Suddenly, I find myself remembering things from my past; not to get too melodromatic; but I’ve seen some bad shit over the last lew years.
Apart from the South Asian tsunami; for which I was a U.S. officer reporting on damage counts; I’ve had to look at over 300 minefields over the last 3 years; and about 3 mass graves.
None of this had any perceptible impact at the time, but for some reason it’s been preying on me. Any ideas?
Keep busy.
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). It is treatable. I don’t think anyone can witness that kind of stuff without it leaving an indelible mark on your psyche. You might want to consider seeing someone if these memories and images are disrupting your life.
What Kalhoun said. Find a safe place to vent, whether it’s a trained professional or a trusted friend.
Hang in there – thoughts and prayers headed your way.
Ditto. There are therapists who specialize in PTSD, and you sound like a candidate. Go for it- it’s a safe, guided way to come to grips with your experiences, acknowledge them, and move past them.
Good luck.
You don’t make it clear if you’re military, DoD inspector, UN worker, NGO contractor, or what, but most of these agencies have or contract out to service to treat and mitigate PTSD and other stress-related disorders. I have to concur with others that, in my totally unqualified and inexpert opinion it does have the hallmarks of a PTSD syndrome, particularly the delayed impact. Note, too, that it need not be one particularly traumatic event that causes it, but a collection of somewhat horrifying or disturbing experiences can also lead to a disorder.
The one thing you should not do is ignore it or, as someone else suggested, “stay busy”. Get thee to someone qualified in diagnoising these kinds of problems–perhaps a couple or three opinions would be better. Keep an open mind, be aware that a therapist who looks for PTSD can find it whether it exists or not, but a good one will let you explain your experiences and issues without a lot of proding or direct questioning.
Good luck to you.
Stranger
My advice: feel good about yourself. I expected to open this thread and read about your indiscretions, but instead I am reading about your serving your country and taking part in the recovery from awful events. You weren’t responsible for these atrocities, so don’t blame yourself.
Plus, some therapy might definitely be in order…
hugs Not to be redundant, but what the others have said. Seek out a good therapist and get professional help, and hang in there.
Make sure that you find a therapist who specialises in PTSD (personal recommendations from people in things like policing, fire services, nursing or the armed services are best). Many PTSD sufferers have ended up worse rather than better from the ministrations of “traditional” psychologists/psychiatrists. It was an all too common outcome (in Australia at least) for Vietnam vets.
Good luck.
Thanks for the input, folks. These feelings aren’t all the time, but usually when I get tired or stressed, then images will rise up suddenly. I’ve been through some counseling right after the tsunami, but everyone was so busy and had so much to do we pretty much regarded it as an annoyance. I’ve been doing better of late, but the fact, paradoxically, that I’m in a settled, relatively Western country brings it out from time to time. Stranger , FWIW, I’m in the State Department, and having had one run-in with their psychiatrists, can say that they’re great at making referrals in and around Washington, but that they can’t really do anything overseas. Oh, well. I get the cast off my foot next week, which means I can play soccer again, and I have cooking classes to go to. I think those will help.