Ah, the “wombat” master has gone off and left his computer signed on to the Straight Dope. I, his faithful canine companion of 14 years, have an opportunity to steal his account for a few moments and gloat. I’ve taught the master such a marvelous trick, I just have to share it.
You see, several years ago, they brought another dog into the household. I’ll just call her “Dummy,” for the sake of anonymity and all that. Unfortunately, Dummy is younger, spryer, and stronger than me. She’s also dumber than a Jerry Springer guest. But, at times, she’ll take my bed during the night. I can’t get her to move, even though I’m the eldest and it is, by all rights, MY bed.
So I stand across the room and bark. Not the excited, “there’s a guest at the door” bark. Just a single piercing “woof.” Enough to wake the master. If it brings no result, I wait a moment or two (just long enough for him to get back to sleep) and do it again. Usually two or three repetitions is adequate.
Master stumbles out of his room, and Dummy leaps to her feet to run and greet him. I stride over and take my rightful place in bed, Master goes back to his room, and Dummy finds another place to sleep.
I’m a genius, I tell you. And Master is so easy to train…
Ugh. Dealing with dogs being weird in the middle of the night sucks. On one hand, you don’t want to ignore them because they might be trying to tell you something legitimate. On the other hand…STFU dog!
I don’t have any advice. My dog has me trained like a circus bear.
Hopefully he’s training Dummy at the same time he’s training you, and she’ll eventually get tired of stealing his bed. Or he’ll start going to bed earlier.
The problem is that the old dog who took control of my keyboard this morning (her name is Lindsay, by the way) is getting old. She’s half-blind, 3/4 deaf, and having some incontinence problems. If she really, legitimately, needs to go out and pee, I want to get up and let her out instead of dealing with a big puddle in the morning.
Unfortunately, I can’t tell what she needs and I end up either lying in bed awake as she barks, or getting up and playing dog bed butler.
My two were like that until I changed where the beds were in the room. Then they both picked the one they wanted in the new spot and were happy with the arrangement. I’m not saying that will work across the board; I know I just got lucky.
My dog likes to lay as closely to me as possible. She will lay at my feet and not move. I find myself stretching in difficult ways while programming so as not to disturb her. Then I realize that I should be the one in charge and I make her get out of my way. But usually by then I already have a stiff neck or shoulders…
