"Stig"-ify your work...

Cafe Society
1

I just finally signed up for Netflix, and have been watching, amongst other things, the Top Gear eps they have available, since I found season 12 first, I’ve been working backwards through the seasons, I’m on Season 10 now…

Anyway, I absolutely loved the Lorry Challenge from Ep 1 of S-12, especially the trailering challenges, highlights included;
The repaint job on the trucks, I especially loved Clarkson’s “Mad Max” blackout job, as well as the issues he had with reduced windscreen visibility from his blackout job…

[spoiler]Clarkson’s and Hamster’s cargo, Hamster was given a compact car to carry, unrestrained in his trailer, and Clarkson’s cargo of a bunch of hay bales at the front of his trailer… and an “electric fire” space heater at the far end…

Seeing Hammond (the supposed most “experienced” truck driver) have his hookup problems at the start of the test, causing his unrestrained compact car slam into the front or the trailer was just the start of his issues, culminating with him losing the car out of the back of the trailer on a hillclimb

Yet, the most enduring (and hillarious) image of the trailering test is seeing Clarkson’s blacked out Magnum climbing the hill…towing a FLAMING trailer!..

Of course, the best challenge was Hamster’s hillclimb challenge, the “precious item” put behind the trailer was “Oliver”, Hamster’s Opel Kadett that he brought home from the African challenge, a car that Hamster had fallen in love with…

[/spoiler]

Anyway, to get to the point of this thread, I always enjoyed their introductions of their “tame racing driver”, and thought it’d be amusing to do similarly styled intros, but designed for your place of work, first, state what type of work you do, and then do your Stig announcements

If you’re not familiar with the Stig intros, click here

So, to start;

MacTech; Computer repair industry

Some say he invented the Zero… and that he can format a hard drive by merely thinking about it, all we know, is he’s called The Stig

Some say his native tongue is binary code…and that Windows 7 really was HIS idea, all we know, is he’s called The Stig

Some say that he invented the Internet (Al Gore was just riding on his coat tails, the piker!) and that his favorite breakfast is floppy disks, all we know is he’s called The Stig

Some say he invented Steve Jobs, and that he’s mortally terrified of SCSI cables, all we know is… he’s called The Stig

2

I guess I’ll have to be the one to pee in your wheaties (seeing as I am home sick on a Saturday Night), but rather rarely do the Stig Intros have anything to do racing or automobiles - they tend to be a play on Stigs anatomy (" that his teeth glow in the dark."), or his habits (“Some say that he sucks the moisture from ducks”), or his foibles (for some reason my favorite - “he is in no way implicated in the Cash-for-Honours scandal. All we know is that he’s called - Lord Stig!”), or current events (" that if he could be bothered he could crack the Da Vinci code in 43 seconds… ") and so on (as a matter of fact, Top Gear could use some of you computer based examples for their intros - if they get funded for Series 16, some say).
And while I found the cheap lorry challenge quite amusing myself, I’m positive it’s a joke challenge (like their Caravan Challenge, where Jeremey ended up setting the Camper on fire - they told the local Fire Department, er Brigade, about the stunt beforehand and so the firemen used the situation for fire practice) as opposed to more ‘serious’ challenges (like the High Speed train vs Auto race across Japan). And besides, the lorry challenge Stig was Not the Stig, but the Stig’s Lorry-Driving Cousin “Rig Stig”

3

I was reading in the papers this morning that Jeremy Clarkson is pondering what to do with the Stig character now that he has outed himself (Ben Collins, racing driver).

4

Well, he can’t launch him off of an aircraft carrier in a Nitrous-boosted Jag, that’s been done.

5

They could punish the Stig by making him do a hot lap in a Morris Marina only to drop a piano on him as he crosses the finish line; then get a new Stig.

6

A Morris Marina towing a Caravan!

7

Some say he lays his eggs in the special tailings facility, and all the noise from the steam pipes is really the sound of his tadpoles playing bowls; all we know is: he’s not the Stig, but he is the Stig’s Mining cousin.

Some say he whitens his coffee with ANFO, and after an incident with the inspection agency, is deathly afraid of pH probes; all we know is: he’s called the Stig.

Some say that during the winter he lives on a lilly pad in the CCD, others say he keeps his helmet nice and shiny by swimming in the leach circuit; all we know is: he’s called the Stig.

Some say that his toe-nails can be used to blank pipes up to 6" in diameter, and others say that he has never used a crescent wrench as a hammer; all we know is: he’s called the Stig.

8

Carla Bruniwould never approve of this scheme…

9

FWIW, there’s a ton of *Top Gear *material on YouTube.