If I own or manage the restaurant, I’ll let my paying customers smoke. Freeloaders? Find someplace else.
…the biggest plate of kalamari ever.
Mine is truly stupid and shouldn’t make me stabby but it does. It’s when people ask about something they should just DO. For example: we keep our project documentation in a project workspace in Sharepoint. A developer asked me if my requirements document was there. I politely told her it was, but what I was thinking was why in heck people don’t look for themselves, you know explore for 10 seconds to get the answer. If you don’t see what you’re looking for, then ask.
Web sites like the SDMB where, when you scroll down, the G-D’d screen jumps up and down for what seems to be 5 minutes before finally coming to rest so you can actually read something.
Maybe a slight exaggeration regarding the time, but not much.
Bonus points if they’re also camping in the fast lane.
You mean you don’t own a Be Dazzler?
People who chew gum in public, especially if they crack it. Drives me nuts.
People who walk around with a toothpick hanging out of the mouth.
People who insist on bottled water when visiting my house, but drink tap water at restaurants in the neighborhood (same water supply) because they’re too cheap to pay for bottled water.
People who zoom around me in traffic, then slam on the brake because they’re making a turn.
Telemarketers who start out by asking me how I am. I used to say “Very busy” but now I just hand up on them.
Yes, I get stabby a lot.
The word “Scrumptious”. It sounds like something a kindergarten teacher would say: “Kids! Eat your veggies. They’re scrumptious!”
The word bourgeois. It doesn’t make you sound like an intellectual, it makes you sound like a college kid who thinks it’s 68. And not 1968, 1868.
In line at a store. Almost all people stand 1-2 feet behind the customers in front of them.
The ones who shall feel my blade are the fucks who stand 6 or more feet behind the person in front of them. Die, motherfuckers! Die! Agggggggghhhhh!!!
Since I don’t yet have my weapons, I just walk up behind them, and breath very heavily upon their necks. If they turn around, I put on an innocuous face, and look off into the distance, as if I’m not doing it on purpose. Most of these assholes would rather have some big goof breathing upon their necks than move up the extra 4 feet.
My recent gripes (none are very big peeves, but that’s the point of the thread, no?)
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People selling stuff for 90%+ what they paid. Of course people can sell/buy for whatever they want, but it still annoys me when some item has caught my attention, and I’ve wasted time reading, only to find they want $280 for something that only costs $300 from a store (where you can choose the precise one you want, get a guarantee, it’s pristine etc).
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People at the gym doing their workaround right in front of the weights so you have to climb over them.
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Recent parents using their child’s photo as their profile photo.
I know they’re really proud, but a couple of times recently I’ve needed to, say, go to the Sales Dept and find Joe Bloggs. Oh great: his profile picture is of a female child.
I try not to let this bother me, but I’m not that strong…
I hate when people do *nothing *on FB but “share” other crap they’ve found on line. I’m not talking about infrequent sharing something that interests or amuses you - I’ve done that on occasion. Instead, I mean people who never seem to post an original thought or observation. I know, I know - we can do whatever we want on our FB pages. I suppose I’m just disappointed that I have such apparently unoriginal friends.
Yes, I’ve stopped following most of these folks. I don’t want to deal with the drama of unfriending them, especially since some have replied with actual comments to my status updates or general meandering postings. We’ve even had online conversations on rare occasions. At least by unfollowing, I’m free of some aggravation.
My own daughter does this. She will occasionally write her own words, but lately, it seems all she does is share silly little things she’s seen on other pages. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it still makes me stabby!
Here’s one that really does irritate me irrationally: people who ride their brakes the whole time. Every time you hit your brakes that sends a signal to whomever is behind you. And really, if you leave adequate stopping distance, there is no reason why you have to do that. If you just take your foot off the damn gas your car slows down all by itself. But no, every three seconds it’s FLASH, FLASH, FLASH, like some kind of nervous hamster.
I’ve been known to do that to (try to) tell tailgaters to get out of my trunk and back off to a safe distance.
I first saw that in the 80s, in the Bay Area. Sitting stopped on a freeway during rush hour, and here comes a motorcycle driving in the line.
My first thought was, that’s a neat way to help traffic clear out. My second thought was, In Texas, they’d get a face full of pickup truck door.
When I’m emperor, these people will be first against the wall. I use cruise control a lot and they stick out like a sore thumb.
This type of driver is the same guy who also seems to enjoy joining a highway herd. Their speed will be all over the place until they find someone to pace and then it’s game on! Let’s get our mindless herding on!
I have a friend who doesn’t get the “maintain constant speed” thing. Like 30 mph variations for no reason type of bad. I mentioned it to him once while passengering (because I’m a bit of a prick) and he was pissed. People hate it when you comment negatively on their driving.
Second type of people against the wall will be the pearls-clutching types that faint when they see a motorcycle lane splitting. 
A lot of these brake-riders are using their left feet on the brake pedal and covering the pedal as they drive along. Drives me crazy too.
Reason #185 I won’t buy a used car.
I’m not a demented moron; and sometimes when I’m making the noise of the day; I don’t even realize I’m doing it myself. I recognize that it can be annoying; and all it takes is a raised eyebrow or a politely spoken: “Enright3… ?” and I’ll apologize and stop the whistling, or drumming or whatever.
Who the hell asks everyone in earshot for permissions to whistle? That’s just silly, again makes the premise of whistling seem intentional. I’d say in most cases it’s done absentmindedly.
God fanboy movies. Like the release previews of “God’s NOT dead 2” they are currently advertising on one of the network TV channels.
Just fuck right off with that shit already! Like the first one was begging for a sequel. It’s the 21st century, FFS.
Someone I know on FB (I think from some game I was playing there), posted a meme type photo that said:
“Please don’t show up at my door talking about God. I don’t show up at your door, talking about wine and vibrators, do I?”
Loved it!
And these movies always make the poor, set-upon Christians as the victims.