First of all, my usual disclaimer that I *am *under medical supervision - I saw the nurse-midwife today, and nothing here will be construed or interpreted by me as medical advice. So you can leave off your disclaimers and speak freely.
I went the the bathroom this morning and there was some brown blood on the paper. Now, I’m at 14 weeks, everything’s been hunky-dory. Today was my first scheduled visit with the CNM. Crap, I think. I intentionally put off this visit until now because I didn’t want to deal with doctors and doctor bills if I was destined for an early “we can’t do anything but hold your hand” miscarriage anyway. I totally thought I was past the really risky part.
Then, of course, tears and panic set in. I want this baby. I really, really want this baby.
All morning, I’m checking the toilet paper like a madwoman. Always brown, always a little. No cramping, no pinching, no pain. Then two teeny red clots.
Shit.
So when I’m at the CNM’s, in tears, she says no problem, we’ll have a listen for a heartbeat and schedule you for an ultrasound later in the week.
Can’t find a heartbeat.
Tears again.
So she sneaks me (literally!) across the hall to the ultrasound room. There’s no ultrasound tech today, but she says we’ll just “see what we can see.”
Sure enough, baby’s fine. Heart is fluttering just like it should. Once the CNM wakes Fetus up, it starts wiggling and flipping around like a little space alien. (I can’t feel it move yet.)
But, just because I need a new thing to worry about, I notice that the placenta’s *underneath *the baby on the screen. “Um, that’s the placenta, right?” “Yep!” “Are we going to have problems because it’s so low?” “Oh, we’ll see. Right now, don’t worry about it - by the way, from the size of it, it’s at 16 weeks, not 14.”
So now I’m home again, with an appointment for Thursday for the actual ultrasound with the actual ultrasound tech, and a seemingly healthy baby. Still spotting brown though, and now I’m worried about the placenta’s placement. If it is now or grows over the cervix, I’m guaranteed a C-section, right? Plus, I apparently have a huge baby - it simply cannot be 16 weeks old, because I spent a period of time celibate, which ended 14 weeks ago - So I’m at “14 weeks” but only 12 weeks gestationally, which means my baby is friggin’ huge! Could I have gestational diabetes this early and not know it?
That made little sense - OK, my last period started August 26. We had intercourse - for the first time in three months - on Aug 29 and Sep 5. I ovulated on Sep 9. There’s absolutely no friggin’ way the sperm from the 29th lived that long! But the one’s from the 5th might have made it. I suppose if I ovulated much earlier in my cycle than normal, the ones from the 29th could be responsible, but that only puts the gestational age one week older than I thought, right?
Welcome to my brain right now. It’s not a pretty place. Any stories or gentle words of “Chill the fuck out, crazy lady” would be greatly appreciated.
