Stop me before I do something stupid.

Anyone can respond to this post (of course!) but I’d especially be interested in hearing from those who are in Middle School or High School education. I’d be even more especially interested in hearing from faculty or staff at whatever it is that gets called a “high-need” school.

I’m applying to teach using an emergency certification program here in Indianapolis. Part of the application process involves writing 200-400 word responses to three questions. Below I copy the questions, and my responses to them.

I don’t really know the education world, so I haven’t been able to shape my responses in away that would accord with any such knowledge. I’ve just tried to answer as honestly and persuasively as possible.

But please tell me if you think there is (or are) some point (or points) at which I am shooting myself in the foot with these responses. Are they plausible, making it look like I can do the job, or rather, do they somehow indicate that there’s something wrong with the idea of me entering into an emergency teaching certification program or teaching in public schools?

(Note: The only subject I would qualify to teach, based on my credit hours from my bachelor’s degree, is English. Actually, I’d also qualify to teach history/social studies/etc, which I might actually prefer to teach, but unfortunately they’re not currently looking for teachers in that subject. Anyway, I’m telling this so you’ll know I’m applying specifically to be an English teacher.

I’d love to teach math but I just don’t have the credit hours for it.)

Thanks for any and all feedback!

Looking at the text as a whole, rather than word-by-word, there’s an awful lot of waffle in there, starting with the first three words. And the final paragraph is horrible.

What is waffle?

Good catch about the first three words. I promise that made more sense in a previous draft where that wasn’t the first sentence in the piece, but you’re right that it needs to be taken out!

I believe that “waffle” means something along the lines of “pleasant-sounding language that doesn’t really mean anything in particular”. ie, verbal fluff.

“verbal fluff” is exactly what they are looking for. You come across as idealistic and hard-working, both traits they will appreciate.

There are some major typos in there!

This sentence needs help.

Sowing.

Thanks for pointing these out. I’d caught this one already–it was supposed to be “it is… that…” The “it is” got accidentally deleted in some revision or other. In fact, though, I’m now just rewriting the whole sentence.

Doh!

I forgot to say - I commend you for your application. Teaching high-need kids is something this country needs! Kudos to you for trying!

Good luck. :slight_smile:

Personally, I would edit the first paragraph, this way.
“The students at high-need schools are often the ones with the most potential. Students at high-need schools are more likely to have potential that is yet untapped due to the socioeconomic factors that mark their schools as “high-need”. For this reason, the prospect of teaching at a high-need school gives me the greatest sense of contribution.”
Don’t qualify the statements. Be bold. The people interviewing you know exactly what high need schools are like and what they need.

Good luck and thanks for teaching!

it is… which

Extraneous verbiage. The whole thing needs to be really tightened up and made punchier. You’ve written as if you’re talking to them, but this is a written, not verbal, submission. And where you state facts, you should give citations. For example, in the first paragraph, instead of ‘For on average …’ you should write ‘X’s study in (whenever) demonstrated that …’, but better would b to mix this with Brassyphrase’s rewrite.

And you can get rid of lots of words like ‘certainly’ and ‘realistically’.

Thanks for the feedback so far, everyone.

Is there a general consensus that problems with the essays have to do with word choice and phraseology, and not so much with the ideas expressed?

In other words, are the ideas expressed appropriate for the purpose of the essay, as far as you can tell, or are there points that I make and arguments that I advance that are likely to be the wrong points and arguments to make for this purpose for this audience?

I think the ideas you are expressing are fine - it sounds like you would be a good candidate for emergency certification (although I think it is crazy to send the newest teachers into the toughest schools).

Your three responses are good. The first shows that you are focused on academic achievement, not just behavior management. It shows that you have a positive attitude and high expectations but you still seem realistic about the ability level of the students you will be teaching.

The second response shows that you have already began to analyse and refine your teaching strategies. You obviously understand that teaching is more than just presenting a series of facts to be memorized.

The final response was surprising to me at first but on reflection I think it is great. By nature I am forgetful and disorganized. When I started teaching I realized that I needed make a conscious effort to become more organized so I did a lot of the things you mentioned - started using a diary, I set up a proper filing system and planned all my lessons well in advance. So I think your point about organization being really important to teachers is fine. Every week I have to do an incredible number of small jobs, meet deadlines, and to arrive at every class and duty on time. IF I was not organized properly everything would fall apart.

Of course, I am just a teacher so I don’t know exactly what the admissions people are looking for. But as a teacher I think that overall it sounds good. I would be very happy to work with you anyway. While I was at university I was placed in a high-need school for four weeks and the first thing one teacher told me was, “The great thing about this school is that it is a welfare school, so you don’t have to worry about the academic side too much.” A lot of teachers, young and old, were totally disillusioned and it was hard to get good advice from them or discuss ways to improve the school. We really need more patient and dedicated teachers in those schools.

Good luck!

“Yet it was when teaching the troubled students—the ones who believed they hate to read and who saw education as a pointless and discouraging process—that I came to really know what it means to accomplish something when teaching.” Eliminate the word yet.

“But by the end of our time together, this student was sheepishly admitting to me that he’d “read ahead” and that he really enjoyed our text (Of Mice and Men).” Change the word but at the beginning of the sentence to however (comma), or something similar.

“Something changed in that student, for the better, and I had something to do with that.” Eliminate the comma between the words student and for. “and I had something to do with that.” could be replaced with and I am happy/proud to have contributed to his academic growth/progress.

“But I do expect to encounter a large proportion of frustrated, discouraged, or otherwise troubled students at a high-need school.” Eliminate the word but at the beginning again. It’s not good to begin a sentence with the word ‘but’.

“And I am excited about the teaching opportunities this presents.” Eliminate the word and (you should never begin a sentence with the word and), and you could put the word challenge between this and presents.

The last paragraph in the first question is an excellent summary - well done.

“Providing effective constructive feedback to written work—feedback that helps the student learn how to examine and improve her own writing—is key to the teaching of writing.” Instead of teaching of writing, how about ‘writing instruction’?

“And over the years, as I’ve worked as an English teacher, a Philosophy instructor, and a Writing tutor, my skills for writing feedback have grown, and indeed I have developed some techniques based on them.” This sentence shouldn’t begin with the word and. The last sentence that says techniques bases on them… what is them? Did you mean to say ‘upon past experience’?

“and I color-code my comments to make the distinction between these categories clear.” You may want to eliminate the word I, as it is superfluous.

“This is a simple idea, but it is very effective in helping the student organize his own understanding of the criticisms. Instead of being overwhelmed, the student can clearly see a way to broadly divide up the criticisms and fit them easily into the overall project of understanding how the paper could be improved.” You can probably eliminate this section. The reader will comprehend what you are saying without belaboring the point.

“This helps them learn to write thoughtfully and clearly, whether the format is that of a long paper, or of a shorter paragraph response to a prompt or quiz question.” Add the word process between this and helps. Instead of thoughtfully and clearly, how about clearly and succinctly? Instead of whether the format is that of a… how about whether the format consists of…? Instead of a long paper, do you like the sound of lengthy essay? Instead of ‘shorter paragraph’ you can put ‘brief’.

“I did things I’d never done before. I made to-do lists. I set down deadlines for myself on calendars in a disciplined, conscientious way. I organized paperwork using folders. I hadn’t realized before this to just what extent I’d managed to “float” through life. Indeed, I had always thought of myself as responsible and punctual. But that self-conception was being tested.” This paragraph is a little choppy, especially the first four sentences. They all begin with ‘I’ and are too brief. Can you combine them in order to create a sentence or two that flows better? The sentence that begins with ‘but’ needs to be edited.

“The good news is, it worked. I developed the right habits for myself. And because I was able to organize my work effectively, my job search went well. This semester I am teaching four University level courses, and successfully freelancing as a grant proposal writer. The academic job market is extremely difficult right now. But through organization and discipline I was able to overcome that difficulty.” The first two sentences are too short and are incomplete sentences. The third, you started with ‘and’ again. “The academic job market is extremely difficult right now. But through organization and discipline I was able to overcome that difficulty.” Eliminate the period between ‘now’ and ‘but’. and replace it with a comma. It flows better that way, and you shouldn’t begin a sentence with the word ‘but’.

I’m not trying to pick on you, but am happy to help if at all possible. You’re a good writer. I like to have people critiques my work too, because often a fresh perspective is needed to show me what I’m doing wrong. I usually get too repetitive in my essays, but sometimes it helps when other people point that out to me as I don’t catch it myself.

God luck!

First - I like the overall content and the ideas of what is in there. Whether it’s applicable to what they are looking for - thats a different question, and something I’m generally terrible at judging.

Was it just me, or did anyone else find many of the sentences unwiedly? Either broken up with comma’s, parenthesis, starting sentences with words like ‘and’ and ‘but’, etc?

Frylock - I bet you are suffering from having so much exposure to the material at hand that, for lack of a better phrase, you are having trouble seeing the forest through the trees. When is this due? Is it possible to put it aside for a few days and review it later in the week when you’ve had a chance to let things decompress?

In rereading, I guess this post seems harsh - I don’t really mean it to be that way. I think a lot of the content is solid, but I’m just thinking that you’ve gone over it so much that when you review it, you may be anticipating what is coming up - giving you an advantage in comprehension that someone else would not have. Thats all.