I can see this as being an issue when, say, a friend is passing a used electronic over to another friend, but I don’t see it in a parent/child relationship: frankly, if that interpretation is even going to cross anyone’s mind, the relationship already has serious problems. For the majority of one’s childhood, everything owned or used comes from the parents in some form or another. If the general pattern there is loving and supporting and generally looking after finding a way to give the child everything they need and whatever of their wants can be intelligently managed, then a gift of a hand-me-down will be appreciated. If that is not the general pattern–if the kid already sees the parent as selfish and greedy and feels his needs are ignored or not a priority–than no little speech is going to fix the impression.
Huh. Many years ago, when I was in college, I got myself a new computer, and I gave my old one to my sister as her Christmas gift. Far from thinking it was a shitty gift, I thought it was awesome: she’d never had a computer before, and I was forgoing the money I could make by selling my old one, so that she could finally enter the digital age. I’d never gotten her a gift that cost me so much money before, and I never have since.
It really surprises me to hear folks suggest hand-me-downs are poor gifts, and now I’m wondering if she resented it.
True, but given Craigslist, it’s pretty easy to sell things that have actual value. If I give a used something to someone, it costs me whatever the fair market value of that item is.
Things I’ve given used as actual gifts include DVDs, board games, and electronic devices. The difference between a new and a used one that you take care of is basically the plastic wrap on the outside, and there is (well, was, in the case of DVDs) a strong secondary market for all of them.