Stupid movie warnings

“Contains Adam Sandler”. That’s something I’d like to see.

Anyway, the New York Times has individual phrases explaining the rating at the end of every review. Here’s the one for Mean Creek today: ‘“Mean Creek” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian). Its under-age characters smoke marijuana and use profanity.’"

These are written by the paper, not any US gummint agency, and most of them are as straightforward as that, but sometimes Elvis or A.O. will get creative, and put in phrases like “Explicit and improbable sexual scene” or “Characters have Seventies hair and wear an upsetting amount of polyester” or “History is graphically mutilated in this film”., etc.

My favorite was the Winona Ryder Little Women a few years back. It was rated PG or something and the reviewer said something like, “This movie features a great deal of nudity, prostitution, gory violence, orgies–just kidding! Rated PG for character death, scary blizzard scenes.”

“Yes, you are. You’ll be a flaming queen in a moment.”