Substance Abuse...In Chess??

Heard a factoid on CNN just in the last hour. The powers behind international competitive chess are pushing for their sport(?) to be included in the Olympic Games. They even offered their members for competitive drug testing like other Olympic participants.

WTF?? What’re we looking for in the chemically-enhanced Olympic chess player. Overdeveloped heads? Gotta watch those East German girls with the larger than normal frontal lobes. I guess we don’t really need the Swiss timing on this event either.

But chess isn’t the least bit athletic. Any game that can be played with only spoken commands isn’t a sport in my books. Weird…

Olympic chess? Sheesh. Still, I’d rather watch that than ballroom dancing.

I could see a chess player abusing caffeine and other stimulants to stay awake while his opponent takes approximately six years to decide on his move…

Yeah, gotta make sure they’re not taking Sudafed for their sniffles…:rolleyes:

Next time I play chess with Mr. Tamex and he beats me (as usual), I’ll accuse him of playing under the influence of Sudafed. Or maybe even steroids. :eek:

Olympic chess!?
Zeus wept.
Not all games are sports, fer cryinouloud. What next? Olympic Bridge? Check for what…crustless sandwiches and mixed nuts?
Not all games are sports–and most of 'em have their own tournaments anyway. Poker tournaments with killer players are ruthless as hell, but not remotely atheletic. Checking booze and nicotine levels wouldn’t be advisable either.

Who frankly sucks at chess but respects the game too much to welcome it being prostituted this way

Bridge is under consideration for inclusion in the 2008 Olympic Games.

Which leaves darts, shove ha’penny and bar billiards still without an Olympic platform.

Here’s the answer: TAG-TEAM CHESS!

I prefer Relay Chess. You move, then run 400 metres over hurdles carrying the board (baton attached to board via hole underneath) before handing the ensemble to your opponent’s team.

The Powers Behind International Chest are probably referring to the abuse of creatine monohydrate and ephedra by various top-ranked ChestMasters. That stuff can be dangerous.


I seen some Olympic quality chests :slight_smile:

It’s official: The world is mad–barking, yowling, parrot-raping, howling-at-the-moon, glossalalia-spewing BATSHIT.

Olympic Tatting. Macrame. Grilling.

It’s damned pathetic when you can’t summon up something too patently ludicrous that it hasn’t been considered in deathly seriousness.

And the world wonders why there aren’t stinging satirists anymore.

In a fetal curl,

I don’t think that they’re considering olympic jenga. Yet.

Band name!

To quote a famous song:

I’d let you watch
I would invite you
but the queens we use
would not excite you!

As a former Magic: the Gathering Pro Tour player I can say that mental sports are no less tiring or worthy than physical sports. But (and here is that big ole but) the Olympics is about physical feats and not mental ones.

Getcha Chess, Bridge and Darts outa my Olymipics! I want more 13 year old girls in tights doing acrobatics dammit! Oh wait… was that my out loud voice again?

Darts and billiards are sports. I 100% support the inclusion of billiards at the Olympics; to my mind it’s a slam-dunk decision. It’s a sport played throughout the world with an international federation that determines rules and requirements for participation - the basic requirements for an Olympic event. Darts I don’t know enough about, in terms of the international scope of the sport.

Chess isn’t a sport.

ISTR reading somewhere that in many countries, chess is considered a sport, though I’m sure it was in a chess book. Then again, most countries don’t speak English as a first language, so something could be lost in the translation.

I agree that it might seem silly to mix something that’s decidedly non-athletic into a historically athletic competition. But if it’s a paradigm shift to lift academic pursuits to the same level of importance as athletics, then why not support it? It’s not like chess requires a huge investment in equipment or is going to take precious TV time away from the ever-popular pre-pubescent girls smashing up their near-anorexic bodies. :wink:

Maybe we could add a little modification and have…
Full Contact Chess!