And all the schlub attorneys are always going out with/screwing/married to said women.
And the cops, at least, have enough strength left for one last, deadly accurate, shot.
If you ask for the warrant or a lawyer the cops will make(or at least threaten to make) your life such a living hell, you’d be better off just letting them do their thing so they’ll go away.
No matter how bad their clothes and hair may look, all criminals have perfectly formed, brilliantly white teeth.
All businesses have immediate access to records. If the detective asks if anyone purchased a particular item in the past decade, the store can immediatly find the complete information on the only person who purchased it. It the clerk cant find it right away the detective must threaten charging the clerk with hampering an investigation. That produces the info right away.
Nothing found at a crime scene will turn out to be coincidental or irrelevant. There’s no need to try to sort out the clues from the random detritus - it’s ALL just a big pile of clues.
And then a shooting, of either the defendant (by a relative of the victim after being found not guilty) or of the attorney.
Possession is nine tenths of the law!
Apparently that’s based on a real thing (possession is nine points of the law) but it still isn’t used accurately.
The bad guy is always Bruce Davison.
If there is a famous but jaded movie star anywhere near the action in a one-off role, s/he is guilty, no matter how unlikely that may appear at first.
Murder trials take a couple of minutes; counsels’ addresses in murder trials take 30 seconds.
Any detective/prosecutor will get landed with cases with a huge number of improbable moral dilemmas each year, no matter how seemingly contrived they might appear to be - does a “confession” by a Jewish boy to a Catholic priest come within the seal of the confessional, etc, blah blah.
Prosecution and law enforcement agencies have absolutely no concept of ethical boundaries. Was a prosecutor’s son kidnapped? Then let’s give him the case to prosecute, because after all he will be motivated to get a result. :rolleyes:
Primary facts like eyewitness identifications and narratives are almost never subject to credibility attack, and different witnesses to the same event always see the same thing exactly the same way. There are no random errors or conflicts in peoples’ testimony. The only people whose credibility is on the line is the final (factually guilty) suspect or maybe some mook who was the initial red-herring suspect.
A consequence of this is that all you have to do is get a co-offender to roll over, and as soon as the primary offender sees his statement, he craps his pants and wants to cut a deal, no matter how unpromising a witness the rollover guy is.
People who go to the trouble of hiring lawyers, and getting legal advice to shut their mouths, are always easily provoked into ignoring it saying “No Morrie, I have to say this” and then blurting out dumb shit that gets them jailed.
If a policeman’s motives are pure, the rules don’t count and he can do whatever it takes to get the crim.
My penultimate class in Cop School was “Taking off/putting on sunglasses for emphasis”.
But the last one has really cemented my career. It was an intensive three weeks practicing “The Redundant Repeat”:
Woman: “Thanks, Lieutenant. You got me my son back.”
Cop: “You and little Buster have the chance for some time together now. You deserve it.” (Crosses to door, opens it)
(pauses at door, turns back to woman) “You deserve it.”
I’ve learnt that in the criminal justice system, sexually based offences are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit.
These are their stories.
At some point in their career, all Lawyers have a case involving a chimpanzee.
If the police visit your home or place of work to question you about a crime, suspect or victim, it’s expected that you continue working on what you’re doing, without stopping to talk to the detective without distractions. It’s also the norm to to send the detectives away after a few questions because you’re too busy, or you have a previous appointment.
Also if the motives are pure they never get you into permanent trouble; you may get laid off for a while so that you can devote full time to the case, but you’ll be reinstated once it’s found out you were right and bribing the homeless woman to perjure herself or taking a hammer to the bad guy’s buddy’s fingers to make him give info is something you’ll all laugh about.
Related, the mutterings of homeless people always provide useful clues. The claims about Martian brain-stealers are actually about the Mauritanian drug-dealers the hero cop has been investigating.
But 100% of people who murder by the second-smile method are righties; the person unjustly accused is always a lefty, and of course there is no such thing as cross-dominance.
Court clerks and stenographers are the only people in the law enforcement system who can not research cases and arrest folk (give 'em time).
These shows get exported: this has led to people in Countries Abroad expecting to be mirandized and get a jury trial where no juries exist; in turn, this has led to law enforcement communities in those same Countries Abroad to ask local producers to make “local” series (which tend to get pretty good ratings, and of course have no problem finding consultants since the local lawyers, cops and judges are dying to help).
After you’re busted, you get exactly one phone call.
If a female crime novelist shows up in your town, make sure your will is up to date.
Regards,
Shodan
Every major city in America also has regular gun battles between paramilitary SWAT teams and extremely heavy armed bank robbers/drug gangs/mercenary groups/soldiers gone rogue. We’re talking dozens of people armed with the most modern (and scary looking) automatic weapons, rocket launchers, plenty of grenades and other explosives, and likely a few armed helicopters or armored cars for the getaway. LA and New York host these sorts of shootouts at least once a month, making Fallujah at its worst seem like a lovely place to take a vacation. You’d probably be safer wandering through any war-torn city in the world rather than going down town to make a deposit at the bank.