Stupidity takes its pound of flesh

The BBQ Pit
1

I’m really ready to sell this farm. It’s listed now. I’m cleaning up, and I dragged a couple of big limbs off into the woods with the tractor.

The damn tractor got bogged down and I had to pull it out with the truck. I attached the chain to the plowmount on the truck and bent the hell out of it.

Yesterday I try to fix it.

First I try brute force.
I drive into a tree at about ten MPH to try to bend the sucker back, but the angles are all wrong.

So, I chain the truck to a tree. I put a four by four against the plowmount at the proper angle, and wedge a jack between the four by four and the tree. I start torquing down on the jack.

The truck pushes back against the chain, and the mount starts to straighten out.

There are some serious forces at work here, and I’m careful to makes sure the four by four, the jack, and the tree are aligned properly.

That wasn’t the problem.

CRACK!!!

The four by four snapped. Perhaps it would be more appropriate to say it exploded under the compression.

A large piece hits me high on the left shoulder, knocking me down.

I get up a few moments later, realizing thankfully that nothing’s broken.

Then I noticed I’d been lying in a puddle.

The puddle wan’t there when I fell.

There’s a big gash on the back of my left arm.

My wife’s playing tennis. My mom’s babysitting my daughter at her house. I’m by myself.

As I stand there, I feel the blood soaking my pants and running down my legs.

I feel slightly nauseaus and stunned, like somebody just told me some real bad news.

I peel my shirt off, and kind of push it against the gash.

I get in the truck, and then remember I have chained it to the tree. After I unchain it I’m on the way to the hospital. It’s very hot, and I know the sweat is making things look worse than they are, but it feels like I’m sitting in sopping wet clothes.

I get to the emergency room, and seeing as I’m pretty much a bloody mess, they take me right away.

To make a long story short, I got nineteen stitches along the back of my arm, and my back.

I also got the mother of all splinters. A piece as long as your pinky and almost as thick, that must have broken off when the four by four hit me. It was sticking out of my shoulder, like a branch.

I won’t be able to work out for a while, but I should still be able to run.

2

Good goddamn, dude. Farmwork ain’t pretty…

My condolences on screwing your shoulder up like that. Sounds like you had a handle on what needed to be done and just got caught as a victim of circumstance. I’m glad to hear about it from you, as opposed to a post from Mrs. S a few days down the road.

Speedy recovery, and best of luck selling the place.

3

I’m disappointed. I was hoping to hear a saga much like that from Rambo III - you know, the splinter is so large that it can’t be pulled it, but has to be pushed through, and to seal the wound he takes gunpowder from his grenade, sprinkles it on the gaping hole, and ignites it? Even after that, he was still able to kill a bunch of Russians.

Still, I’ll be happy because you’re okay, grateful because it didn’t happen to me, and hungry because I’ve missed breakfast and lunch.

4

Oh my God! Scylla, I’m glad you’re ok!!

5

Looks like the God Of Stupid Guy Tricks was smiling on you, Scylla. You’re lucky you weren’t hit in the forehead. Best of luck in your recovery.

6

Gosh, that last post sounds a bit judgemental. That’s not what I meant at all. Sorry, I was just trying to make a silly, flippant comment. :o

Really, I’m glad you’re ok.

7

Glad to hear that you’re OK, Scylla.

I remember reading about your adventures with the snowplow blade in one of the issues of Teemings.
Maybe farm life isn’t the best idea for you. How’s about a nice golf-course condo down south, or something? The closest you’ll come to groundskeeping is when you fling the ice cubes from your margarita off of the balcony and onto the green.:smiley:

8

I hear macrame is pretty challenging.

9

You fellas always figger out the quickest ways to lose weight!

10

Just thank G-d or Gaia that you weren’t hit in the little Scylla.

And here’s to a speedy recovery. Glad you’re okay.

11

Well, from the various injuries and ‘farm faux pas’ that I recall you doing (wasn’t there one where your wife had to rescue you, but she was laughing too hard?? something large and heavy falling??) maybe it’s a really good thing that you’re moving, eh? Someplace much safer, like, oh, say the projects in Chi-town?

and besides, macrame can be dangerous, too (if done correctly :smiley: )

seriously, next time you think to yourself - stop. Ok???

(no, really, start bein’ careful with all large, heavy objects, sharp things etc, OK?)

12

Wring:
This is probably only my fourth or fifth major disaster in eight years, so I think I’m doing pretty well.

13

Have you inspected all the parts involved to make sure they weren’t tampered with? Do I sense the hand of Fenris?

14

[sub](aside to Scylla - dude. 4 or 5 major incidents in 8 years sounds like one at least every 2 years. Cats have 9 lives. You aren’t a cat. From the frying pan into the fire. and any other homey platitudes you may find useful here - that’s still a lot of major accidents. ya know? try and be a bit safer – Mrs. Scylla& Scyllette need ya.) [/sub]

(shivers in disgust at using the term ‘dude’, but hopes it worked, nonetheless, even if he is a conservative Republican :smiley: )

15

Ouch! :frowning:

Glad to hear you’re OK.

Robin

16

Scylla:

Glad you’re OK (well, relatively OK), but you’ve got to hire some guy to follow you around with a video camera. To heck with farming, you could be making big money on the “…Funniest Home Video” market.

Besides, you’d have someone to drive you to the hospital.

(by the way-wonderfully discribed–I could just see it coming.)

17

scylla I am sorry that you werer injusred and happy that teh injury was relatively minor. I wish you a speedy recovery and a long and happy life.

But please read the quoted sentence again. And again. And again. Perhaps have [n]mrs scylla** and the scyllette read it with you.

18

Listen Dudette:

These things happen from time to time. Most of the farmers I know are all missing body parts, and typically have to get stitched up a couple of times a year.

Working class people and farmers deal with this stuff everyday, and get beat up by it far worse than I do.

A rural lifestyle is occasionally hazardous, but so is an urban one for different reasons.

Anyway, we’ll be moving and scaling back on heavy machinery when we do so.

19

Yup, this ranks right up there with The Stupidest Thing (You) Ever Did.

When are you gonna learn, man? :wink:

Glad you’re ok!!

Jeg elsker dig, Thomas

20

Scylla,

   I think working alone on the farm might be one of those situations where carrying a cell phone is a damn good idea.

  Anyway, I'm glad you're still selling the farm instead of buying one.