Once a guy in Philly approached me and asked if I could walk with him over a block into a local (and reputable) diner and pay for a meal for him so that I could see he was actually getting something to eat and not spending it on anything else (and I’m 100% certain there wasn’t some kind of scam going on between him and the teller). That was the best line for me - but sadly I was a poor broke college student who couldn’t afford to feed myself at the time. 
Esprix
[sub]Scylla[/sub]
My huge peeve are these guys who wait at busy stoplight intersections. Light turns red, people line up, and this guy has a captive audience. He (and I use the term ‘he’ to mean the 8-12 people I see around the intersctions near my office) works his way down the line of cars with the cup and the cardboard sign.
It made me so mad I did the math. The light turns red once every 3 minutes. That’s 20 times an hour. If this guy gets 50 cents (and I always see at least one dollar bill being handed to the guy) per light, he’s getting $10 an hour, tax-free. That’s way more than I made at my first few jobs, and I’m only 25. Never mind the fact that they are invariably wearing (mostly) clean clothes and watches, I’ve even seen these guys fighting over the good spots to beg.
There are genuinely unemployable people out there. I know that in Tucson there were various homeless people that I saw my whole life. Dressed in rags, talking to their elbow, clearly 150% insane. I have had conversations (or tried to) with some of them… some of them can barely remember how to get back to their favorite sleeping bench, let alone be able to actually hold a job.
If you want to say “fuck the able-bodied able-minded homeless” be my guest… but there are a lot of homeless people out there who really have no choice.
And BTW, while I’ve never been homeless, I have been so poor that I couldn’t afford food and had to beg. It was in 1990, I was 18 with no job experience, living in a city where I knew nobody (literally)… I went out and looked for jobs daily, but no one would hire me. Not even the fast food places. I would bum quarters in front of Taco Bell and then buy burritos. I lived in an apartment with no electricity and no phone.
I’ve been a sucker and have given money to panhandlers sometimes. I don’t feel too bad about it, usually I only give 50 cents or something.
The able-bodied young men take the cake, though. No sympathy, I’m sorry. Unless they are wildly insane, what the hell is their excuse?
Years ago, I was with my family in Yosemite National Park. (Where else? 
) Some young “hippy types” hit my dad up for “spare change”. They were loitering around the Curry Village grocery store. My dad (ever the diplomat) barked “Get a job!” The young men were offended. I was a kid, I was kind of embarrassed, but I thought my dad had a point.
Tent cabins in Curry Village are about $50 a night. (Less back then, but it’s all relative.) I don’t know if they were staying in Curry Village, or camping in the park, but both cost money. And, most likely, they had wheels to get up there. That meant they had some sort of vehicle. I guess they could have hitch-hiked, but that’s kind of “iffy”, I would think.
Anyhow, I doubted that the truly destitute find themselves in Yosemite National Park. These guys were just lazy mooching bums. I guess they thought it would be more pleasant to mooch money off of tourists in Yosemite than it would to mooch money off of the residents of Fresno, or Stockton, or whatever. Screw 'em.
I freely admit that I"ve asked for handouts, and help - from my friends, my family, once even from the government (food stamps 1977).
So, all those who wish to cast aspersions to those needing help, feel free.
I can’t be the only person sitting here wondering about this comment, but since it hasn’t been touched on yet, here goes-
gobear, why do you make exceptions for those that are old, crippled, or female?
Why would that make any difference?
I’m not talking about asking for help from friends and family or even the government. I’m talking about homeless people sitting on the sidewalks hitting me up for money. Your last statement,
“So, all those who wish to cast aspersions to those needing help, feel free.”
is deliberately manipulative, but even so you are comparing apples to oranges. Did you ever sit on a street corner and beg strangers for money? It’s completely different from asking people for help.
If you sympathize with the homeless, that’s one thing. But don’t try to manipulate us into believing that we are casting aspersions on people like you. We aren’t.
Insert the word “you know” in the sentence above (It’s completely different from asking people you know for help.)
Three experiences from my life.
When my children were small I did not make enough money to live on from my job. So as a result I worked three different jobs.[worked on cars during the day, worked on cars at home in the evening, and did inventories, with my wife, of car dealerships on weekends] Anyway I had worked for 32 days straight without a single day off. My wife and I stopped at a 7-11 one Sun. afternoon after an inventory for a soda. Sitting on the ground outside is a couple late teen early twenties street type people smoking. As we approach the guy asks for spare change. needless to say I am barely making ends meet so I say no.
He replies with “come on man share”
My response was “Look asshole, I work three different jobs, I haven’t had a day off in over 1 month, I can barely pay my bills, and you want me to give you money? Anyway if you have enough money to buy smokes then you sure as hell don’t need any of mine.”
My wife and I are coming out of a Target store one Sat afternoon. A nice looking young lady comes up to me and tells me that she has run out of gas on her way to Simi Valley (about 20 miles away) and could I spare $2 for gas so that she could make it home. Sure I reply, I’ve run out of gas without much in my pocket, here ya go. As I loaded my stuff into the car it occured to me that if she didn’t have a gas can and a funnel, it might be hard to get gas into the car. So I drove around looking for her so that I could offer to get a gas can and help her. When I located her she was facing away from me talking to another man who also gave her money. The kicker was her right hand was behind her back [facing me] and it had a wad of at least 50 bills in it. I went up to her and told her that I had planned to offer to get her a gas can, but since I saw how much money she had behind her back it was obvious that she was planning to buy a new car with gas already in it. I told her to enjoy the $2 bucks I gave her, because it was the last time I would ever give money to a street person. I suggested that she leave the area before I called the cops. She left.
A few months later Jack Smith [the late writer for the LA times] wrote about a pregnant lady that had approached him and was out of gas returning from an OB appt. He gave her money ($20?) and she took his address with a promise to send a check. Several readers wrote in to tell him that they too had give money to the same lady at various times. Seems she had been pregnant for the last 2 years or so. The all time topper was the reader that wrote in and said that she had given money to this lady and never got anything back. Two months later The same lady approached the reader again and asked again. The reader recognized her and asked about the previous $20. The con artist of course had some cock and bull story. Bottom line LAPD investigated and the falsely pregnant lady went to jail.
I have a freind who is a parole officer in Phoenix. Tells wonderfully funny stories about dumb criminals she deals with. She told me about the crackwhore with two kids. Drugs took all the money and the kids didn’t have enough to eat. She started begging on a street corner. She was pulling down $400 a day and still wouldn’t feed the kids, cause it cut the take. Nice lady.
Anyway if I get approached with a will work for food sign I offer them a job. I offer them a job working at my house for $10 digging ditches, or planting trees, or what ever I can think of on the spur of the moment. The next sound I hear is the sonic boom their leaving.
Before everyone thinks I am a complete asshole there is an old guy that plays the clarinet on a frwy off ramp near me. I always give him something, as he is giving all that he has, he is not just asking for a hand out.
YMMV
Liquid guess I have to spell it out for you:
Not everyone has relatives. So, some of the people who’ve been patting themselves on the back for not taking handouts from strangers had a safety net not available to all.
Accepting public assistance is, frankly, a very direct way of soliciting and getting handouts from strangers. So, again, if you’ve never found yourself applying for any kind of public assistance, hurray and kudos to you, if you have, I’d suggest that perhaps you shouldn’t be so dismissive of people who use a more direct approach.
got it now?
Does it make you feel good to give the occasional $0.50 or $1.00 or sandwich or pair of clean socks to homeless people or panhandlers? Then give it when you can and don’t give it when you can’t. Personally I don’t have any “spare change” at this point in my life, but when I have I don’t begrudge the gift of $1 if it might help someone in need eat.
If you are unsure of someone’s motives or uncomfortable about how someone will use a gift then don’t give. You don’t have to give. No one will think less of you or blame you for saying “No” or walking on by or choosing the way in which you give - sandwiches or business cards or donations to shelters and programs.
<b>Once you’ve given something away it’s not yours anymore. </b> The recipient can use it however he wishes - food, drugs, alcohol, postage stamps, cell phone, lapdance, bus fare. Nobody likes feeling like a sucker, and nobody likes when people take advantage of generosity as it seems the guy did with his constant follow-up requests to the OP - but you don’t know what another person’s needs and priorities are and you’ll be much happier if you learn to let go.
There is a thread somewhere on the boards about and by formerly homeless Dopers - I’ll do a search in a second. I remember that one of the hardest things to swallow for many of the posters trying to get back on their feet in that thread were the amount of patronizing strings that came with any “help.” We’ll feed you and give you a change of clothes, but you have to listen to our prayers and attend our religious services and forgo any sense of pride or autonomy in return. Not so far off from "I’ll give you the $0.35 in my pocket, but don’t let me see you spend it on something I might find frivolous or inappropriate or I will lose faith in all humanity, especially homeless people.
I repeat: If giving with no strings attached is going to make you angry, then keep your money and find something else that makes you feel good.
I agree with Rick; I have been so poor I couldn’t afford food myself, and have been scraping by the rest of my life, but I’ll give money to someone who is trying to make an effort to do something other than stand there with their hand sticking out. I don’t care what they’re doing; they could be standing there playing a kazoo, but if they’re making an effort, I’ll give them something. TANSTAAFL, baby.
I will have to remember that next time
“If you were really poor, you would have family and friends to help you.”
Is there a dollar amount at which the family and friends magically appear/disappear?
Becausae those people have a great deal more difficulty getting employment. If a little old lady is begging, I’ll give her something, if a guy with no legs is begging, I’ll give him something, if a woman with kids is begging, I’ll give something (real situations I saw in Asia). There is NO EXCUSE for a healthy, able-bodied male to be sitting on the corner, smoking and drinking and shaking his little paper cup to get me to part with my cash.
Ah, a bleeding heart detemined to plead for beggars.
If you or I or most of the people in here were tossed out on the street, we’d be able to call parents, siblings, friends, somebody, for a place to stay and food to eat.
Sure, if you’re a teenager tossed out by your family, you’re going to be in big trouble. But there are still places to go. Sure, if you’re a battered wife taking the kids in the middle of the night to escape, you’re going to have trouble, but there are shelters. (The last situation happened to me; I was one of the kids.)
There is no excuse for a healthy, able-bodied person to sit on his ass and expect other people to provide his living for him.
I work for my money, sugar, and I am under no obligation to support societal parasites.
To throw a wrench into this…when the Ex would see homeless people in her practice, she would note that some of them had cell phones and pagers. But in every case that she saw, they didn’t work. They were clearly either dead, or broken.
What is scary though is that people would hold one-sided conversations for quite a long time with a dead/broken cell phone. Or answer pagers that clearly were missing their battery cover, as well as batteries.
Ok, #1. When I was thrown out I had nothing and no one to go to. I survived without begging on the streets.
#2 Yes you are correct, accepting public assistance from the government is getting money from strangers. But once again that is relatively 100X more responsible than begging on the streets.
You are dodging the issue and trying to pull at the heartstrings by comparing apples to oranges. I am not dismissive to people who go to the government (or any program set up to donate to those less fortunate) at all, the charity is there to make sure these people can get back on their feet or make it through a rough period in their life.
Once again this isn’t about you. This is about the homeless. You found yourself in a tight situation but instead of going up to people you don’t know and trying pressure them into giving you money, you went to the government and asked for assistance. It’s two completely different things. One is a personal affront whereas the other is a public affront.
I see nothing wrong at donating money to homeless charities. I have a big problem with funding someone’s crack habit.
There are people who are simply not cut out for normal life as we know it. For whatever reason.
If someone asks me for spare change, and looks like one of these folks, and a bottle of wine or pack of smokes will help them get through the night, I give 'em some change. I’ve spent few nights outdoors myself, and a bottle or a pack of smokes makes a world of difference.
And it’s not like I’m gonna miss a couple of coins.
But I cannot abide scammers. I hate it when somebody wants to tell me a story. I really don’t care what the story is, and it’s more likely to make me hold on to those coins then fork 'em over.
Asking for change is one thing, wasting my time is another.
My take is this: while I absolutely understand someone who says, “Hey, get a job!” or “I pulled myself up from worse beginnings; why can’t you?” the bottom line is I don’t want to see someone hungry for food if I can help feed them-- even if their plight is their own doing.
This is why I spend as much volunteer time with the Knights of Columbus as I do; we run or contribute to several soup kitchens and area shelters, and we contribute to local “feed the needy” organizations as well.
It’s no one’s right to demand charity – but I think it’s a great thing to freely give.
I usually ignore beggars, but I was recently approached by a shabbily dressed young man with Down syndrome who asked me for money for food, so I gave him a couple bucks. As he opened the pocket of his jacket to put the money inside, I saw he had a pack of cigarettes there. Since I refuse to use the “F” word or the “R” word, all I have to say is:
“What a sucker I am.”
You have the right to give or not give, as you see fit. But does your “couple bucks” give you the right to run this kid’s entire life, and determine what he can and can’t buy for himself? I just don’t get that.