Huge waste of time, those are, just like the stuff in the OP. I’d bet nobody knows what all the letters mean. I mean “L” and “V” are obvious, but some of them are not.
Colophon
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this OP - I thought I was the only one that got annoyed by these things. Every trailer I see, I turn to my oblivious gf and moan about the warnings. ‘Contains mild reference to alien genitalia’ and ‘contains scenes of animated terror’. Actually, that second one might actually be real!
That said, bring back the days of the red triangle that told you if a film was worth watching!
That would be the bit where the Giants are all playing drums walking about in a big arena with sand and hay on the floor.
Warning: Contains Melanie Griffith
:d
Fucking typical!
I meant 
They actually warn about peril!?!? Astonishing. What’s next on the list, suspense?
Not suspense but slime. Here’s the US MPAA rating for Alien vs Predator:
Rated PG-13 for violence, language, horror images, slime and gore
I think it was Britney’s beautiful film which brought us “Warning: Contains UNDERAGE DRINKING” or something. I have seen it appear more and more after that film. Oh well.
“We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril.”
“I don’t think I was…”
“Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.”
“Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.”
“No, it’s too perilous.”
“Look, it’s my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can.”
“No, we’ve got to find the Holy Grail, come on.”
“Well, let me have just a little bit of peril?”
“No, it’s unhealthy.”
Me too. I love sea pictures.
By the way, it’s spelled “bouys.”
I haven’t seen the movie, but based on the previews I think they’re referring to Sirius Black.
Based on that, I can’t wait for the CAP analysis of the fourth movie (assuming the new director gets it right…)
“I bet you’re gay.”
Sorry, this is a no smoking BBQ pit.
Congratulations on whooshing the vast majority of non-UK dopers. Well done.
This is a bit tangential, but with regard to content warnings generally, ABC TV in Australia use the following:
“Aboriginals and Torres Strait Island viewers are warned that the following programme may contain certain images and voices of deceased persons.”
It was broadcast, for example, a few months ago before a documentary about the Aboriginal singer Jimmy Little.
One can only assume that there is something culturally dodgy about dead people. But if I were an Aboriginal, I’d be worried about that word “may”: does it contain such images or voices or doesn’t it?
“No I’m not.”
WARNING: Movie contains speculation about sexual orientations.
I also love to see pictures.
Buy the weigh, it’s spelled “buoys”.
Thanks for reminding me about CAP Alert. I hadn’t seen it in a long time, although I have used it in the past to decide whether certain movies were dirty enough to be worth seeing. I just looked at it for the first time in a couple of years and noticed that they have the ugliest animated GIF to be found on the entire World Wide Web. If there were a CAP Alert for websites, it would mention that animation as an Abomination Before God.
Ah, CAP Alert. I love having fun with this site. My favorite is Natural Born Killers.
Oh sure, it goes on for about three pages, but what cracks me up is the ridiculously innocent stuff they add. It makes for an interesting read - you’ve got stuff like:
a tongue bit off by one being sexually assaulted
bloody decapitated man standing up
…mixed in with stuff like:
teen underwear and adult underwear
theft
Oh, those crazy God-people.
That’s actually what I thought this rant was about. As in “why don’t they warn you when it will be really, really stupid???”
Example/ “Setting foot in the theatre whil Dude Where’s My Car is on the screen may result in permanent brain damage reducing your IQ by 12 points.”