I just painted my fingernails pewter. It’s pretty.
Oww oww oww. I did a lot of quads exercises (too evil to describe) and weights and push-ups and crunches yesterday, in preparation for going back to dance class for the first time since, oh, September. I’m in pain.
I want a new, sleeker, thinner body without any work.
Copper, Easter chocolate is now on sale. More diet shake additives! 
Wanna know what I had to eat today? Hmm do ya?
Well I’m tellin ya anyway.
Zip.
Except for a chocolate egg full of caramel.
I can just feel the pounds melting away now.
Thanks tons, Lissla. And I do mean tons. Cuz the way it’s going that’s what I’m gonna weigh.
Do ya want my chocolate, FCMom? Er, I mean my kid’s chocolate?
Just send me your address. And I’ll give it to you so it can call your name.
thanks anyway, Copper_moon, but I’ll have to pass. I most definitely don’t need to indulge in my favorite vice (ok, second favorite) - my jeans have gotten a wee bit too snug of late. Besides, how could I deprive your poor babies of their seasonal treat? What sort of evil person do you take me for??
Anyway, I know Rue is just taunting me with promises of chocolates. He gets perverse pleasure from torturing me with promises. Like the time he promised me a personalized calendar featuring himself in seasonal thongs. I painted a wall and installed a spotlight and everything. But no calendar appeared. So I just humor him, pretending he’s going to send me gifts. [sub] But just between you and me, he forgets stuff.[/sub]
Um, that wasn’t a secret, was it Rue??
And Ex, you’re a dear. But I’m having to deny my lust for chocolate, at least for a while. Life can be so cruel!!! Woe is me!!
Think of my feelings, please.
I offered a simple gesture of friendship, and you have rejected it out of hand. How could I possibly show my face at a Dope gathering, even in such a lame-o place as Albany, NY.
I’m dejected now. Depressed, in fact. Even Rue DeDay, the friendliest and funnest guy in the whole wide world apparently doesn’t like me any more. Next thing I know, welby will be kicking me in the teeth.
I was right to be shy and introverted all the way through high school. I know this now, and I accept it.
I can’t even fit in here, no matter how hard I try.
Sorry, I hit “Reply” instead of “Preview”:
Just yesterday, swampbear told me he loved me like a brother. That means he’s next, right? He’s going to turn on me too, right?
You’re all just Rue cultists, that’s what you are. Granted, that’s not a bad thing to be in the grand scheme of things, but still…
Why do I always reach out my hand, only to have it cut off at the wrist? Why?
Well, heck. A day late and a dollar short.
Or in my case a couple of days late and about $350 short due to the necessity of an eye exam and a new pair of glasses yesterday. Which I’m gonna claim as my excuse for being late to the party.
I actually went to an Indian restaurant on Easter. I had chana masala, onion nan and masala chai. All very tasty, but not, alas, chocolate. I haven’t had an Easter basket since I was eleven. 
No armor-a-dillos around here, just possums. They’ve got no plates but plenty of teeth. Also an anti-evolutionary tendency to waddle out into traffic.
What’s so bad about screw-cap wines? I, myself (me) have, in the past, whipped up a nice little batch of screw-cap wine utilizing the abundant dandelions residing in what is laughingly called my back lawn. It was quite nice. I decided to go all professional-like last year and made a new batch in real wine bottles with corks and seals. Let me tell you, putting corks in straight with a hand-corker is not an easy job. Just in case you thought it was. I gave out some of the bottles to family for gifts last Christmas. Printed labels! Multicolor even! I don’t think they were impressed. So far nobody has dared to drink any of it. I have, and there’s nothing wrong wi
Should somebody call 911? Is anyone near a phone? I think we just lost dwyr.
Cat update: Annoyed. We took the collar off for half an hour, and then put it back on. He licked himself raw again.
I want chocolate.
The weekend before last, I dragged out all the deck furniture, including the little glass table with the umbrella and the gas grill.
This past weekend, I wandered aroud the yard picking up the tree branches that came down during the ice storm and made a desultory attempt to collect the leaves that I missed last fall. I also worked on getting the lawn mower set up for another season in the heat.
Tonight, it’s snowing. Again.
It’s not unexpected this time, because I’ve been paying extra-specially close attention to the weather forecast lately. It also won’t stick, but it’s still annoying.
It’ll be May in two weeks and it’s snowing in Albany.
I give up.
Well I’d help you brush them but we both know what a chore that can be.
Don’t feel bad Exgineer, I’m really nice to you in the threads I know you read.
Awwww, Ex, don’t be such a Pouty Pete! You know you’re up there on my Luv List - not as high on the list as Rue, of course, but on there nonetheless! Reject you? PAH! I think not!
And welby wouldn’t kick you in the teeth - I know. I’ve met him. He’s OK. I can’t vouch for swampbear, tho, as I’ve suffered all kinds of abuse at his hands, verbally, that is. Can one have verbal hands? I don’t think that would work.
So anyway, you can send me whatever you want, as long as it’s not alive. But you don’t have to buy my personal regard with merchandise. Really. I likes ya just fine!
“Don’t like you” Ex? Wha? I lavish you with praise in a complimentary fashion and you just cry “sarcasm!”. Well boo-hoo to you, bub. (Although you’re pitifullness seemed to get you attention… Hey! This is MY thread. If anyone’s going to be the attention-whore around here, it’s going to be me!) I’m sure if you didn’t live in Suck-ville NY people would be banging down your door to DopeFest with you. That’s my theory anyway. It’s not you, it’s just Albany.
Whaddaya mean Snickers? I don’t send you nuthin’. Why, I send down a gift box of Elephantine proportions every week. You should have a talk with your mailman. (Yeah, I’ve been known to forget stuff sometimes.)
Love your new specs dwyr. They look fetching.
You know what you should do Lissla? Smear some chocolate on your cat when you have his (well, he was borned a boy) e-collar off. It’ll give him something else to lick at. He’ll thank you. (Does chocolate give cats heart attacks the same way it does with dogs? Hmmm… ask your vet first. Maybe use honey instead. Or mole-asses. Oh wait, that was Swampy’s other thread.)
Ex, I really do love ya like a brother. Remember, as kids, how you and your brother showed each other how much you “loved” each other? I do those same brotherly love things to you. :dubious: Besides, since I am now your special SDMB Angel Pants I have to be nice. I think. Angel Pants sounds like a name for somebody nice.
FCM since you said nobody really has to buy your personal regards, does that mean that instead of taking you to dinner next month I can just show up at your house with a bucket from the colonel and a sixpack?
[sub]Sixpack, who am I kidding? I’d have a sixpack all drunk up before I got out of the store. Better make it a case.[/sub]
My house?? You think I’d let you in my house?!?!? Where my neighbors could see you? You’re presuming an awful lot here, swampbear! Da noive of some people!! And by sixpack, are you referring to beer? You can’t possibly be intending to bring me beer, because if you check my likes and dislikes page in my newsletter, you know full well that I don’t like beer.
I don’t know if I can allow you to be seen in public with me after this. I have a reputation to maintain, after all. (Why do I suddenly feel all Margaret Dumont-y??)
But don’t worry - I never had any personal regard for you anyway. 
[sub]Why does this mood strike just before I head north on my conjugal visits?[/sub] 
Not to hijack Rue’s thread any further [sub]yeah, right[/sub] but my previous comments to swampy caused a bit of a flashback. Picture it, San Diego, 1974. I had just reported to my squadron and I was sent for some specialized training with several other technicians. Part of the training involved some group work, and I was teamed with Mike. I remarked in my usual smartassery manner “Work with you? I don’t even like you!”
Time went on, and eventually he and I started dating. I found out that he thought I’d been serious when I made that crack. I was embarrassed to learn that some people take what I say so seriously. I’ve made an effort to get to know my audiences since then so I don’t say the wrong thing and give the wrong impression.
Except to you, swampbear. You may take every word from me to you as truth etched in stone.
A “conjugal visit”? What, you’re going all that way to conjugate? It seems like a long trip just to work on grammer Snickers.[sub](The lengths I go to just to keep my threads alive…)[/sub]
That jr8 is so nice. He’s really nice to his wife. But he’s mean to wasps.
Since somebody brought it up, I’d like to address the general suckitude of Albany, with your permission, of course.
It sucks.
I could have addressed the chronic failure of certain poster to hit the space bar after he closes the italics tag, but I decided to take the high road.
The whiny act doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I need to try something else.
Try grumpy as hell. Oh, never mind, you’re doing that already.
Oh, come one, Rue. It’s Friday. Can’t you just let this thread die peacefully?
[grumpy as hell]
Swap my soul for an Imperial Star Destroter made out of Legos, will ya’? Why I oughta’…
[/grumpy as hell]
That’s not so good either, is it?