Star Wars: Chick Tract

I’m putting this in the Pit because I’m sure Fenris will be along soon to tell me how a Star Destroyer would beat the Enterprise if either existed.

But I just watched the last hour and a half of Return of the Jedi, and I don’t know how I loved this crap so much 20-odd years ago. Harrison Ford’s lucky he still has a career after so much scenery chewing, and he is the lucky one–nobody else from the so-called saga has one, and according to rumor, Sir Alec would take out your front teeth for calling him Obi-Wan.

But on to the Chick Tract aspect. Anikin Skywalker starts off well. He’s a good boy (though he drops out of school to become a jedi), but soon turns to the “dark side.” As I return to Return of the Jedi, I notice that “there’s still some good left in him.” Enter Luke “Uncle Bob” Skywalker to come save him from hell at the last minute.

The one other parallel I noticed was that the emperor and Vader freely admitted that they lived for the cause of galactic evil, just as the witches, jews, and catholics in Chick Tracts tm do.

So, I submit to you, Teeming Milliions tm (Jeez, I love this new interface almost as much as I love Eng Hump and being circumsized), is the “Star Wars Saga” as big a steaming pile of crap as I see it now?

Or have I had one too many beers tonight?

Too many beers.

Oh, and a Star Destroyer Mk. II will wipe the floor with the Enterprise easily, since heavy turbolasers are capable of 200 GT blasts…

Naw, it really is as overrated a piece of shit as you will ever see. Derivative, cliche-ridden, hokey… those are but the nicer terms you can ascribe to Lucas’ “epic.”

No, you’re right, they suck.

I never liked any of the Star Wars movies, even as a child. This makes me unpopular with other geeks. But at least I’m not impressed by any hack with a camera who thinks he’s sooooo brilliiiiiant just because he’s read Joseph Campbell. Hell, I’ve read Campbell too, and I don’t use that as an excuse to inflict bad space operas on the world.

(Note to Joseph Campbell: You didn’t need to encourage him!)

Ditto. The whole thing sucks. Giving the cobwboys and indians ray guns and spaceships dosen’t keep it from being a shalow story idea whos time came and went by the 1930s.

Face it: Y’all hate it just 'cuz it’s popular.

Actually, SPOOFE, if I was feeling mean, and I didn’t know you, and I didn’t like you, I’d counter with “You only like it because it’s popular”. But I’m not feeling mean, I do know you, and I do like you…So I’ll just let that one go by.


Well, yeah, 'Dave, but you’re the exception… you only hate it because it competes with Star Trek.


(And I like it because Star Destroyers have big guns. See? It all comes back to guns…)

What makes it any worse than other sci fi?

Space opera. It’s “space opera”. Sci-fi is the genre that spends twelve pages describing how futuristic can openers work. Space opera is the genre that doesn’t give a crap about realistically explaining how their gizmos work, making it a closer relative to fantasy in that regard.

Soap opera’s more like it. “I love you.” “You’re my sister. Oh yeah, our dad’s the evil guy.” All they need is a good case of amnesia.

Er . . . Carrie Fisher has had a tremendously successful post-SW career as an author, screenwriter, sought-after script doctor, part-time actress, and now host of an interview program on the Oxygen network.

Mark Hamill is one of the most-used and most successful voice actors in television (and occassional feature film) animation, and has been for about 10 years now. He also has amassed a pretty respectable B-movie career.

Lucas himself, despite your feelings about him as a filmmaker, has overseen the development of the THX standards for both professional and home audio/video equipment, the enormously successful LucasArts software line, his Skywalker Sound studio is the state of the art audio post-production facility, and you may know of a little venture of his called Industrial Light and Magic.

Yep, no careers there. :rolleyes:

Heh, I got sucked into it last night too. I giggled my head off and couldn’t stop the occasional, “CHEESE-TASTIC!” or “CHEESE-ER-IFFIC!” from bursting from my lungs.

But…when I was a kid…damn, if those movies weren’t the best things going. I was going to quit Girl Scouts anyhow, but when not a single girl in my troop even CARED that “Return of the Jedi” was coming out I knew I had to cut my traces and go.

I only wish I could have told Sir Alec that if I hadn’t loved him in the SW movies, I would never have known who he was and would not have subsequently fallen in love with “Kind Hearts and Coronets.” Might have given him a different perspective.

And a fleet of White Stars would have taken out the Death Star in no time. Mwahahahahaha.

I’m a big fan and I don’t need to explain myself to the likes of you!


The Star Wars movies have always been about bubble-gum fun, despite Lucas’ revisionist history efforts.

Why people get steamed when they realize the movies aren’t “high art” is beyond me.

I’m not steamed, I’m…well…a little depressed. I was 9 when Star Wars came out (the only new hope about it was Lucas’s hope for more cash), and those movies ruled my and my friends’ lives for several years–action figures and the Boba Fett you could only get with proofs of purchase, light sabres, Milennium Falcon models, the X-Wing that shot eye-putting-out darts, the works. It was a way of life (though unlike some others I could mention, I put away my childish things).

Then I see RotJ last night, and it was bad! Not just bubble gum, but bad! Now I have to wonder, are all the things I grew up on just as cheesy? Ark II? KISS? Styx? Shazam? The A Team? Dukes of Hazzard? Star Trek TOS?


Those of you who can remember, think back a bit about the year…

Remember? People dressed like greasy polyester clowns? Son of Sam? Giving away the Panama Canal? Mustangs were re-badged fucking Pintos, for crying out loud? Avocado-colored refrigerators?


1977 sucked.

Now, you can trash Lucas and his series all you want, but if you just look at that one, first film today the most important thing you will notice is this:

It does not resemble the year 1977 in any major way.

That was so important, some people tried to hide out for the rest of the damned decade inside the movie theater, because face it, the late '70s were lame. Everyone should give Lucas a big wet kiss for making one statement in that ailing decade which wasn’t bell-bottomed and hairy chested.

stofsky: I know dozens of Dopers are going to come after me with napalm, sawed-off shotguns, and trained wolverines, but I think Chick tracts are both more intelligent and more amusing than the Star Wars movies.

SPOOFE: I don’t hate Star Vomit movies because they are popular. I hate them because they are immense stinking piles of shit.

Monster104: I suggest you read Poul Anderson’s “Tau Ceti,” Harlan Ellison’s anthology “Dangerous Visions,” Robert A. Heinlein’s “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress,” Frederick Pohl and C.M. Kornbluth’s “The Space Merchants,” Frank Herbert’s “Dune,” Larry Niven’s “Ringworld,” Ray Bradbury’s “S is for Space,” Leigh Brackett’s Ginger Star trilogy and damn near anything written by Henry Kuttner and/or C.M. Moore, and I think you will understand what is the difference between Star Vomit and real sci-fi.

Forget all the dumb technical errors, like using parsecs as a unit of time rather than a unit of distance. Supposedly, the Empire has taken over a huge chunk of a galaxy and is hellbent on taking over the remainder, yet its soldiers cannot hit a bull in the ass at two meters with their fucking ray guns. Christ, given the way they shoot, those bozos couldn’t take out a banana republic on this planet, let alone take over a galaxy.
And if space armor is such a good idea, why don’t our heroes don some? I know if someone was shooting at me, I would want to be wearing some ray-resistant armor.
I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.

Sofa King: The late '70’s weren’t so lame. Dope was a helluva cheaper than it is now and you could still buy hashish. Heh, heh, I bet if you had attended some of the parties I attended in the late 1970’s you would have a much kinder opinion of the decade.

I had to quote the whole post… Sofa King, you’ve perfectly and eloquently expressed my own thoughts about the '70’s. I’ve always said there were only three good things about that decade:

a) I was born
b) Vietnam ended
c) Star Wars

Star Wars is the first movie I remember seeing in a movie theater. I think a lot of my love for it stems from the awesome soundtrack, the good vs. evil in space concept, the princess who wasn’t a complete panty-waste, and Harrison Ford. Unlike other childhood loves that haven’t aged well, Star Wars still thrills me. I’m sorry for people who don’t like the movies. I’m not knocking you. I don’t think you’re pretentious snots. It’s just too bad you didn’t have the experience I did. (Is this how religious people feel after they’ve been “saved” and want to share the joy?)