So it’s 1869. There’s this former Confederate general who’s still pissed about how the Civil War turned out, so he kidnaps a bunch of scientists and has them build a gigantic mechanical spider that shoots fireballs. To counter this threat, President Grant sends two federal agents to fight back with exploding pool balls. The general guy tries to kill them by having assassins hide in paintings at a party in New Orleans. Then they meet this half-naked woman who’s running around doing nothing in particular. Their train gets blown up, but fortunately they’re able to invent a flying bicycle. And let me assure you that these are the least ridiculous parts of the movie.
Tomb Raider - Evil man needs two pieces of ancient clock to control time. Lara Croft has one piece. Does she destroy it so he will never be able to use it? No! She gives it to him in the hopes of seeing her dead dad again!
Also if someone could tell me what was happpening in the final fight scenes? It was so badly edited and put together it seemed like a bad hallucination.
Speaking of Pat, a how about Superstar. Good lord! Or even Night at the Roxburry. I have no idea what the hell these “films” were actually supposed to be about. I believe they were merely intended to annoy.
And add There’s Something About Mary in there too. What was that? There’s a hot ditzy blonde that people like. That’s the whole damn plot. By Hecate!
Ah, yes. The movie where the ending was completely given away in all the ads. I want to throw in for the Arnold movies. Which one? Does it matter?:rolleyes:
Xtro a plot so vague, I still can’t tell you why anything happens.
One Fine Day Almost every plot twist involving Michelle Pfeiffer’s character happens because her kid won’t listen to her when she tells him to do anything. Then when trouble happens, he’s sorry and makes the “little kid sad face” and she lets him off the hook.
I think I got you beat, but it took another Whoopie Goldberg movie to do it.
Theodore Rex It’s a riveting buddy cop story where two mismatched heroes must save humanity from an evil mad scientist. One of the cops is Whoopie. Doesn’t sound exceptopnally bad so far, but…
Her partner is a “wisecracking” (read - fart jokes) T-Rex the size of Barney. It is never explained why there are a bunch of anthropomophized dinosaurs walking around the city - there just are, and the plot holes are large enough to sail an oil tanker through. However, you don’t care about lapses in internal logic because you are too busy looking for a power drill so you can pour Clorox into your cranium and hopefully scrub this awful piece of celluloid from your memory.
See Harvey Keitel. See him yell at his kids. See Harvey do cocaine, and drink, and gamble, and try to steal evidence from a crime scene. See Harvey’s penis. See Harvey smoke heroin. See the nun get raped. See Harvey masturbate in front of a little girl.
Why? Because he’s a Bad Lieutenant. That’s all you need to know.
Milk Money. A bunch of kids pool their milk money together to hire a hooker to be a wife for one of the kid’s dad. Yes, it has a happy ending, yes it has a “killer pimp” who shows up, and yes it has lots, and lots, of optical effects to try and make Melanie Griffith look younger than she really is. Its one of my sister-in-laws favorite movies. That and that stupid Julia Roberts movie where she plays a hooker who gets Richard Gere to fall in love with her. (I’m noticing a trend here, how 'bout you?)
I saw a glimpse of Theodore Rex (I won’t dignify it by giving it bold or italic treatment). That abortion gets my vote for worst idea and execution of all time. If I recall correctly, it was set in the future, thus making the dinosaur angle even more dumb.
Ummm, someone mentioned Stop or my Mom will Shoot. Doesn’t anybody read these threads before they say anything like that?
I’ll second the vote for Face/Off just because I’m STILL hearing people say how good that movie was (I walked out of the theatre on it.)
OK – how about Rhinestone Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone compete to see who has the bigger chest.
Whoops.
Dolly Parton makes a bet that she can turn Taxi Driver Stallone into a C&W star. Pygmalion meets the Grand Ol’ Opry.
I like the first idea better. It’s more plausible.