Straight NY-Area Dopers: Apply to Be Queer-Eyed!

I’m sure all the straight NY-area Doper men already have fabulous hair, apartments, kitchens and wardrobes . . . But just in case, whyn’cha apply to be made over by the Fab Five (and have the rest of us descend on you en masse for hooting, hollering and Kyan-napping)?

As well you should be.

I’d apply to be on the show in a minute, but I live in Miami.

And I live with my parents.

Dammit, I suck.

I have a friend in that area who DID apply, and DID speak to someone over the phone about it, but he’s been very closed-mouthed about it since. I SUSPECT he may have been selected, but this guy is the type who can keep a secret well. I’ll let y’all know if I find out anything.

If you see him with a new hairstyle and clothing, you’ll know.

Men I’m hoping will apply/be chosen:

-more non-white men (they’ve only done one black guy to date {“I’m so… in love with youuuuu”}) and no Asian or Hispanic guys

-an older (50+) man (perhaps one who’s returning to the dating scene after 30 years and is still living in the Ford Administration)

-a celebrity (I hate him, but Michael Moore lives in NYC and could certainly use a make-over, as could New Yorkers Ed Koch [who’s officially straight, anyway], Brian Dennehy and Tony Roberts, plus since a large part of the show is based on the income of the person Thom & Carson could really go to down [while Jai could really go for coffee]).

-a nerdy bookworm who’s really sexy but doesn’t know it

Hey! I live in New York, and I would love to be on that show. I mean, I can cook, and I’m in decent shape, but my dress sense is poor and I can’t dance and…

Oh. Oh I see. New York City. I don’t suppose they’d make house calls to the Niagara Falls, New York area. There is a marked dearth of coffee shops and fine clothing purveyors in this locale.

(grumble) and Channel 7 ain’t gonna be launching their own version any time soon

Hmm… I could certainly use a makeover (as those of you who have met me will attest). I’ll give it some thought. If you guys want to encourage me, feel free.

I was talking to a friend of mine and I joked that I should nominate him for the show.

He said he already turned it down.
It was very early in the production of the show and he didn’t know too much about it. He had also already went through a make-over because he was in the process of running for city council. (he lost) But they called him and talked to him on the phone and asked to meet him and he said no thanks.

He really needed the Fab 5.

Isn’t there talk about the Fab 5 going “on the road”? (Of course if they do it’ll still probably be to first tier cities; it’d be rather difficult to furnish a house with Ikea and find a sunless tanning parlor in Americus, GA.

Well, that’s the thing, see. While he is a friend of mine, I live nowhere even remotely near him, so for all I know he’s walking around with tjuzhed sleeves and a head full of product.

I would LOVE to see what these guys could do with nothing but a Target and a neighborhood grocery store as resources. I read an interview with Ted Allen in which he said he was looking forward to taking the show on the road, although he was slightly concerned about the prospect of living in a bus for a while. The ads are still saying “straight guys in the metropolitan NY area” though, so we may be a season or two away from that, yet.