Just to revisit some things from earlier in the thread - here is an article on DOJ’s investigation into the Baltimore Police Department. Officers would ask women “why are you messing that guy’s life up” Only 15% of rape kits got tested between 2010 and 2014. 15 percent! BPD classified 30% of rape accusations as “unfounded” - 5 times the national average. is it any wonder that sometimes, victims don’t want to go to the police?
Frankly **Dangerosa **you strike me as a hell of a lot stronger than I am… but yeah.
Always my mantra, ‘‘It’s not my fault, but it is my responsibility.’’ I think that’s what survivors understand that most people don’t – sometimes colossally unfair shit happens in your life and you either buckle under or you carry on. That is a reality rape and sexual assault victims have been living with for centuries. Things can wreck you, for a time, but where you go from there is up to you.
I’m far from fucking perfect, and I had some major disruptions in my education and career throughout the years from PTSD and depression. But I make the choice to keep fighting even in the face of insane levels of injustice. I can’t always do right. Sometimes I get stuck, overwhelmed, overemotional, and it fucks with my life. Honestly, this thread is fucking with my head big time-today, and I know it’s just trauma bullshit because I keep bouncing back and forth from this thread to thoughts about my mother, or even other relatives I haven’t thought of in years. But I made a commitment to myself no matter how fucked things seemed, I would keep caring about other people, I would keep working on it, I would keep striving to make healthier choices than my parents did. That has been my personal way out.
Even when my integrity was in question I made the choice to still live a life of integrity. And the cumulative effect of that commitment has come out in my favor. I have a healthy marriage with a man I’ve been with for 14 years, I have a job I love and am passionate about, and I have seriously mind-bustingly amazing friends. I also have a life relatively free of drama. I built that. Nobody gave me that, nobody taught me how to do that, I made it myself.
It kills me that not everybody finds their way out. It kills me the way Slacker’s friend ended and I don’t even know the guy. But there were a series of choices there that led to that end.
I had a stable homelife growing up and didn’t face my abuse until my 20s. When I did, I was more or less believed - and HR forced me into counseling - which as my therapist pointed out - was more about their liability and guilt than my health, but I got to address my issues. Including one therapist (I’ve had many) who explained that survivor or victim was my choice. I couldn’t choose whether to be one or the other - that had been made for me - but I got to choose which one.
And I’m a person of relative privilege. I grew up middle class - and at any time could have moved back in with my parents. I had a college degree, was intelligent, and had marketable skills.
And as for stronger - I spent part of last December in the rubber room at the hospital :).
I’m sorry to hear that. And I’ve been there. Not since I was 19, but it stuck with me, and frankly there were times I should have returned to the hospital but didn’t. I made a promise to myself I would never go back, but maybe that was a stupid promise.
You keep using that word, reputation. And I don’t think you know what it means.
In reality, your reputation is the sum total of what things are saying about you, both good and bad You seem to be arguing that there should be some kind of filter, that everybodys reputation should only consist of the good things said about them, and that no-one should ever pass on a warning about bad behavior.
There is a man I went to school with. As a teen, he would smack around the girls, as an adult, he had a relationship with a woman, and she ended up in hospital with serious battery injuries. Afterwards, he had a few short term relationship with women who reported that he was violent.
Today, he lives in the same area where we grew up, with little opportunity to get out due to alcohl abuse. He has had no relationship with women for decades, because everyone in the small town knows his reputation.
Thats how reputation works. The women has passed the warning on And they believe their friends and relatives, whom they have known for many years, as credible sources.
I’d say whether the accused actually did what he is accused of is pretty relevant Especially to the victim.
You don’t really seem to understand how human communication works, or why.
Really? So you’d let your preteen son work with the priest who was moved to your parish after a long string of allegations of child abuse? You wouldn’t say anything about a student of your working with another student who has been accused of rape?
Soldiers under your command? Employees? You believe your refusal to incorporate information you cannot substantiate trumps your responsibility to people in your care?
You should realize that Steophan has a drastically different understanding of what does and does not constitute “reasonable doubt” than most people.
He has repeatedly stated that Michael Dunn, the man who murdered Jordan Davis for playing loud music in his car was wrongly convicted and that he killed a “thug.”
Or you could loosely interpret it as a family member supporting a family member only because they are a family member (see Scott Peterson’s mom). If not nepotism, fuck whatever the word is for that.
Well, yeah, I think it goes without saying Dad is a dickhead. I can understand parents unconditionally loving their children, but making excuses for abhorrent behavior is not acceptable.
That’s just supporting your family. I don’t think that his dad is a dick for supporting his son. He’s a dick for how he has gone about it. I would be dine with him backing his son all the way if he had not said those offensive and stupid things.
Updating this thread the judge has finally spoken out. Persky’s words are contained in a 198-word statement he filed in response to the notice of intention to recall him, which his critics turned in to the registrar Monday. The recall campaign had submitted a scathing 198-word statement branding the judge as an apologist for rapists and batterers.
I have to “consider” any incoming messages concerning my personal finances, but that doesn’t mean that I should respond to Nigerian e-mail scams or that I should not be criticized if for some reason I fall for one of them.
Not a great excuse. We’re talking about rape here, not some misdemeanor. I’ve seen people’s lives ruined over a baggie of weed; you mean to tell me the correct time for leniency is when a rich white dudebro rapes someone?