Spontaneous Human Combustion

Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports
1

Cecil-

  Just out of a little curiousity here, it hurts me to see that you have left out the most obvious reason of all for SHC! Obiously what has happened here is a case of Vampire destuction. Clearly a concientious citizen realized this persons unusual night habits of destroying people in or not in the shape of a bat or other creature and then proceeding to suck them dry. This would definitely explain the found remains and any such wooden (preferably Oak) stake would have been undoubtedly consumed by the fire. Just thought you might need to see this view point. Yours sincerely,

              ----X VampSlayer  Quis
2

Here is the link to Cecil’s column.
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a1_205b.html

I hope your statement is meant in humor.

First, the title is a misnomer. From what Cecil said, it’s not spontaneous. An ignition source is often found, such as a match, a cigarette, a nearby fireplace, a lamp, etc. A better title would be “Anomalous Human Combustion”.

Second, there needs to be another update to Cecil’s column. I recently watched a TV program (either on Discovery or TLC) that examined “Spontaneous Human Combustion”. After playing with the historical and paranormal type explanations, they then hit the most recent scientific findings.

Scientists working on the “wick effect” theory set up a burn test. The Wick Effect is as noted the burning of the human body fat, causing a slow, smoldering fire. The test was set up with a room modeling actual “SHC” sites - furniture placed around, flammables like newspaper and cloth curtains, etc. The body chosen for the test was a pig carcass from a butcher - pig tissue is similar to human tissue, especially in fat content. They wrapped the pig in cloth and sat it on, I believe, a chunk of carpet. Using a little gasoline as accelerant to start the fire, they set it aflame and watched. The gasoline burned quickly, then the fire slowed. But that gave enough time to start burning the cloth on the pig, and then the pig started burning. And then the wick effect was seen in action. The body would melt the fat, which would burn trapped in the carpeting, and it smoldered with a small flame (16 cm?). This fire proceeded for 8 hours being monitored the whole time. During this 8 hrs, the furniture and flammables like paper and curtains that were within inches of the pig did not ignite. The pig carcass continued to burn in a contained manner, reducing the bones to ash. They stopped the test after 8 hours before the fire burned itself out, but the results were clear that the burning was a smoldering by the wick effect, and “SHC” has now not only been explained, but demonstrated.

There is nothing paranormal involved. It seems anomalous because people expect fires that hot to spread, but the nature of the fire contains it.

3

Apparently you have never dueled to the death with a vamp death borg. So I will forgive your unknowlegeable reply

          Beware they are everywhere
                Xslayer  Quis
4

From Quisling:

“Apparently you have never dueled to the death with a vamp death borg.”

Well, I’m still alive, so I’d have to agree.

What’s a vamp death borg?

5

Also, that wouldn’t be Spontaneous Human Combustion, it would be Spontaneous Vampire Combustion. Those are different things.

6

People, people, people… Everyone out there clearly know that a Vampire is simply a turned Human. I know that there are certain sects that believe them to be aliens only but they are certainly human, or at least a lot of them are as my friend Xenthez clearly showed when he was turned and I was forced to put a stake through his heart. Alas, poor soul! But anyways I can’t believe I am the only one with these experiences surely the teeming millions have some experience here!!!

       xSlayer------Quis
7

Quisling (interesting name), I just have to know why you are making a career or avocation of going about murdering seductive women as indicated by your sig:
----X VampSlayer Quis.

Tom~

8

Irishman and tom,

First of all, A Vampire “Death Borg” Is what we call a Vampire who has lived more than a 1,000 years and is basically intelligent enough to be considered immortal. Most of the normal Vamp slaying techniques will not work on the Borg’s. Only a stake through the heart and “DIRECT” sunlight will kill a Borg. Now Tom If you were to

Secondly, Tom, I am unsure of the reference you are using here. Quisling is defined as A)A traitor who serves as the puppet of the enemy occupying his or her country. B)someone who collaborates with an enemy occupying force C)collaborazionista
I use this pen in an effort to become closer with the enemy to know them better and destroy them easier.
If you are referring to Vidkun Quisling the man whom the word came from, I am unsure if he committed any such acts as heinous as his crime is.
Lastyly, If you mean me to be in support of or an actual Vampire you are hideously incorrect. My life is lived so as to destroy these creatures not perpetuate them, and I assure you their diet does not consist entirely of beautiful seductive young woman, there are many woman Vamps and children and so on. You will need to be more specific next time.

Vampslayerz — Quisling

9

OK, so can we fit the Quiz into the existing Taxonomy of Weirdos, or does he require a whole new category? (Monomaniacs Who Game Too Much, perhaps?)

…but when you get blue, and you’ve lost all your dreams, there’s nothing like a campfire and a can of beans!

10

[Quis**, I find your “name” interesting, but I would certainly not challenge your right to use it. Your statement

is a bit confusing, but if you mean that you don’t think old Vid did all that much wrong, I suggest you not tell that to any Norwegians, specifically anyone older than 65–but that is your choice.

The actual point of my post was simply to tweak you for using “vamp” instead of “vampire” in your sig. Regardless of etymological origin, “vamp” simply means a young woman who uses her looks to further her goals. To save a mere three keystrokes, your sig implies that you kill such women.

Tom~

11

Quisling said:

But what is a “turned human”? Going by my favorite interpretation of the vampire myth (a.k.a Buffy), they are demon infested bodies without the souls (except for the “cursed” one).

Regardless, by becoming vampires, they take on new traits - non aging, ability to fly, grow fangs and drink blood, only vulnerable to wooden stakes, holy water, sunlight, and crosses. The acquiring of these traits makes them non-human, despite being human before.

Now you could argue that the observer merely mistook them for being human.

But it’s all a bunch of silliness anyway.

Curious use of the word immortal. I thought it meant “unable to be killed”, not “really smart”. Or do you mean smart enough to know how to avoid being killed?

And what does “Borg” have to do with it? When did Star Trek mingle with vampire lore?
Da Ace commented:

I’d say “stereotypical nerd” would work, though “reality impaired” might work too.

tomndebb said:

I think he was just saying he does not know if Vid killed hot chicks. He does say the crimes were heinous, so he’s not negating them.

Okay, I’ve had enough of the silliness on this thread. Back to reality.

There Is No Such Thing As “Spontaneous Human Combustion”. :slight_smile:

12

Back to REALITY??? Are you kidding me ? Obviously this is way more fun :slight_smile: Just hope no one takes me too seriously here it is all a bunch of fun and games :slight_smile: Oh yeah and that vidkun guy or whatever his name is, was definitely a pretty bad criminal for his time and I did mean to say I just couldn’t find anything about him doing horrible things to young women thats all. Cyazzz all on the flip side and watch out for Vampirezzz

:slight_smile: Currently Reactivated by a higher power

       VampIRE  :) Slayer Quis
13

Irishman-
I’m a bit unconvinced by the hypothesis that you put forth. You mentioned that the scientists used a dead pig. Had they used a live pig, or a live human, surely the results would have been different. Would a human being just sit aroung for eight hours as his body burns away?

14

I saw the same TV show, in which they burned a hog carcass. Seemed pretty convincing.

The Ryan, one constant in all ‘SHC’ occurances is that the victim is alone for hours during the fire. No reason to think they are alive during the event.

I’d guess that’s one reason this is so rare. It requires ignition at about the same time the person dies. Often, it seems they have died or almost died of alcohol poisoning with a flame at hand.

“If you prick me, do I not…leak?” --Lt. Commander Data

15

You’re absolutely right, but I just wanted to point out that it’s actually known as the External Wick Effect.
The clothes on the outside of the body provide the wick and as the body fat melts it is absorbed by the clothing. The fire is sustained by the molten fat and only when there is no more does the fire cease.
This commonly leaves a leg/arm undamaged as it would not contain so much fat.

Nessie Lives!
(and “incognuity” should be a word!)

16

The unburned body parts are often the unclothed parts, as well. This shows that the wick is the key to the process.

“If you prick me, do I not…leak?” --Lt. Commander Data

17

The Ryan, the people are usually incapacitated to some degree. You don’t get alert, awake, healthy people having SHC. You get people who are very drunk. Elderly people who have a heart attack or stroke from the excitement of setting themselves on fire. People smoking in bed and falling asleep.

The person is unconscious and probably dead very quickly, it just takes a long time for the body to disintegrate.

18

The evidence seems to be pretty strong that the victims of “SHC” are either dead or seriously unconscious…

“What evidence?”, you ask… Well, I haven’t heard anyone telling stories of how their bodies spontaneously burst into flames, but fortunately they were in the shower at the time… OK, it’s not evidence, but fairly compelling, nevertheless.

Also, on the same show where they torched the pig (or another one just like it), they related a story of a murder. A man had killed a woman, poured gasoline all over her body, lit her ablaze, and dumped the flaming body down a ravine. As the perp sped away, someone managed to get a glimpse of his liscense plate and called the police. By the time they reached the woman’s body, they found that it was still burning due to the external wick effect and showed no sign of extinguishing itself. In fact, the policemen at the scene claimed that it was very difficult to halt the process - they used up several fire extinguishers. Later the police tracked down the killer and he admitted that the woman had died and was set ablaze with decidedly non supernatural methods.

19

Quisling, I’m officially inviting you to join us on the other discussion boards here on Straight Dope - MPSIMS, Great Debates, and, most importantly, The BBQ Pit. Your presence would be most appreciated.

Esprix

Ask the Gay Guy!

20

People, People, People!!! Hello!!! Is anyone not figuring out the topic here??? You are all missing out on the point that this is completely and obviously caused by VAMPIRES being staked here. What is described by the remains of SHC is exactly what happens when I kill one of those blood suckers. Sheesh!!! you’d think people didn’t believe in vampires or something :slight_smile: