My sister called me today and it’s something like “Three’s Company Meets 1950s Icons”. While speaking of other things she mentions “According to the news Lana Turner died”.
Me: The actress? I’m pretty sure she’s been dead for years and years. And years.
Her: Well the news just reported her death.
Me: Lana Turner? The sweater girl? Married about a dozen times, had the mobster stabbing lesbian daughter? No, I’m really sure she’s been dead for many years.
Her: Well tell the news. [pause] Did she have an affair with Stalin?
Me: Not that I’ve ever heard of. I can’t even imagine where they would have met.
Her: Well was she Communist?
Me: Uh… everything I’ve ever read about her implied she was way too self absorbed to be political. And she dripped diamonds and furs so I don’t think so.
Her: Well they’ve got film footage of Stalin and a little girl in her obituary.
Me: Lana Turner… Stalin… little girl… Stalin… Lana Turner… AAHHHH! Stalin had a daughter named Svetlana. Maybe she went by Lana. And died.
Her: Well, Lana Turner. Lana Stalin. One or the other of them died. Anyway, didn’t you say you need a new mailbox? We found one dumpster diving.
For the record: Lana Peters, aka Svetlana Iosifovna Alliluyeva Morozov Zdhanov Peters, daughter of Stalin, is dead at 85. And in Wisconsin.
Also still dead: Stalin and Johnny Stompanato. Cheryl Crane (Lana Turner’s daughter [though not, from what I’ve read, by Stalin] apparently alive and doing quite well. Still lesbian.
Apparently Stalin came closest to having a father-child relationship with her than he did with his sons, though he didn’t come remotely close with her. He gave her a nickname (Little Sparrow) and had “photo ops” with her.
He wasn’t generally what you’d call a “Family Values” sort of guy: he publicly called his mother an “old whore” in her presence, rarely saw any of his kids, and publicly abused his second wife (who in turn probably killed herself at a state function, or as it was called at the time, died of typhoid).
He particularly despised his oldest son, Yakov. At one point Yakov shot himself during a suicide attempt but survived, which prompted his father to say “The son of a bitch can’t even shoot straight”. Yakov became a lieutenant in the Soviet Army and was captured by the Nazis in WW2; when they offered to exchange him for a German Field Marshal the Soviets had captured Stalin’s famous reply was “I’m not trading a Field Marshal for a lieutenant!”. When they amended the exchange to Stalin’s son for Hitler’s nephew who was a Soviet prisoner he still said “Nope”, and Yakov died in captivity.
Ironically, Yakov’s son Yevgeni is today one of the staunchest defenders of his grandfather’s legacy.
So Stalin not only sucked as a dad, his tits never looked half as good in a sweater as Lana Turner’s.
I believe it was Stalin’s first wife who (probably really did) die of typhus. His second wife (Nadezhda Alliluyeva) died of “appendicitis”–acute 9 mm appendicitis of the brain. Suicide or even husband-assisted suicide.
Stalin said of Wife #1 (Ekaterina Svanidze) “This creature softened my heart of stone. She died and with her died my last warm feelings for humanity”. I suppose he was probably lying, but it does raise an interesting Alternate History scenario involving a time traveler going back to 1907 Baku with some tetracycline.
Without looking any of this up for accuracy, Svetlana wound up in my home state because Frank Lloyd Wright’s second wife had lost her daughter, also named Svetlana, shortly before Svetlana Nadezhdovna’s defection. FLR lost his first wife and the children of that marriage when he was off on business, and a West Indian servant set fire to the house, blocked the top Dutch door, and brained them all with an axe as the crawled out the open bottom half.
[QUOTE=Slithy Tove]
FLR lost his first wife and the children of that marriage when he was off on business, and a West Indian servant set fire to the house, blocked the top Dutch door, and brained them all with an axe as the crawled out the open bottom half.
[/QUOTE]
Her story has way more connections to people killed with axes than most people’s. (Frank Lloyd Wright was considered an artist and genius, and Trotsky was romantically involved with Frida Kahlo, so specifically she has more connections to people killed with axes who were involved with artists/geniuses.)
Either Trotsky or Turner later made a couple of very publicized and particularly high paying appearances on Love Boat. Either way I think Charo played love interest Frida Kahlo in those episodes.
I wouldn’t say filthy rich so much as well-off, but yes. Last time I was down there we were supposed to go visit my 88 year old aunt who lives an hour away or so; my sister kept me waiting for about two hours because she and her husband found some road debris she had to go through and then had to go get a pickup to haul off.
Now admittedly the “throwaway” stuff on the beach is better than it is where I live or in most places: lots of contractors finish jobs and leave unused lumber, tile, flooring, and other building supplies by the side of the road for instance, but it’s 97% junk. If she didn’t own several houses and a big quonset hut she uses as a warehouse she would be a compulsive hoarder; her places all have tons of shit she found by the side of the road ranging from “perfectly good” bicycle tires and papa san chairs to stuffed fish to scooters (of the children’s variety)- probably a couple of dozen baseball bats she found once that she’s particularly proud of- you name it. She recently referred to herself and her husband as Sanford and Son; I reminded her that Fred and Lamont actually sold the junk they collected.
John Stompanato, who wasn’t stomped so much as stabbed. Repeatedly. Allegedly because he was abusing Lana Turner.
Also, Sean Connery beat on Stompanato for a while after relieving the mook of the firearm he’d pulled on the set of Another Time, Another Place; the fact Sean Connery is still alive proves either the mob didn’t like Stompanato much, either, or that they’re afraid of Sean Connery.
California’s Mafia weren’t as ferocious as elsewhere. Stompanato was in Mickey Cohen’s crew. LA’s rackets were mostly confined to gambling, and the violence kept between rival bookies. LA was so anti-union (thanks to pro-union radicals’ bombing of the LA Times in 1910) that there wasn’t much for the Mafia to penetrate. Drugs and abortions were available a short drive over the Mexican border. The LA cops, under chief William Parker, were too clean to bribe, so things like kidnapping and extortion were non-starters, too. Prostituion couldn’t be organized in a city where attractive young women on the make arrived by the busload every day.
Although Mickey Cohen did rob a rival’s gambling joint one night, and took Betty Grable’s jewelry at gunpoint. They later met at a party and smoothed it over.
