Stuff you want to report about George W Bush

It could be real, does not have to be. Keep it entertaining.

Birmingham, Alabama—Scientists at the Way South Research Institute have discovered 2 key genes. These are the Conscience Gene and the Religion Gene. President Bush immediately diverted NSF grant money earmarked for stem cell research to finish the work and to apply it to humans. The first to receive donor religion genes (the president offered his, but it was next to the dyslexia gene, and the scientists declined) will be federal death row inmates, whose sentence, if the gene takes hold, wil be upgraded to life in prison. Prisoners have the option of getting an execution Jan 1st instead.

Washington, D.C. – George Bush gets 3 hours of college credit for a class from Condi Rice on foreigh policy. For his field trip to Europe, after she grades his report in #2 pencil, he gets one more hour of credit. He may go for another political science degree. “I didn’t know it could be a science,” stated Bush. “It’s more like a religious conviction to me.”

St.Louis, MO – Bush appoints Secretary of Spelling, after his grade school visit here tuesday. The Secretary, retired state senator Ironfist McMurray of Texas will be on a 20 week tour each year of grade schools in the nation. In addition, he will accompany Bush on any trips where he might be asked to spell a vegetable, for example.

Washington, D.C. – Bush rejects metric system. After a visit to the Bureau of Standards, George W. Bush set a team to work deleting metric units from US products. A cost saving is also involved, as we will no longer need two sets of standards. Though they agree that the metric system has it is merits (it is used world wide), they declare that it is fundamentally flawed. Freedom loving Americans will still be allowed to buy metric yard sticks, but balances will only be in pounds and ounces, as grams seem to be used for weighing illegal drugs. Thus your box of cereal weighing 17 oz (1 lb 1 0z) will no longer have the 482g displayed on the box. For those Americans already used to the metric system, government subsidized converting calculators will be available for converting to traditional American units.

Alanis Morissette will perform in Anchorage, Alaska on July 31 to support the New Power Project, the new, star-studded pro-environmental organization formed to help counter President George W. Bush’s energy plan. The gig’s locale serves a political purpose–Anchorage is just a short plane ride from the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, a proposed oil-drilling spot by the Bush Administration.

So, does she plan to gain or take away support for Bush? I mean, come on, Alanis?

WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush pressed rebellious Republicans to abandon support for a Democratic-backed
patients’ rights bill on Wednesday as House GOP leaders, flinching from a confrontation, signaled a likely delay in a vote.

Impressive

He doesn’t have the gift for words that his father did.

Realwood, VA-- Bush addresses audience of his dreams. Boy scout national jamboree salutes pres inspite of boring speech. “Come on, I took the SATs,” remarked Tyler Howard III, counting the president’s errors for lack of better things to do.

He’s getting my vote again. Just for his stance on guns.