Sunday Morning Puzzle #95 --- Mystery at the Mall

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

That heavy knocking at your chamber door this Sunday morning must once again be Agent Jones of the CIA. Whenever the CIA has a tough code they cannot crack, they turn to You. It’s a mighty big responsibility being the world’s foremost code breaker.

You greet Jones and pour him the usual cup of fresh organic coffee. Jones has a look of deep concern on his face.

“What’s up?” You ask.

Jones tells his story:

The CIA has been on the lookout for master spy John Jacob Jenkins. A couple of weeks ago they foiled his fiendish plan to take over the world, but the elusive villain escaped. One CIA agent who has been working diligently on the case is Ann Flowers. Last week she reported she had traced Jenkins to the Tyson’s Corner Shopping Mall. She planned to take a job undercover at the Crate & Barrel and keep watch.

On Friday the CIA received an urgent call from Agent Flowers. She claimed to see a suspicious customer pass a mysterious note to a custodian. She said she would try and pilfer the note and make a copy. She was told to proceed carefully. But something went wrong.

That night Ann Flowers was found wandering aimlessly through the mall. She was almost incoherent, rambling on about not being able to decide which exit to use. The unfortunate Agent Flowers is now in a special CIA hospital.

“Good God!” You exclaim. “Is she able to tell at all what happened?”

Jones shakes his head.

“It’s odd. She starts to tell about finding the note, but then corrects herself and says something else entirely happened. Just when we start to get her story, she changes her mind and tells a completely different tale. She says she knows she is Ann Flowers, but then she thinks she is Mary Poppins, and then she is Condaleeza Rice. She has just about accused everyone in the mall of being a spy.”

“The poor girl,” You say. “What can I do to help?”

Jones produces a sheet of paper. “We found this coded message in her pocket. It looks as if she had time to copy this mysterious note before…before whatever happened to her. Sigh. We never should have let Ann go undercover again so soon. Someone must have recognized her.”

You remember the vivacious Ann Flowers from last year’s CIA Christmas Party and your anger builds.

Jones continues: “That’s all we know. Of course we tried to solve the code before bringing it to you, but alas, our team isn’t up to the challenge. All they could guess is that “F.F.F.” stands for “J.J.J.” That’s Jenkins, we suspect. So we are asking again for your assistance.”

You vow to succeed.

But can you?

+++++
DDTDEOH WPWA DN QMHK! DA IKIRMWWF CDLKHH ILQ QDYUEPYPSEC DSTU ZHDSCDY “DEZDYPQPTP ILHSQ”. CMQF DEK DPEOWQ CWSQN XHKR ES WDHKQKS ESY ZES DUC XPYCPT QP DESNWM KC DSVX LM QCP ZPEX CNKMS OEICUPES. DWDSQL CDQC CP EK DDZZWDQKXX SPY CODES EES QWKADHR. LCKQ IN IX CKQL CS QSYI’X CDLSHCXDEZ DCKHQ YKQXDCPY HKMECDY KC CDO DKXQ.

F.F.F.

+++++

2

Agent Jones stops in with more bad news.

Despite the fiasco with Ann Flowers, the CIA tried again. They selected another agent to pose as a sales clerk, this time at the Restoration Hardware. The agent was to keep a watch on the mall for anything suspicious. Unfortunately, the man they chose for this mission was Agent Brown. Brown is a good-hearted soul, and has the makings of a fine detective. Unfortunately, he is also young and somewhat impetuous.

Late yesterday afternoon Jones received a call from Brown. The novice agent was gushing over his success. He said he had not only found and copied another coded message, but that he had a suspect as well.

“I told him to just sit tight, and we’d be right there.” says Jones. "Unfortunately, when our men arrived at the mall something strange had already happened to Brown. We found him at the Taco Bell, staring up at the menu and muttering to himself about which item to have for dinner.

“Dinner?” You ask. “But what about the suspect?”

Jones looks at You sadly. “Brown couldn’t exactly inform us about the suspect or about what had happened to him. Indeed he tried to tell us several stories, but we couldn’t make head nor tail of any of it. Poor Brown seemed completely at a loss to be sure of anything. He was absolutely befuddled. The young man doesn’t even know truly if he is Brown, or whether or not he works for the CIA.”

You feel sorry for Brown. You inquire: “Did you find any clues?”

“Yes.” Jones reaches into his coat and produces a paper. “We found the cryptic coded message of which Brown spoke. It was folded in the pocket of his jacket. The CIA can tell you little else. Brown says he isn’t sure where he got the note, or for that matter where he got the jacket.”

You unfold the paper. The code looks to be the same as before.

“Please solve this soon.” Jones has an uncharacteristic hint of desperation in his voice. “Brown is like a son to me. I hate seeing him there in the hospital, looking so utterly confused. I feel responsible for what occurred. I never should have sent him to the mall alone.”

Can You crack the code and save the day?
+++++

AKXKHHKC DA WUSWQ NKH DUC CPHQR WSCPKESE VSEN. QUPC HSLDY ZUKMWQ DN ISQD UPCA LDWU XHKR HMK “CDYHDQ EDSLKA EP S ESY”. ECKWDQ IKEDX WPWA DN ZQDM KC ZMER EHKEMYCPKL RK DKHX ILHSQ. HDXDXNDH KC ISHHY EPECDHOHDDA QPRDQSTDHW (UUPYA CYS, IZZWK UEKMOD, QS ES DECPZKCS) EP DSQY IES QKXHSZDY IYYPZDECWS DEUSWP. LDDV S LUSHQ CKKVKMW HKR HEKCUDS SPY CODES.

F.F.F.

+++++

3

News of a bank heist…

Jones calls to report that a bank near the Tyson’s Corner Mall was robbed yesterday. No alarm was sounded. A customer of the bank entered late in the afternoon and found the bank employees and other customers all wandering around in a stupor. When the police arrived they could not get anyone to accurately tell what had happened. The people in the bank are utterly confused about everything. Their symptoms match those of Agents Flowers and Brown.

The CIA was alerted about the robbery early this morning. They are awaiting footage from the bank’s security cameras for more information. Over $75,000 is missing…

4

Cameras at the bank reveal the following:

  1. At 3:42pm on Monday March 14th, five men enter bank wearing gas masks.

  2. All five men produce cans of spray and begin misting the bank.

  3. Employees/customers wander around aimlessly while thieves steal money.

From a transcript of an interview between Agent Jones and witness Irene Zuma (F-age 42):

Jones: Tell me what you saw yesterday.

Zuma: I was walking near the Tyson’s Mall. Five men were running towards me carrying briefcases and what looked to be gas masks.

Jones: What happened then?

Zuma: One of the men ran straight into me. I stopped to help him up. He was very rude. He cursed me out and ran off with the others.

Jones: Is that when you found the note?

Zuma: Yes, it must have fallen from the man’s pocket. I called out to him but he and his friends disappeared into the mall parking lot. When I read about the robbery in the morning paper, I called the police immediately.

Jones: Can you describe any of the men?

Zuma: No, I didn’t get a good look. The man who ran into me was wearing a very unattractive zebra striped suit. He was middle aged.

Jones: Anything else?

Zuma: Well, I couldn’t help but notice the man’s breath. It was so… so… so minty fresh!

Text of note found by Ms. Zuma:

OHPEN DX DUC ECKWDQ IKEDX KHKECL! IN IMEZSQ WD’WA DSTU UEKMOD ILHSQ KC DSVC HTDK ESQUPEOCKA. HSCUDO ITDHD ILQ CODES HKR S ODDCPEX EP IX TH ZSHVDL DMCQPZK DUC WSWX. ODDCPEX WPWA DN CS XL6 IMDQZSC. W’WP KO HTDK DUC WPESR EWSL EUDC.
F.F.F.

5

Biotop and his impossible puzzles! A great SDMB tradition.

6

It is very late Saturday night. You can feel a palpable doom in the air.

Jones arrives looking grim. Instead of the usual coffee Jones is sipping from a large bottle of Zima. You have rarely seen Jones consume alcohol. Things must be very bad indeed,

Several more agents who were scouting the mall have now been found in the same state of confusion as Brown and Flowers. Agent Hardy was the most recent. He had phoned headquarters yesterday to say he had critical information.

“I was on the phone with Hardy,” Jones says. "He told me that he had solved the mystery of the mall. He had overheard two suspected spies whispering in the Rainforest Cafe. One of them said that Boss Jenkins would set his plan into motion this Monday. The other gloated about how the spies had fooled everyone with their code. It seems Jenkins had found this code in an unsolved puzzle somewhere on the internet. He had discovered its secret and was now using this code for his nefarious scheming.

"Agent Hardy also reported that he knew where Jenkins was, how the plot would unfold, and how it might be stopped.

“He was about to tell me the details when I heard this strange hissing sound come over the phone. This was followed by a crash as the phone was obviously dropped. I raced to the mall only to find poor Hardy caught in a revolving door, continually pushing it around and around in a circle and muttering about whether to go in or out. The man was in the same bad shape as the others.”

You look at a tired Agent Jones. Has the detective ever appeared this haggard?

“Of course we found another note in Hardy’s pocket. He must have gotten hold of it somehow during his investigation. The spies are being completely careless with their messages. They don’t think we are smart enough to crack their code.”

Steady," You say calmly. “We are not licked yet. Pour out that alcohol. I’ll put on a fresh pot of assam tea and we’ll work together on this problem.”

You and Jones decide to give it one final try. Can You succeed?

P DSTU S ZUKMQSEC QESY RK ILHSQ EP IX EKQQDQQPKL. EK IMEZSQ USYD ILQ ZUKMWQ DKXY IN IX ECSCPKQ CS QSYI’X ZES VPYL LM S ESY. QESY DHS ZPQOMPQDZ QS HSPU ILHSQ ZSWWDY “DQLPKESOD”. EK IKEZSX DA WPWA CDDX DMCQPZK QKEOHDQY. WD’WA ILHSQ HMK ISA DEQPZP ZES DSVC HTDK DUC WSLPCKY OMPWZPEN. HRCDS CUSC DA CPU DUC DUPCA DKMQU. IN IMDQZSC OKHEPEX DA WPWA WKECHKY DUC IPCY. HRCDS CUSC DA DSVC DUC DUKWA IKMECHY. HRCDS CUSC DA DSVC DUC ZKHWA!

F.F.F.

7

The CIA can’t figure out a cryptoquip? They’re really overrated.

8

Time is running out, and I have made so little progress. All I know so far is that the spies plan to take over the White House, Washington, the US, and the world, in that order. Well, there’s something else before the White House, but I still can’t read it. And it appears that they are using wintergreen Lifesavers, of all things, as an antidote to the spray. Maybe we can help some of our witnesses with that information. Maybe that will be enough to stop the attack tomorrow. I just don’t know.

With as many words as I’ve got, I really should be able to work out the pattern. But it’s a tough one. Each letter in the code can stand for any of several letters in the message. I’ve been over it from A to Z and from Z to A, and then both at the same time. I don’t know if I’m really getting anywhere. I’ll keep on it, but I have to close my eyes for a while. Wake me if we get any new clues.

9

You drift off to sleep with visions of cryptic codes and wintergreen lifesavers dancing in your head.

And soon you dream.

You are walking down a long corridor. This tunnel had been dark, but now You see a tiny ray of light in the distance. Strange discordant music plays in your ears… perhaps Frank Zappa? A shadow appears in the light, growing larger. You detect a figure slowly approaching from up ahead. It looks like … Zsa Zsa Gabor??

“What are you doing in my dream, Ms Gabor?”

“Dahling… You have reached the end of the tunnel.”

“Where does it go, this tunnel?” You ask Zsa Zsa.

“That depends on which of us you are talking about.” She says. “It goes somewhere different for me than You.”

“Well of course, but I mean…” You cannot figure out what else to say. You are mesmerized because now Ms. Gabor has changed into Zorba the Greek. He runs past You, back into the bleakness of the tunnel.

A soft voice is whispering above the music. It sounds like Pia Zadora from some old John Waters movie. “Does your nose run and your feet smell?” asks the whisper. “If so…”

The tunnel goes dark. You hear a scream and a hiss. Hands grab out at you from the inky blackness, They shake You! They shake You! They shake You…
…

“Wake up, You are having a nightmare.”

You blink awake and see the concerned face of Jones. He has shaken You awake.

“Here, let me pour You some tea.” Jones brings You a warm cup. “I have been studying these messages. I think we misread a word in the one from Brown. We read EHKEMYCPKL when I think he actually wrote EHKZMYCPKL.”

A corrected letter? Maybe now this thing will make some sense. What DOES NOT make any sense is a code where a letter can stand for many letters. That can’t be right. So is this really a simple cryptogram…or what?

10

Fax from Agent Jones:

We took a chance on the Wintergreen Lifesavers. Plot foiled at White House. All Agents now recovering.

However, spies escaped. We do not know where they are hiding, nor do we know where their base was in the mall. Partial information much appreciated, however. You have saved the world again…somehow.

Please keep trying to crack the secret of the code. We would like to have it in our files. This would also help prevent further use of the code for evil purposes…and have the added benefit of clearing up some other unsolved internet puzzle. As a bonus, perhaps You might still discover information on the location of Jenkins and our treacherous spies.

But hey, it’s a moral victory. And in this world one can only ask for so much. We surely do wish You could solve the rest of the code, but at least for now, all is calm.

Got to run. My wife has rented the latest Catherine Zeta Jones DVD. She’s a wonderful woman (my wife). I must remember to stop at the flower shop and buy her a zinnia.

11

Ha, got it. (Sorry I was so late, Jones; I just stumbled on to your notes today.) Check the counter at Macy’s for some suspicious bottles of hairspray.

P.S. Is Jenkins dyslexic?

12

Congratulations Omphaloskeptic (with a nod to Peregrine) !
Excellent work.

Jones and Brown arrive with the good news.

Jenkins and his team were apprehended in the Macy’s Department store. CIA agents sucking on wintergreen lifesavers entered the mall this afternoon and made the arrests.

“Jenkins and his team should have cleared out when they had the chance,” says Jones. “Fortunately, tomorrow is payday and they were still working at Macy’s waiting for their last checks.”

Brown tells You that he saw suspicious activity in the mall just after he last talked to Jones. He was too excited and and tried to confront the spies on his own, only to be sprayed with their evil aerosol.

“All agents will now be required to carry lifesavers in case anyone else ever tries to use that poison, but we don’t think it will be a problem again.” says Jones.

“Quite a tough puzzle, from beginning to end,” You say. “But now the spies will have to come up with something else.”

Jones and Brown continue to praise You. This code was one of the toughest ever.

But You are not really interested in kind words. You are simply glad to know that order has been restored once again.

"Let’s celebrate, You say. “I have a special oolong tea. It’s from Zambia.”

You pour both Jones and Brown a fresh hot cup.

13

“Espionage”… ::tee hee:: Now I get it.

Well, better late than never.

And now to clear up the unsolved Sunday Morning Puzzle # 91 – Omphaloskeptic, would you care to do the honors?

14

Did you realize, when you provided it, just how appropriate it was to link these two puzzles?

15

Yes, indeed, though I didn’t yet have the solution at the time. Biotop’s been hinting very strongly, you see.

16

… which hints? I’m not sure if I’m looking in the wrong place, or just blind.

17

From post #6 above: “It seems Jenkins had found this code in an unsolved puzzle somewhere on the internet.”

And in post #10: “Please keep trying to crack the secret of the code…This would … have the added benefit of clearing up some other unsolved internet puzzle.”

Plus if you’re a regular at the Sunday Morning Puzzles you’ll be aware that #91 and #92 remained unsolved. “Crumby Cryptolist” seemed more likely to be the one he meant.

18

Ah, I see; just blind, then. Thanks.