Stupid lottery

Can’t I fucking win ANYthing?


If anything is zero, yes, yes you can win it.

Wow. I hope that didn’t screw up your plans or anything.


I thought TODAY would be my last NORMAL day… In the shower I was thinking how I would see that I had won, leave work with a dramatic goodbye, and start buying houses, cars, and iPods…

Talk about bad luck.

Step 1: Buy lottery ticket.
Step 2: Win lottery.
Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit!

Simply us Acculotto!!
They GUARANTEE you win at least $10,000!!!

With their incredible “numerological algorithms” and “3-Point Triangulation System” you can’t lose?

If you do?

They give you more numbers!!!

Please give more details. Did you just buy one ticket and declare yourself a hopeless loser because that one ticket didn’t win; or did you buy several of them? Have you bought several tickets in the past and have just had a long-running bad luck streak?

What kind of tickets are you buying? The multi-million dollar jackpot tickets (which are less likely to be a winner) or scratch-off tickets?

What do you count as a “win?” Do only the biggies count, or would you consider getting your dollar back to be a win?

Sounds like the killing spree at work was delayed by at least a day.

Come on Qazzz, show some initiative.

You have to claim you had the winning ticket, but lost it. That way you can sue whoever claims to be the winner.

Guaranteed to work.

Trust me

Well, I dunno about that. You seem to have won not only the scorn, but the derision as well, of your fellow SDMB members. Of course, you’ve won those on merit and not simply dumb luck.

Oh, you don’t want to win the Stupid Lottery. No way. This guy I know won the Ugly Lottery, and boy can you tell.

Anyhow, the Stupid Lottery isn’t much of a lottery at all. I’ve run into at least 3 past and present winners just today!

Of course the lottery is stupid. It is, after all, a Tax on Stupid People.

Remember, Qazzz, you are certain to win the lottery if you just keep playing. I mean you really have to play a lot. If you don’t win, it’s because you’re not playing enough; play more. A long losing streak just means you’re due.

If you win a little bit, like five dollars, that’s not a Real Win; that’s just the Great Lotto God giving you incentive to play even more. Keep playing.

And don’t ever, even for a second, contemplate putting five bucks a day into a savings account or anything stupid like that. Five bucks a day is only $1,825 a year; who wants to mess around with chicken feed like that when you’re due to win millions in the lottery?

Play more.

Note: The above is a joke. Just in case it was too subtle for people who play the lottery.

What are the odds of winning the typical lottery? One in seven million, or something like that?

So buy seven million tickets. Easy.

I get half your winnings as my share of providing you this foolproof idea.

Though really, what are the odds of winning if you did that? If the jackpot were $150000000 as it occasionally is, why not buy $50000000 worth of tickets (assuming you have a cool fifty-mil lying around)?

Well, if you played every combination (72 million, IIRC), you’d win. Have fun filling out all of the bet slips.

In defense of the people that play the lottery (like me), $1 isn’t hurting me a bunch, and a bit of that dollar goes towards education. Plus, if I’m lucky, I’ll be rich. I may start playing the Daily 4, because 1:10,000 doesn’t seem like bad odds to me, and that’s $5600 (of which I would keep about $2300 after taxes). Again, it’s like paying my future salary (I’m about to become a teacher), but $2300 would pay off a credit card now.

Remember, there are no STUPID LOTTERIES only stupied lottery players.

That’s been done actually. And yes they won, less then they spent though IIRC.

If you are playing the California lottery you have to play more to beat the odds. Don’t feel to bad you have lots of company.

I’m well disposed to lotteries because the Ontario Lottery Corporation funded the rugby team I played for as a kid. I know a big chunk of the money collected (in Canada at least) goes to charities.

The odds of winning depend on the rules of the game. IIRC, they are typically something like 6 out of 49 (hence the incredibly originally named Canadian lottery, “6/49”) with odds of 1 in 13,983,816. BTW, Canadian lottery prizes are awarded in a single payment, tax free. A $10 million prize is a $10 million cheque. Just in case those of you who do play lotteries want to contribute in Canada…