I saw this move a couple of times as a kid, but I missed its nuance and, let’s face it, plot. That’s because hearing John Gielgud say “Perhaps you’d like me to wash your dick for you” sent me into fits of giggles for the rest of the show.
I got the general idea - that Arthur was a millionaire drunk layabout whose family wanted him to marry some heiress, and he fell in love with some floozie or something. I’m lost on how it all ended.
And why was Arthur’s family so interested in him marrying Susan? Was it because they stood to benefit in some business sense from the merge? Or was it because they wanted someone who would put the reigns on Arthur?
It’s been maybe 15 years since I saw it so I’m sure there are parts I’m forgetting, but his family wanted him to marry Susan because she came from a “good” (read: disgustingly wealthy) family. Also, I suspect they felt her family would have an influence on his drinking.
In one scene Arthur goes to her house to pick her up for an obligatory date and gets into an uncomfortable conversation with her father, who gives the (paraphrased) line:
Father: “I never drink, Arthur. Alcohol affects one’s ability to make decisions.”
To which Arthur responds with that old chestnut:
Arthur: “You may be right. I can’t decide.”
Gloria, on the other hand (Minelli), comes from Queens, lives with her father, they’re poor, and she shoplifts. This appeals to Arthur because she’s real and exciting and completely not what he’s expected to find appealing. Arthur’s grandmother (or aunt, I forget) offers him her inheritance, even though she prefers he find someone else. He accepts, and he and Gloria live richly ever after.
Dudley Moore was an accomplished comedian, concert pianist, and IMO the most convincing blind drunk actor I’ve ever seen. I really liked the scene at the engagement party when he entertains the guest on the piano (Moore actually played the part in the movie).
Notable quotes:
“My doctor says I need six of these an hour” - Arthur instructing the waiter at a restaurant on his scotch needs.
“I’m going to have a tuna sandwich” - Arthur informing his grandmother that he chooses the sandwich over her $750 000 000 cheque (he gets it anyway).
I liked the movie. It’s light and a little cute. Of course, YMMV.
Dudley Moore delivers some of the best lines, as does John Gielgud . Everything else was filler. It’s worth catching in bits on YouTube or something. sees the moosehead on the wall
“What happened to the rest of this moose? You must have hated this moose.”
I giggle now in the middle of work just typing it!
John Gielgud (as Hobson) has all the best moments:
Executive: He gets all that money. Pays his family back by… by… by bein’ a stinkin’ drunk. It’s enough ta make ya sick.
Hobson: I really wouldn’t know, sir. I’m just a servant.
Executive: Yeah.
Hobson: On the other hand, go screw yourself.
Hobson: Thrilling to meet you, Gloria.
Gloria, Hooker: Hi.
Hobson: You obviously have a wonderful economy with words, Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness!
Arthur Bach: Hobson, did you see that?
Hobson: [wearily] Yes.
Hobson: That girl just stole a tie!
Hobson: Yes.
Arthur Bach: Girls don’t wear ties! It’s the perfect crime! All right, some girls wear ties, it’s not the perfect crime but it’s a pretty good crime!
Hobson: Yes, if she murdered the tie it would be the perfect crime.
Hobson: Arthur, I see no reason for prolonging this conversation, unless you plan on knocking over a fruit-stand later this afternoon. [to Liza Minnelli] Good luck in prison.
Hobson: [to Liza Minnelli’s father] Good afternoon. If you and your undershirt will take two paces backwards, I could enter this dwelling.
Arthur: Hobson, do you know what the worst thing is about being me?
Hobson: I should imagine your breath.
In 1983, in that period of my life when i would have sex with virtually anyone reasonably attractive, willing and…well, there is no ‘and’ - I was seeing a girl named for purposes of this discussion “R”.
When I say “seeing”, I mean I would occasionally drop my girlfriend off at home, and run by R’s house where she lived with her folks. We’d go into the basement, curl up on the sectional and she’d pop in the videotape of this movie while we had not-quite-naked-in-case-we-heard-footsteps sex.
We never went “out” in any real sense, she knew I had a girlfriend and I recall us even having the “it’s ok we’re just having sex” chat once.
This went on for most of the summer of 1983, then one day I just decided not to drop by.
Years pass, I marry, have the Kid, the Kid enters high school, makes friends and one day I meet her little friend “K”. Who is coincidentally R’s daughter. Do some quick math, breathe a deep sigh of relief, and say a slightly uncomfortable “hi” to R.
I never see either of them without thinking of this movie, and I refuse to see the movie again, even though I recall liking it, despite the fact that I don’t believe I ever saw it all the way through once, yet could recite it line for line by the end of the summer.
I thought you were going to say you and “R” fell in love, but you decided to marry “S” and keep your inheritance, and “K” has your recognizable features.
