Stick your cookie up your cachehole

I hate cookies. I allow them on my computer only when they are essential for the functionality of sites I deem acceptable (say, Amazon, or a certain Dope-ariffic site). Everything else gets blocked. I don’t trust cookies in general, and I grumble at sites when they cookie me for the apparent hell of it. And they all fucking do.

But it’s easy enough to click “apply my decision to all cookies from this web site” and “block cookie.” Done. Annoying, but once per site, or maybe twice if they’ve got a separate ad host or something.

Except that there’s a new trend: sites that don’t work for no reason if you don’t let them cookie you.

Like, say, the Walgreen’s pharmacy locator. There’s absolutely no reason the site needs to have a cookie on my computer for me to be able to enter a zip code on one screen and get a list of locations on the next. No reason at all. But if you block the cookie, the store search doesn’t work.

Hey Walgreen’s. Fuck you. That’s right, Fuck You, until your I/O port is bloody and raw.

But they’re not the worst.

Have you been to epicurious.com? Good recipe reference, good site. Except that if you block cookies, you get a horserimming pop-up warning on every sphinctersucking page asking you to “please enable cookies.”

Why? Why the shitsucking fuck would I want to do that? What possible incentive can you offer that would make me wish to do such a thing?

Bing. “Please enable cookies.” Bing. “Please enable cookies.”

This doesn’t make me want to enable cookies, you arrogant cockwaffle. You want to know what it does make me want to do?

Imagine I’m being followed around the mall by a heavy-breathing troglodyte with a squirt gun. “Give me a quarter. [squirt] Give me a quarter. [squirt]” That wouldn’t make me want to give him a quarter; it would make me want to rip a pay phone off the wall and use it to beat him into blueberry jam.

And your cloacalicking pop-up makes me want to digitize myself, whisk through Tronland to your offices, rematerialize in front of your web designer, and inject yak pee into his tongue with a large-gauge syringe.

Turn the fucking thing right the fuck off, you fucking fuckhole. There’s no fucking reason for it. No fucking reason at all.

Fuck.

Hmm, this may not be the best time to ask if you’d like to buy some V1agra at realy low pricees.

Well, cookies up the cachehole might work, as long as they’re those Cadbury Finger things or something. A round, chocolate chip cookie is just too abrasive unless you use lots of lube, but when you push it back out and eat it, a cookie just don’t taste the same all lubed up.

Where’s the cookies? Someone said something about cookies, and I’m not leaving 'til I get one. Chocolate chip, please.

QFC does this to me all the damn time. I just want to see what’s on sale, since I do not get the flyers. I hate flyers. That’s why I use my computer.
Bartell’s pulls that shit, too.

It’s as though they are begging me not to shop there. I may comply.

I’ve tried turning my cookies off, but no matter what I do they still dry-hump my leg. It’s all those fucking porn cookies doing it, I just know it is.

:smiley:
I just choked on my Fresca and it came out my nose.

And now I want a cookie. Mmmmm, cookies.

Indeed, that OP was a thing of booty. You could just feel the rage.

Well, if you use Firefox, this extension sounds interesting:

Distrust, “Hide surfing trails that the browser leaves behind.”

There are a number of other cookie-related extensions that make it easy to turn cookies on/off. For sites such as you mention, you would start a “Distrust” session, turn on cookies, do your business, then leave the site, then turn off cookies, then end the “Distrust” session, which would erase anything stored (particularly cookies) during the session.

That sounds so wonderfully musical. I love it.

sniff

Goddammit- that was just…just…well, just fucking beautiful, man.
'Scuse me…I think I’ve got something in my eye…

Qentucky Fried Chicken?

Sir, you are my hero.

I type this as I sit here waiting for Trend Micro to finish scanning my system using their online scanning software. It appears I have much Malware on my computer that my installed version of Trend is not picking up. I know this because I am still getting crap loading up in IE whenever some program attempts to access IE as the defaut browser (odd since I use FireFox as the default browser). Who uses IE as the default and overides my preferences you may ask? Why Trend does! Within moments Trends online service picked up about 20 different infections. I will be giving Trend a call about this as to why they should expect me to pay for something that their free product picks up, but their pay product doesn’t.

Cockwaffle?

Wow that looks like a great extension.

Here’s another, which wipes the cookies of the currently opened site:
https://addons.mozilla.org/extensions/moreinfo.php?application=firefox&category=Privacy%20and%20Security&numpg=10&id=1595 Stealther is another option.

Does anybody have any experience with these extensions? I’m seriously considering Distrust.