Maid to Order - A tycoons daughter goes around doing housework. You see her dust and vacuum.
Yeah, that would be closer to it. Or maybe “You already know about what happened to the Titanic, so instead we will trivialize it by overshadowing it with a boy-meets-girl story” or something, though that’s still extremely anemic and not really what I was going for in starting this thread. FWIW I enjoyed Titanic, but it doesn’t sound like Boyo Jim does, which also goes against the purpose of the thread, which is to take something you actually like and describe it in a way so that it sounds like something extremely stupid that you didn’t like and don’t think anyone else should waste their time with. (If I’m wrong and he actually liked the movie, then never mind about that last part. I still don’t think that his post even comes close to what the idea of the thread is about, though.)
I expected better (worse?) from Boyo Jim. So I’ll try my hand at Titanic:
A prissy rich girl and her prissy rich fiancee (accompanied by their prissy rich families) take a cruise together on a super-size boat that caters to prissy rich passengers (and carries steerage-class passengers for ballast). The prissy rich girl and the prissy rich fiancee have a lover’s spat, and instead of settling the argument in the proper prissy rich fashion – with civil suits at ten paces – the prissy rich girl tries to throw herself overboard. She is rescued by an unemployed, homeless steerage passenger, who is traveling on a ticket he won in a poker game – a major violation of international transport security regulations, let me tell you! The prissy rich fiancee is angry that he didn’t get the hero’s glory of the rescue, so instead of settling his envy against the penniless guy in the proper prissy rich fashion – with a civil suit to the face, because a penniless steerage passenger can NOT afford the sort of legal team that the prissy rich have at their beck and call – he frames the penniless guy for grand larceny. Meanwhile, the prissy rich girl falls in love with the penniless guy, and has passionate sex with him after he displays his one useful talent, that of drawing sketches for a dime each. Then the ship gets hulled, and the prissy rich girl and the penniless guy take turns saving each other, until they dramatically stand on the stern railing as the ship sinks, where they shamelessly profess their hopes for Academy Awards. Then the penniless guy dies while they wait for rescue boats, leaving the prissy rich girl without her fiancee, boytoy, money, or virginity.
Moral of the story: Lawyers are better in an argument than suicide attempts. Support your local legal partnership.
That’s more like it! Good one Scuba_Ben! 
Braveheart
Long ago, Scotland was occupied and terrorized by a tyrannical English king. The Scots fought valiantly to rid themselves of the oppressors. A young Scottish lad watched his father go off to battle with the English army; they returned dead. He then did what any aspiring hero would do; he went off and learned Latin. Some years later, he returned home. After making his boyhood friend throw a rock at him (he missed), he decided to become a farmer. He then secretly married a girl against her father’s wishes (she once gave him a thistle; what else was he to do?). Some English hooligans try to rape her; our hero, being an educated man, precedes to whup their asses without first making sure his bride is safe; the English hooligans cut her throat. This makes our hero mad, so he decides to kick the English out of Scotland. He does this by fighting a lot (and getting his boyhood friend’s father increasingly more maimed), and by occasionally putting on a dress and some makeup and yelling at the troops. Eventually he is betrayed by the heir to the Scottish throne. This turns out ok; he gets away. The heir then sends our hero a note saying “hey, sorry about that; why don’t you come on down to my castle and I’ll make it up to you.” Our hero, being an educated man, says “okie dokie!” He comes to the castle, where to nobody’s surprise (except, ironically, the heir, who wasn’t really calling the shots anyway; it was his old, leprous father who was locked up in the tower with bandages wrapped around him to keep parts from falling off who somehow managed to orchestrate all of this) he is captured by the English. The English, realizing that they could just let the man rot in jail, instead decide to martyr him. Then the heir, who now (as far as anybody knows) has betrayed our hero twice, tell all his friends, “hey, why don’t you follow me and we’ll kick some English ass.” Which they do.
My favorite book of all time: Ulysses.
First part of the book: This guy has breakfast with his roommates, collects his pay from his boss, and takes a walk along the beach. That’s it.
Second part of the book: Another guy has breakfast with his wife, takes a shit, goes to a funeral, has lunch, takes a bath, goes to a pub and gets into an argument with some obnoxious asshole, and takes a walk along the beach, where he jerks off while looking at some chick. Finally he meets up with the first guy, who is now drunk, and they both go to a whorehouse and don’t even get laid.
Third part of the book: The two guys go to a café, then to the second guy’s house, where they chat. The first guy leaves, and the second guy goes to bed and wakes up his wife, who sits up all night thinking about the guy she fucked while hubby was out doing all the incredibly exciting stuff in part two.
Seven hundred pages and that’s all that happens!