I’ll take a stab in Homer’s absence…
Kansas City is home to more fantastic barbecue places than you can shake a stick at, most of which are no-frills hole-in-the-wall type places. KC Masterpiece is not one of them. It’s a sanitized chain that serves at best ho-hum stuff. For a KC’er to recommend them as a place to go for barbecue would be akin to a resident of Tucson or El Paso suggesting that Taco Bell is a great place to get Mexican food. A review that I found sniffs:
Heh, mine comes from Chapters too. A couple was in front of me, and the boyfriend apparently had a brillant idea. “Hey”, he said, “these books are really expensive! Why doesn’t someone build a place where you can just RENT books instead?”
sigh
Abso-posi-lutely correct. KC Masterpiece is the McDonald’s/Britney Spears/Eden’s Crush of the KC BBQ scene. Corporate whitewashed KRRRLAP! (the L is for a scottish accent)
For MY money, if you want good KC BBQ, you go to Zaps, Winslows, Rosedale, Jakes, Oklahoma Joes… I could go on. For BAD barbecue, you go to Arthur Bryant’s, Gates, or KC Masterpiece.
Here’s a rule of thumb: The busier the place is, the less likely it is to be good. There’s a bell curve of BBQ popularity. If the place is a run down hole in the wall that looks like a pit, it’s food is almost guaranteed to spin your head. If it’s clean, sanitized, and the employees say “Howmayelpyou?”, it’s gonna SUCK.
–Tim
Oh, and stay away from Wornall II unless you like barely-warmed pieces of thin-sliced fat with a teensy bit of meat interlaced, and a sauce that’s more brown sugar and vinegar than pepper and smoke.
–Tim
I had the whole book converstaion with a coworker of mine. He couldn’t see why you would spend a couple of weeks reading a book when you could see the movie in an hour and a half. Um, maybe if you read sometimes, it wouldn’t take a couple of freaking weeks to read a 400 page book.
But thats not the dumbest thing I have heard at work. A couple of months ago, I went outside to smoke with a different coworker. We’re standing there, talking to one of the maintainence guys, watching a deer walk around the parking lot. The guy starts telling us how he would love to run up to the deer and tackle it. We try to explain that, first, he’ll never catch the damn thing, and second, if by some miricle he did, the deer would beat the crap out of him the instant he touched it. This guy just did not get it. He insisted that deers were all gentle, and peaceful animals that couldn’t hurt a fly. Freaking idiot.
While waiting for a ride outside a movie theatre, I heard one kid who was upset about basically all the movies being sold out said “Why do they even bother to show them if their gonna be sold out?”
So we’re looking to rent a movie in Blockbuster’s, and we overhear a girl asking her boyfriend, “This movie is a widescreen version; can we watch it even though we don’t have a widescreen television?”
We didn’t hear the boyfriend’s reply because we had to run out of the store to burst out laughing. (Swear to God, she actually was blonde.)
I see. Thank you.
This first thing happened when I was working in a a bakery, we had this deal where kids under 12 could get a free cookie; ok, so late one night, about 11:00pm or so, a guy walks in with his 3 young kids they want a cookie,he says yes, so I show them the selection we had, kids make a grab for the plain sugar cookies first;
Dad says: No way!! it’s too late for you to have all that sugar, you’ll never get to sleep.
Kids shrug and make a second choice, their choice? a choc.chunk with m&m candy pieces cookie.
Dad says: Oh, ok, thats much better, at least it’s not full of sugar. :rolleyes:
I just stared at the guy dumbfounded.
Second thing actually happened to me and mainly it was just a matter of misunderstanding.
I was buying a lot of items at a bookstore one day,went to the counter which was about waist high set my stack of items on it, and the lady at the register looks down at the stuff, widens her eyes a bit and says: "My, thats quite a **booty** you have there".
It took me me about 5 to 10 seconds before I realized she was referring to the books on the countertop *not* me personally:o** A little explanation is needed **
I work in the fraud department of a major credit card issuer. To help us catch people who are a) using someone else’s information to apply for a credit card or b) trying to take over someone else’s account by pretending to be that person,we have two databases we use to verify information. We can verify a person to their social security number, home address, home telephone number,etc.
Depending on what state they live in, we can even verify their gender and who lives in their household-gotta love the Census. 
A co-worker asks me…
“How do I tell if the caller is a man or a woman?”
She meant to say “how do I verify gender?”
It took all my willpower not to respond " Ask them out for drinks and see what they say".
The local cinema has a mystery-movie-night twice a year showing three upcoming movies (the mystery being which movies you’re going to see)
This year I overheard this little gem during a break after the second movie, the previous two being comedy’s
Guy #1: Damn, i was hoping for some action
Guy #2: yeah!
Guy #1: i wanna see blood
Guy #2: yeah!
Guy #1: some killing or maiming
Guy #2: beheading
Guy #1: I mean they don’t have to shoot everyone in sight, but just stab 'em a bit, in the legs or something!
Guy #2: yeah! in the legs!
:eek:
Don’t mind me, i’ll just move further from the killing zone
When I first heard the sentence uttered, I thought that the speaker was being facetious. “There is no way,” I thought, “that anyone could say anything like that in any manner but jest.” I slowly realized that she was being earnest, like a small child making a discovery of the obvious for the first time.
What did she say? Well, I was on a cruise of Alaska’s inner passage. We were viewing a glacier, and I overheard this woman say
“Wow, it kind of looks like a big block of ice.”
I make no claim to be the smartest man alive, but she would have done better to shout into a bullhorn, “I’m a big dumb queef-for-brains.”
I have heard second hand of another question prompted by viewing Alaskan glaciers from the deck of a cruise ship;
“wow, those are high glaciers… What is our elevation here?”
Uhh… approximately sea level.
The only one I can think of is after a high school rugby game (proud to say my cousin and I were the two best props in the state…of course there were only two teams but that is beside the point 
We were walking away from our first ever game as he is peeling a leftover orange. As he is tossing the peels on the ground his little brother pipes up and says, “Hey you shouldn’t toss that on the ground, that’s littering (he was about 12 at the time)” To which my cousin replies, “It’s okay, it is combustible” We all turn and laugh, he can’t figure out what is funny. Methinks he hit his head a bit too hard in that game.
Hee, these are funny. One of the best comments I remember someone saying to me is from my ex-best friend about 2 years ago.
We were staying up late, and she was tired. I suggested she go to sleep to which she replied,
“…but if I go to sleep I won’t be awake!”
Well duhhh. She’s truly a natural blonde.
“What’s the difference between regular V-8 Juice and Spicy V-8 Juice?”
At my last job my office was next door to Debra, the Office Manager. Debra had just finished interviewing a candidate for a Receptionist job. The interview was over and Debra was walking the candidate to the front desk.
Debra: …we’re the same age. He’s my twin brother.
Candidate: Neat! Are you identical twins?
I just burst out laughing. I’m sure the poor candidate heard me too. Debra later told me that she has been asked that a suprising number of times. [sub]No, Debra did not in the least look like a man.[/sub]
Haj
One time I was leaving a movie and this pubescent girl that I never would have even noticed suddenly screeched to her friends, in her best Moon Zappa voice that could be heard a block away, "I AM SO SURE!!! I DO NOT STUFF MY BRA!!!"
Scene: the library of a state university, circa 1982.
College student (to my wife, a reference librarian): “Are you a history buff?”
Librarian: “What’s your question?”
College student: “Can you tell me which war was going on in 1943?”
This student was a journalism major.
I overheard this question (to a male coworker with a female twin) and burst out laughing myself, only to be told indignantly by said coworker that they indeed are identical twins. Because, you see, they look a lot alike. I tried explaining the one egg/two eggs thing, but he wasn’t having any of it.