such serious people

in the past year I have woken up twice to hear something outside the bedroom.

disclaimer I work at night and sleep all day.

Case One: Put on glasses… walked into other room… and chased away a squirrel. Closed balcony door and chastised wife when she got home.

Case Two: Put on glasses… walked into other room… and asked man with tool belt what the fuck he was doing. Then let him go perform repairs that I forgot I had asked for.

I live on the 12th floor of an apartment building just to make it difficult for people to get in. I also never lock my balcony door… so anyone who feels like climbing up the side of my building can take whatever he wants.
(which ain’t entirely theoretical. 18 months ago in my city a man was arrested doing just that.)

this was supposed to go in “an intruder comes in your home.”


Before this thread gets locked, there’s something I’ve always wanted to do in that “an intruder comes into your home” thread, but never found a good opening for:
“An intruder comes into your home. What do you do?”

‘Shoot the hostage. Take him out of the equation.’
Thank you, and good night.