Stupid sharp knife.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

There are certain things you can count on in this life. The sun will come up in the east; bread falls butter-side down; and my knives are dull. Everyone that uses my knives complains about them. I tried sharpening them, and they became marginally less dull, but not anything that anyone would call “sharp.”

So I bought new knives. Them’s sharp knives! So tonight, with my sharp new knives, I decided to cut up an apple. And I was gonna do it mom-style. My mom could hold the apple in one hand and with a couple deft moves of her wrist, slice the apple, taking out the core. So I held the apple, deftly flicked the knife through the apple flesh to take out the core, and deftly sliced a chunk out of my thumb. Now I have a big band-aid on my thumb and everytime I think it’s done bleeding, it starts up again.

Stupid sharp knife.

2

Litigation lawyers bleed?

3

Sharp knives cut things very easily, especially those things that touch the blade. So the knife is stupid, because you used it stupidly? :rolleyes:

Get some stitches (seriously, and maybe a shot), and keep that knife away from any really vital body parts.

Perhaps you offended the Knife Gods, the Apple Gods, the Mom Gods. Perhaps the blood sacrifice was sufficient expiation for your offense.

4

Yes, roger: when you cut us, do we not bleed?

And cerberus, thank you for understanding that it is the knife’s fault. If the knife were smarter, it would correct for my technique. I am glad that you got that, because I don’t think everyone would have.

As for offending anyone, as roger points out, I’m a lawyer. What could I have possibly done to offend anyone? I mean, sure, I hung up on mom today when the boss called – :eek:

Oh, dear. I think we’ve found the problem.

5

Don’t feel too badly about it.

I once angered the Coca Cola Gods and Knife Gods by using a steak nknife to open a recalcitrant 2Liter bottle of Coke. Opened my index finger instead. Five stitches, lot’s’O’Blood. Got to visually inspect the sub-cutaneous layers of my index finger. The blood offering was sufficient to placate the Coca Cola and Knife Gods.

You see, it isn’t the knife’s fault. The knife is avenging the piqued gods, in your case the Knife, Apple and Mom Gods. But all is well, you placated them with your blood offering.

Now, get those stitches.

6

stitches. :rolleyes:

have mommy kiss it while you’re at it.

This is kind of an old saw, but I’ve found it to be true: dull knives are more dangerous.

They’re apt to slide when they’re supposed to slice, but they’re still sharp enough to cut YOU.

You just gotta work on your coring technique. And for the love of pete, don’t go get stitches.

7

You’d think that a safer option would be one of those round apple-slicers, the ones that you position over the top of the apple and push down, cutting the apple into neat little slices.

Unless it doesn’t cut all the way through the skin on the bottom, so you turn the whole thing upside down and use your *thumbs *to push the rest of the apple through from the bottom.