At night, while I try to rest after restoring peace and calm to the little pocket of the world where I reside, I tend to let Superkitty prowl the various halls and rooms of my Fortress of SoliDude, looking for the evil minions of my arch enemy, EvilLandlady, who lives downstairs. Normally Superkitty has nothing to report. This morning, however, was quite unlike any other…
I awoke at my usual time, and quickly gathered my costume for another day of fighting for all that is decent in this world. As I walked towards the shower, I heard Superkitty frantically calling me. I immediately rushed to her side, and there I found…
A MOUSE!
That’s right. This instrument of evil, though now deceased (Superkitty has a problem with leaving prisoners alive long enough to talk. We’ve discussed this), had infiltrated my Fortress of SoliDude, unbeknownst to me.
Obviously, EvilLandlady had sent this dastardly beast to attempt to do me in in my slumber. Thanks to Superkitty, the plan was thwarted.
So her name should now be ** Superkitty, killer of mice and doileys ** .
Good for her, just be careful that she doesn’t start sharing her kills with you. We used to have a cat that would place the head of every mouse he killed on the bed, on my side of the bed. He would not stop doing that so he didn’t stay long.
Our middle child, AKA Dumbass or StupidDog, has learned a new trick. He shows up with a mouse, we give him a milkbone. He now lays in wait for the unsuspecting critters (after all, what mouse is prepared for an 85-pound dog-shaped cat?), catches them, carries them around in his mouth for a while to get them good and soggy (and dead from drowning), and gently deposits them at our feet when he wants his reward. It’s really quite impressive.
And you realize that the mouse is only the advance guard. Just a scout, really. What you have to watch out for are the bunnies. Those are the true instruments of evil. The mice only do their bidding. You’d best start bulking up SuperKitty before the invasion begins.
The bunnies? Are you kiddin’ me? As any true dog knows, the true architects of evil are the squirrels. Yes. Their nefarious plotting, their sinister scheming, their…teasing! They’re just sitting there! Teasing me! I must kill them ! Now! Now now now now now!
Fortunately, my little army of cats have managed, over the years, to defend me from bunnies and squirrels. However, they leave it to my dog to protect me from 'possums.
