruits.)
Smapti: “But in a war, they’ll side with the insects.”
Doubtful.
We had a large spider of unknown classification weave a web above our back door in Texas. We named her “Queenie” and I’d toss bugs to her on occasion. We had a positive relationship founded on exploitation of the local insect population.
Spiders don’t even side with their own kind*, much less insects.
*A meme that appears in several John D. MacDonald novels is the female spider that eats the male after mating, applied to a certain kind of woman.
Have you heard about the “mutants aren’t humans” case?
I’m assuming you’re aware that Marvel has a group of superheroes called the X-Men. And the X-Men are mutants, which is what gives them their superpowers.
A company called Toy Biz had the license to produce action figures depicting the various X-Men. They manufactured these in China and imported them to America for sales. And when these products were brought into the country, there was a tariff to be paid. But the tariff rate for toys was lower than the tariff rate for dolls.
So Toy Biz took their case to court and argued that the X-Men action figures were toys not dolls. And their argument was based on the legal definition of a doll, which said it was a human figure. And the Toy Biz lawyers said, “Read the comic books. The X-Men are mutants not humans and therefore products based on their images are not human figures.” And they won the case.
Wait! I know the answer to this!
The Blue Whale
Altho this is a bit off topic, the tomato is technically a fruit because the edible part contains the seeds.
Old Joke
Intelligence is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a bowl of fruit salad.