Ya know, all those politicians claim to be in favor of protecting the nuclear family, but do they do anything about funding for geiger counters or lead shielding or anything like that? Do they? Do they? And so those poor nuclear families are left to glow in the dark like a bunch of Keith Haring characters.
In a little-known secret clause of the peace treaty ending the war with North Viet Nam, the United States is obliged to place, at every intersection where people commonly walk, memorials to the small Vietnamese hamlet of Ped Xing, which was totally obliterated, along with all its inhabitants but one eight-year-old girl (who grew up to play the lead role in “Miss Saigon” in one of the road companies), by U.S. B-52s during the Vietnamese Police Action of a few decades ago.
Ya know, I really don’t care for them calling them Milk-Bones anymore. I mean, they really don’t taste like they have any milk in 'em at all!
Tripler
C’mon now!
You’d think that those Mormon folk would be only too happy to drink a nice cup of tea - eating all those babies must make them really thirsty.
The cops hauled me in and said they were going to book me for a salt and battery. I told them I had all the salt I needed in my pantry, but I could sure use some 12-volt dry cell batteries; those things are so hard to find. Not only did they not give me any salt or any batteries, they took away all my clothes and made me wear an icky orange jumpsuit.
Next time the police want to book me, I 'll tell them I’m busy that day.
I know the sun is a star, but I can’t tell which one; I look up at the sky at night time and they all look the same and they are so small; which one is the sun?
I’ll never understand why the “No pepper allowed” signs are in baseball parks.
I mean, the players aren’t gonna bring ANY kind of condiments on the field! Do you see any “No mustard allowed” or “No relish allowed” signs? You think they would have made it a strike issue, it’s so stupid! They treat them like dummies!
Originally posted by ThunderBunny
OK, so I’ve got this way-cool red sweater, and, like, you have to wash it once in a while, ya’know? But, like, when you look at the
washing instructions, it says to wash with, like, colors. How
helpful is that?! It never says, like, what kind of colors to wash
it with. That’s just bogus.
And what about when it says to wash on delicate? Wash on delicate what? On delicate china?
I saw a bumper sticker ahead of me that said “I’m following Jesus”…when I passed the car with the sticker there was a gas tanker truck in front. The driver was a man in his later years. I thought Jesus was in his early to mid-thirties when he left us.
I think Lucy Camden is a slut. She has already kissed several boys (two of which her parents didn’t even know about) and she hasn’t even graduated high school. That whole family has gone to hell in a handbasket. Simon brought a cigarette into the house. Mary drank a beer, but at least they punished her for it. She’s in Buffalo now with her grandparents. And Matt is about to convert to Hey Judism. I just don’t think that sort of family belongs on television.
Everywhere you go in England, you see signs that say “Bill Stickers will be Prosecuted.” Who is this Mr William Stickers, and what did he do that was so bad that he’s going to be prosecuted? And maybe they should include his photo, so people who see him can report it.
I’m sure glad they warned me that there were Men Working A Head so that I could avert my eyes at the necessary moment.
Yeah, what is up with laundering instructions? The tags in many of my sweaters say “Lay flat to dry.” How is that supposed to help? I’ve tried it, and all that happens is that I fall asleep. And when I wake up, my sweater is still wet! WTF?
Also, the labels on a lot of my household products say “Keep out of the reach of children.” All children? I have two kids, and if I were to stay out of their reach, all hell would break loose! I mean, the eight-year-old would probably be ok, but how would the six-week-old feed himself???
They should fix those moving walkways at the airport. When you ride one, there’s little painted signs telling you to walk into the glass when you “Walk Left”. And it further asks you to ignore those people that do when you “Stand Right”. I should be able to see where I’m moving, lest I get sucked under the grille at the end.
Tripler
Concourse? Please!!
Those signs that say “Thank You for Not Smoking” are incredible. How do they know I’m not smoking? I don’t see ant sensors or power sources on these signs. It’s just amazing.
On the other hand, someone needs to fix that sign at the bank that says “Thank You for Your Patience”.
Of course the coffe is hot! What? Do I look stupid to you?
And what’s with shampoo bottles? Being a good person 'cause Momma brought me up right, I tend to follow directions. The bottle tells me to lather, rinse, and repeat. So I again lather, rinse and repeat. Then, I lather, rinse and repeat. The bottle fails to tell me when to stop!!
Now I’m stuck nekkid in the shower, I’m cold because the hot water ran out 20 minutes ago, I’m shriveled like a prune, and I’m running out of shampoo.
I think it’s a Pantene conspiracy against consumers! This madness must end!!
Someone hand me a towel, please. Thank you in advance. 
I was watching CNN a few days ago and there were a group of baseball wives talking about the La Leche League. Well, I’d never heard of this sort of baseball league, so I went to the major league site, http://www.mlb.com, did a search:
Your search for “La Leche” returned 0 results from the entire site.
Well, I did the same search on the minor league site, http://www.minorleaguebaseball.com/.
Same results!
I’m just amazed that a vast group like wives of major league baseball players don’t even know what leagues are in their husband’s line of work
You would think they would keep abreast of what leagues are in baseball!
Gee whiz!!
I bought a tinned treacle pudding; the instructions said ‘stand in boiling water for twenty minutes’. Now my feet are in agony - what should I do?