Stay the FUCK out of my EZ-PASS lane.

The BBQ Pit
1

OK you motherfuckers. . .stay the FUCK out of my EZ-PASS lane.

First of all, the lane starts when those giant 8 foot tall letters you’re driving over spell out





 EZ
PASS
ONLY

At this point, you should start moving to a normal travel lane because you don’t have EZ-PASS.

Typically, that writing doesn’t seem to be enough to clue you in though. You usually get the hint about the time the yellow flashing lights are 20 feet in front of you.

So, what are your options now?

Well, there’s a few things you can try. . .

1) Merging back in with the other people who don’t have EZ-PASS. . .those who actually understand, “well, sometimes toll booths take a while, but since I haven’t purchased EZ-PASS, I’m going to have to wait my turn.” But, wait a minute. . .those 150 people you just zoomed by don’t seem to be very understanding of your desire to cut back into line. So, you can sit there, blocking EZ-PASS lane trying to inch your way into bumper-to-bumper traffic, OR

2) You can drive right up to the EZ-PASS window anyway and start waving a 5 dollar bill out your window and honking. What’s this supposed to do anyway. . .get one of the toll booth attendants (who is servicing the people who aren’t morons) to run out of her booth and take your money? Nope. Maybe the lady from the grocery store who helps you with self checkout will come help you – you know, that lady that had to show you that “dinner rolls” is in the “bakery” section of the touch screen, not the “produce” section. But really, you’re going to sit there for a minute until the horns from the people behind you make it clear in your stupid fuckin’ head that no one is coming to bail you out of your latest stupidity and you better drive off and face the consequences, OR

3) You could just sit there in the booth talking on your cell phone like you were doing this weekend. Perhaps the best option of all. Perhaps you think you’re just waiting for a toll-booth attendant to rap on your window. Perhaps you can’t hear the horns behind you. Perhaps you think you’re in line at the post office and you’re waiting for someone to say “37 Cents Please” and hand you your change from a dollar. Perhaps, you just don’t fuckin’ care because you don’t notice what’s happening because you’re brain-deep in a conversation about how big your Ford Expedition is compared to the cars around you.

Wake up, folks! It’s 2005. EZ-PASS has been around for years and it’s here to stay. Get it. It’s cheaper. It’s easier. It’s faster. And when most of us have it, they can get around to building the scanners on the overpasses so we don’t all have to sit in traffic for 45 minutes on a 1 hour drive to pay a toll.

2

'course, then the gub’mint ‘ll tracker down yer ev’ry move! Ya’ll don’t unnerstand them satlites gettn’ them EZ PASS tracking systems! GUBMINT FOLLOWIN YALL MOVEMENTS!!

3

Reserve some irritation for the jamokes who can’t understand that a “2 Right Lanes Closed Ahead, Merge Left” sign does NOT mean “Let everyone ahead of you merge left and then use the deserted lane as your personal highway until you reach the barrier and then get pissed off when no one lets you merge back in.”

4

And while you’re at it, stay off the fucking tollway alltogether if you don’t have any money on you.

5

You may be surprised at the response to this one. There appears to be a sizeable contingent of the “use both lanes until the merge point” school of thought here.

I, personally, generally try to get in the lane I need to be in as early as possible.

6

Wake up folks. Fight EZ-Pass. Don’t become a UPC code to used and abused by money grubbing bureacrats who hide behind bridge & tunnel authorities who now have this need to pre-charge your credit card or checking account. Tell the powers that be, ‘queueing up to pay $9 per day in tolls is unjust, no matter how fast their scanners work’. Demand they tear these god-damn toll plazas down & shove their rectangular EZ Pass tags up into their round assholes.

7

As an addendum to the OP:

If you get up to any toll both and suddenly realize you have no money, **just go through. ** They will not track you down and shoot you. They will not give you a ticket, assuming this is your first time in awhile. This is in fact exactly what the Highway authorities say to do: JUST GO THE FUCK THROUGH!

8

YMMV. I have open-lane tolling on my way to work, and it beats hell out throwing quarters in.

9

I Love EZ-Pass. In Baltimore, the Harbor and Fort McHenry tunnels, as well as the Francis Scott Key Bridge are $2.00 one way tolls for cash and $0.40 for one way EZ-Pass. To save $3.20 a day, I’ll let them track me and pre-charge my accounts.

10

Huh? This isn’t serious, is it?

Is that really what you’re supposed to do? Learn something new every day . . .

11

Right.

IF they send you a bill, I think it’s normally for the amount of the toll.

I doubt they even track habitual offenders, but don’t send me the bill when they prove me wrong.

12

That’s the way it works on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. My mother (who, in all fairness, hadn’t even been a passenger in a car on the Turnpike in something like 20 years) took the Turnpike to visit my brother and I (I live in Lancaster, he’s in Limerick) here near Philly last summer. She accidentally got off in the EZ Pass lane and figured out to just keep driving through. They sent her a bill for the toll (which, because it’s the TP and a progressive toll, and they didn’t know for sure where she got on, was $32-odd, the toll for the whole length).

13

Yeah, he’s serious. I kind of figure if they’re going to be banging me in the ass anyway (and they are) I’ll get nicely lubed up with EZPass, rather than take the dry humping of the cash lanes.

14

I stay well away from your EZPass lanes. In return, could you please tell people that Exact Change means whatever you’ve got in your wallet of course. Now is exactly the time to go fishing for money and hand him a $20. :smack:

15

Ours is called “I-Pass” in Illinois, and we appear to share the same problems.

My favorite (read: least) is when someone about 200 yards from the IPass booth realizes that they in fact do NOT possess an IPass transmitter. At that point, the car begins to sway gently back ad forth, signalling the indecision. At that point, the people in the “to be merged into” lane begin to bunch up the cars, as they don’t want the idiot cutting in line.

When the decision is reached, it’s usually to floor the accelerator, flying though the IPass lane.

At least in IL, I know that Richie Daley’s eyes are upon you if you blow through the IPass lane. There’s the cost of the toll, and a slight fine ($50, I think)!

16

o/ The eyes of Daley are upon you all the live-long day! The eyes of Daley are upon you as you pass your life away! Can't you hear the dozers roaring fired up so early in the morn? Don't you hear the pilots moaning as Daley blows his horn? o/

17

They handled it the same as if she’d gotten on at Morgantown, traveled to Reading/Denver and said she’d lost her ticket. It would have been full fare from the Ohio gateway, PA/Jersey bridge plaza, or northern terminus at Clark’s Summit, whichever is greater. Hey, how do you think they pay for a crew of six trucks and twenty-three men to watch one putz pour tar in a hole, after 19 miles of single lane traffic? :dubious:

18

Yep. Johnny is a deranged nut who hates convenience. Of course, you’d have to be to live in Seaford and work in Yonkers.

19

I used to be of your persuation, but after thinking about this, I’ve decided the correct course of action is to merge when the lanes naturally come together at the merge, and not merge early. I’ve never had problems people letting me in.

20

Unfortunately JohnBckWLD, this is what we’re up against. People love their UPC status. I understand that it’s cheaper to get one of these things, but I still feel people should fight it instead of dealing with it. The potential for abuse is high with these things.