I would think one’s gender would have a great deal to do with it. A man may need a wife much more than a woman needs a husband.
One’s interest in children may also be very important. If you want to know your children as adults and meet your grandchildren, you’d better marry in your 20’s. If not, enjoy the freedom and excitement of single life for a while. I have two wonderful children and regret that, due to the age difference, I may never know them as adults. (On the other hand, I’m sure adult children can give their parents much pain, so at least I’ll be spared that.)
Something I’ve read that affected my eventual decision is that bachelor men have significantly lower life expectancies than married men. This is just a statistical average, but it probably applies most definitely in my case.
And obviously finding the right spouse is most important of all! I’m sure over 99% of women would be wholly unsuitable for me; I’ve known Mrs. Septimus for almost 20 years now, and finding her may be the luckiest thing that ever happened to me. (She claims the vice versa is also true. )
43 and happily single. It would have been great if the fairy tale had come true for me, but it never did. In fact. the happiest, most serene times in my life have always been when I wasn’t dating.
I’m coming out of the the most horrendous betrayal imaginable, so take this with a grain of salt; but if there will ever be a time when I trust a man again, I can’t see it from where I stand.
I actually like being alone, which my friends and family have a hard time understanding. Trusting others has never worked out well for me. I much prefer to get by on my own resources. It would be lovely to have a companion for plays and dinner and movies and such, but people just don’t seem to do that anymore. Somehow my generation seems never to have picked up on the value of simple companionship.
Thanks for the responses so far. Most of you are still decades away from retiring and probably still keeping your options open. Here are my thoughts:
Philosophically we’re able to define our own way of living and create our own subjective best experience.
Objectively, more constraints are imposed. We’re social animals. We’ve evolved to be with others, start new generations, and raise them. Those who go against this general pattern may have a tougher time finding lasting happiness and contentment.
Compare a career oriented business man who saves his money and donates millions of dollars to an orphanage vs a poor man who adds another hungry child to the world but raised him personally, along with the support of a tight family unit. The business man’s achievement is probably more impactful, but also personally intangible. The poor man has little relative impact on the world but benefits by living in a way our biology readily rewards us for.
Note: I’m a strong introvert myself and spend most of my time by myself. Although I prefer being single now–consciously, at least–I think that when it comes to long term well being it may be best to do the unintuitive and set a goal of having a small family.
Introverts have many strengths but I believe we may overvalue personal space and even freedom/control to our detriment. These are just my current thoughts which will probably change at least a little, and I’m keen to hear where you all agree/disagree
Mostly not as bad as I thought. I do get lonley for company at times but less and less as the years roll by. I haven’t thought about sex in over 6 years, and I’m ok with that. heck, I had plenty in my younger days so maybe I had my fill. It’s the snuggling I miss most.
I used to experience that too when I was newly single. I realized I didn’t have anyone to hug and I’m a huggy person.
Now, I have a social group that has a lot of single people in it and realize they are probably hug deficient too. I make it a point to hug people when we meet up - just because I know how much it sucks. It’s funny to see how a group of strangers has become a group of huggers and snugglers now
44, never married until <very> recently. Was never against it, but just did the serial monogamy thing; when things didn’t work out, no worries. Never had kids <not something I wanted to do without marriage for practical, not religious, reasons> and just enjoyed each relationship for what it was worth, whether it was 1 year or 3 years or whatever.
When I was little I expected my life to be a series of marriages, since I couldn’t imagine being only married once. I was sorta right, as the long-term relationships were usually living together and often ended in engagement. Just…not marriage. Always had friends, and used time without a partner to worry about to go do whatever I felt like. As a result I don’t feel like I’m ‘settled down’, though I pretty much am.
I realized after having been alone for several years (and self-employed) that when I got back to work, I had the tendency to want to hug people. They thought I was nuts and it was then I realized that I miss touching and being touched.
That right there is the hardest thing – just physically being touched. My mind is okay being alone, but my body is craving the physical intimacy of another human being. And, to add to that, I have occasionally tried NSA/FWB situations for “just sex” and the morning after is worse.
It is more than just desiring sex - it is the fact of human contact that being alone makes so poignant.
It’s strange (and I’m strange). In my early 20’s I had the fantasy that I would be rescued by my White Princess riding in on her unicorn, and all would be well, and I’d be ecstatically happy. Of course the reality was that I was horribly depressed and every which way fucked up that you can imagine, and would have poisoned any relationship that I happened to find myself in (and did, with the person whom I was once convinced was The One).
Fast forward through infinite numbers of changes, and now that’s turned completely 180: I am perfectly content with my life, and at best have plenty of ecstatic moments all on my own, so much so that I no longer feel the need for anybody else to make me happy-I’ve pulled that off all on my own. I guess my problem is that I am unable reframe the concept/search in terms of something other than her providing me with the happiness that I used to lack, but now possess in abundance.
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